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Steps Towards Happiness (2015)

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Re: Steps Towards Happiness (2015)

#61

Post by lukebuehler »

d3ckard wrote: post #40
lukebuehler wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well, if you want a really reductionist view of happiness, which also happens to be largely true, you could say: have children.

It kind of works, honestly. Since my son was born earlier this year (first kid), I certainly see how he can effortlessly make me happy in a way I found hard to achieve earlier. While I handled most of my depression-like issues before (mostly anxiety), he seems to have a great impact on making me feel fully recovered, motivated and wanting things from life again.

Yep, I have many of them. It's hard, and and sleep deprivation is not the most direct path to Zen. But... behind it all there is this deep seated satisfaction and, yes, happiness with raising children.

Re: Steps Towards Happiness (2015)

#62

Post by rambambram »

jackhiggs wrote: post #8
nodejs_rulez_1 wrote: post #2

The intentions there are good, but reads bit unrealistic in some places. Being a boomer, author doesn't realise how far financially he is then many people who are younger. > Stop wasting your time on commuting, boring jobs, meetings, TV. Do only things that you feel are worthwhile, with people you like. If this means a cut in income, so be it. TV - sure, commuting - thanks to COVID only, the rest - sorry, but I would…

I agree, but I'm going to go in harder. The author seems to think that people have infinite time. Many points require an allocation of time that most people - in particular those with families and caring responsibilities - do not have. Remove bad actors? What if the bad actor is the mother/father of your kids? What if they're a parent who requires care you/they can't afford so you have to do it yourself? It's all so…

I think the author - who passed away unfortunately - has more than enough to say about dealing with bad actors. Read his book The Psychopath Code.

Re: Steps Towards Happiness (2015)

#63

Post by rambambram »

zoobab wrote: post #55
antihero wrote: post #51

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ah, shoot :( That's such a shame! (that they died, not that they didn't ever get to use HTTPS).

At least there is no cert which expire. And no authority to obey. Pieter was my best friend, a great loss. But his writings are here to stay, i guess he started to write some books after 2009, when he got his first duct bill cancer.

His book The Psychopath Code helped me tremendously. I remember also reading some other books from him. Good stuff, food for thought. A great loss indeed.

Re: Steps Towards Happiness (2015)

#64

Post by refurb »

pdimitar wrote: post #45
refurb wrote: post #41

To me it’s all about expectations (realistic or not) and wether they are met. Expect to be poor and if you hit middle class you’ll be happy and grateful. Expect to be rich and the same outcome will produce depression. Not to sound like a stoicism fanatic, but that’s one aspect that helps. Reminding yourself of everything you could lose drives some appreciation for what you have, whatever it is. And yes, acknowledgeme…

I agree with your comment a lot. Don't think of me as a nitpicker, I simply want to add a nuance to this statement: > Reminding yourself of everything you could lose drives some appreciation for what you have, whatever it is. I have observed many people having trouble with that and I agree with you that this is very much needed in our lives to give us some humility. That being said, to some people -- myself included…

Interesting comment on appreciation. It’s not easy by any means and I’ve found myself fall into thought patterns where I start to feel like I’ve been cheated by life.

But at least for me, a lot of it is driven by distraction. Work becomes overwhelming. Or family becomes too hard to juggle. So caught up in what’s in front of you that you lose the big picture.

Where I’ve found clarity is in the “being present mindset”. Giving my son a bath and noticing just how much he changes everyday and what that experience must be like for him reminds me that time is fleeting. Often what we value most in the future are the experiences of the past. And taking the time to truly connect with my son will be one of those things I’ll look back on in 10 years and truly appreciate that I took that time.

And don’t get me wrong. The hedonistic treadmill is the reason we went to the moon. Never being satisfied will drive humanity to do incredible things, but it will also drive people to depression. It’s neither good nor bad but just is. Acknowledging that and seeing it in yourself can help immensely.

Re: Steps Towards Happiness (2015)

#65

Post by refurb »

lukebuehler wrote: post #28
drclau wrote: post #14

Every time I hear or read about happiness, I remember this quote from Thomas Metzinger. I hope you’ll find it useful, too: “Evolution as such is not a process to be glorified: It is blind, driven by chance and not by insight. It is merciless and sacrifices individuals. It invented the reward system in the brain; it invented positive and negative feelings to motivate our behavior; it placed us on a hedonic treadmill t…

Well, if you want a really reductionist view of happiness, which also happens to be largely true, you could say: have children.

Not to be trite but I feel like a big part of the happiness that children produce is just a focus on someone else’s happiness other than your own.

It’s hard to worry too much when someone else’s existence depends on you. It’s incredibly hard, but like most things that are incredibly hard that’s where the contentment is found.

Re: Steps Towards Happiness (2015)

#66

Post by TaXaZ »

DecayingOrganic wrote: post #49
lukebuehler wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well, if you want a really reductionist view of happiness, which also happens to be largely true, you could say: have children.

When you have children, why should evolution be seen as under pressure to make you happy? If the ultimate goal is to ensure that you will care for them for the time necessary for the offspring's wellbeing, there are various ways to do this without making the parents happy; in fact, making the parents happy may be counterproductive.

I think it BCZ actually doesn't stem from happiness or even lack of it (say hello to functioning unhappy parents). Children give strong "purpose" and hijack the dopamine circuitry which is the real driver behind human drive, evolutionary speaking (yes they also hijack some other circuitry as well, but the real drive is the dopamine system). TLDR, you're right, it works on another dimension which is even more fundamental than happiness dimension. The dopamine circuitry stems from lizard brain and quite old, evolutionary speaking.

Re: Steps Towards Happiness (2015)

#67

Post by taneq »

refurb wrote: post #65
lukebuehler wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well, if you want a really reductionist view of happiness, which also happens to be largely true, you could say: have children.

Not to be trite but I feel like a big part of the happiness that children produce is just a focus on someone else’s happiness other than your own. It’s hard to worry too much when someone else’s existence depends on you. It’s incredibly hard, but like most things that are incredibly hard that’s where the contentment is found.

> just a focus on someone else’s happiness other than your own.

That's a pretty universal ingredient in any roadmap to happiness, isn't it? I mean that's basically the Christmas Spirit right there.

Re: Steps Towards Happiness (2015)

#69

Post by TimPC »

pdimitar wrote: post #37

I don't disagree with the article in principle, but to me it seems that us the modern people are pressured much harder than previous generations. At 41 y/o I have arrived at most of the same wisdom but I can't see how and where can I implement it. As others commenters said, I wish I could take a pay cut and work on things I love more than my current job. I absolutely can't afford it; not because I can't take the inco…

Financially sure we face more pressure. But let’s be honest that modern society is practically a utopia compared to being drafted into WW2 and facing carnage and death.
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