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Divorce does funny things

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Re: Divorce does funny things

#51

Post by kylebenzle »

me_im_counting wrote: post #27
mrsmee89 wrote: post #9

As a divorced man, I can attest to this wholeheartedly. There's an energy a man gets when you're building a family that helps motivate through the struggle. When you get divorced, especially when kids are involved, there's an expectation in our society (court system, social pressure, etc) to continue life as if that energy still exists, it simply doesn't. It's maddening. Breaking up a family is lose-lose. There are n…

Are they? At least among wealthy men, it seems much more common for them to remarry and make a brand new second family while the ex wife is left doing most things for the first set of kids. Plus, it’s significantly more common for men to leave their wives when their wives get diagnosed with cancer than vice versa. IMO, divorce sucks worst for whoever is the most conscientious person and invested in the family, regard…

Women lie in court all the time and lawyers will tell you that in Civil Court there is nothing you can do. These psychos will file dozens of "motions" then immediately drop them in an endless barrage of pointless litigation just to harass husbands into submission.

An entire industry exists just to bleed families dry by getting women to claim abuse (mental abuse is enough) to get the kids, 1/2 the man's stuff and a steady income. The entire "civil court" legal system is broken in the US. It is what Trump specialized in, civil court cases just to fu*k with people and bully them into getting what he wanted.

Re: Divorce does funny things

#52

Post by selcuka »

me_im_counting wrote: post #27
mrsmee89 wrote: post #9

As a divorced man, I can attest to this wholeheartedly. There's an energy a man gets when you're building a family that helps motivate through the struggle. When you get divorced, especially when kids are involved, there's an expectation in our society (court system, social pressure, etc) to continue life as if that energy still exists, it simply doesn't. It's maddening. Breaking up a family is lose-lose. There are n…

Are they? At least among wealthy men, it seems much more common for them to remarry and make a brand new second family while the ex wife is left doing most things for the first set of kids. Plus, it’s significantly more common for men to leave their wives when their wives get diagnosed with cancer than vice versa. IMO, divorce sucks worst for whoever is the most conscientious person and invested in the family, regard…

> At least among wealthy men, it seems much more common for them to remarry and make a brand new second family while the ex wife is left doing most things for the first set of kids.

Wealth changes the equation. When you are certain that you can look after your kids indefinitely or for a sufficient amount of time you can go on with your life, take a sabbatical, or whatever floats your boat. You don't need the same energy GP mentioned as someone who needs to work from 9 to 5 the next day after the divorce.

Re: Divorce does funny things

#53

Post by Johnny555 »

mrsmee89 wrote: post #9

As a divorced man, I can attest to this wholeheartedly. There's an energy a man gets when you're building a family that helps motivate through the struggle. When you get divorced, especially when kids are involved, there's an expectation in our society (court system, social pressure, etc) to continue life as if that energy still exists, it simply doesn't. It's maddening. Breaking up a family is lose-lose. There are n…

Divorce is considerably easier for a childless couple. At least as long as the couple manages to be reasonably civil to each other. That doesn't make it "easy", but it is "easier" to not have a bond keeping you attached to the former spouse forever.

My ex and I managed to share joint custody of our dog for years, until she moved away and we decided she should keep the dog. Much harder to do that with a child.

Re: Divorce does funny things

#54

Post by exporectomy »

Waterluvian wrote: post #6
bobsmooth wrote: post #5

The entire modern world is built off the backs of men that are willing to do the most dangerous of jobs.

Well, except for all the slaves.

Did they? I thought slaves were mostly used in the ancient world, the undeveloped world, and for non-mechanized agriculture. None of which is really building the modern world, beyond just providing some underlying value. But if you count that, you have to count women having babies too, and all sorts of human endeavors.

Re: Divorce does funny things

#55

Post by tasogare »

cryptonector wrote: post #48
me_im_counting wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Are they? At least among wealthy men, it seems much more common for them to remarry and make a brand new second family while the ex wife is left doing most things for the first set of kids. Plus, it’s significantly more common for men to leave their wives when their wives get diagnosed with cancer than vice versa. IMO, divorce sucks worst for whoever is the most conscientious person and invested in the family, regard…

Are wealthy men the majority of divorced men? You seem to be assuming as much.

Not only this but the cancer related statistics is oddly specific, and chose only because it put men in a bad light. Without numbers (count and percentage) caused by this plus the ventilation by sex it's totally meaningless: the affirmation could be true with only three divorces a year where two men leave and one woman does.

On the reverse, men being taken half of their wealth plus having a pension to pay is the overwhelming majority of cases (even when both are working) in the majority of Western countries. And one never reads any story about a woman becoming homeless or killing herself after a divorce while those stories are numerous on the male side...

Re: Divorce does funny things

#56

Post by jiggunjer »

77pt77 wrote: post #43
S_A_P wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well said. I’m a decade past my divorce and it still causes anguish. I have two kids and while I play by the rules and encourage the kids to be close to both myself and their mother. Their mom is on man in her life number 6/husband 2. There was a period of time that she told the kids to call me dad and the step dad “super dad”. She nearly ran me over twice without warning as I jogged. I’ve never contested child suppo…

Please explain the psychiatrist's role in this.

Presumably she felt he was in danger, or his continued presence would create a dangerous situation.

Re: Divorce does funny things

#57

Post by cee_el123 »

bobsmooth wrote: post #5

The entire modern world is built off the backs of men that are willing to do the most dangerous of jobs.

This. All the "progress" of the past 100 years has come through exploitative labor, fossil fuel, plastics, reckless mining, massive farming (incl. meat)

a tiny extent, through technology, but that too via undercompensated labor of scientists

Re: Divorce does funny things

#58

Post by cm2012 »

On infidelity - to some extent people's personal business is not my business.

But if I hear that someone was unfaithful to their spouse, my business trust in them goes waaay down.

If they're willing to break trust with the person closest to them in their life, what chance do I have as a mere business partner of not being screwed over at some point?

Re: Divorce does funny things

#59

Post by RNCTX »

shijie wrote: post #14
mrsmee89 wrote: post #9

As a divorced man, I can attest to this wholeheartedly. There's an energy a man gets when you're building a family that helps motivate through the struggle. When you get divorced, especially when kids are involved, there's an expectation in our society (court system, social pressure, etc) to continue life as if that energy still exists, it simply doesn't. It's maddening. Breaking up a family is lose-lose. There are n…

I’m going through this right now. I’ve done everything I could to try and save the marriage. My spouse is on the warpath. We have a 2 year-old daughter. I would be willing to work on myself and expect nothing in return for the rest of my life if it meant my daughter could go to the park with her mommy and daddy together. I cannot say the smallest part of how I feel. Unyielding personal torment and failure. Breaking u…

My sympathies, I've been there. My daughter was a teenager, though, so not so bad. In a couple of years she was grown and on her own anyway.

I know it won't make you feel any better, but when you get into your late 40s (assuming you're younger due to the age of your daughter) it will dawn on you that there's nothing you could have done differently, it's not anyone's fault.

The cruel joke of life is that you don't know what to do until middle-age, and by then you have the briefest of moments to make the most of it because your physical / mental endurance is on borrowed time at that point. That sounds work-related, but the same things apply to people's social lives too. They don't recognize their compulsive behaviors and mistakes until they're old enough to know better. Some never do.

Re: Divorce does funny things

#60

Post by me_im_counting »

mrsmee89 wrote: post #34
me_im_counting wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Are they? At least among wealthy men, it seems much more common for them to remarry and make a brand new second family while the ex wife is left doing most things for the first set of kids. Plus, it’s significantly more common for men to leave their wives when their wives get diagnosed with cancer than vice versa. IMO, divorce sucks worst for whoever is the most conscientious person and invested in the family, regard…

> IMO, divorce sucks worst for whoever is the most conscientious person and invested in the family, regardless of gender. This is a more thoughtful way of putting it. Thank you. I do think that men tend to get the raw end of the deal when it comes to custody though.

Yeah, that does seem to be true, not that I have particular expertise on that. Sorry that you’ve had to experience that firsthand and I hope things get better for you. I think men and women have their unique challenge “clusters” with divorce (though they are tendencies, not the rule) and custody seems to be a rough one for men.
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