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Don’t be spooky

therealadam.com

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Re: Don’t be spooky

#81

Post by redisman »

Hayarotle wrote: post #36
logicchop wrote: post #15

The way I see it, if "let's talk when you get a minute" comes across as spooky that means you already have a communication breakdown and mistrust has already blossomed. Here's a slightly different scenario: You have a disagreement with management; there are many subsequent conversations happening behind the scenes; but no one keeps you in the loop or updates you on what is being decided. In that situation, practicall…

Trust alone isn't enough to make a cryptic message not cryptic. I can 100% trust someone, but still be scared when they send cryptic messages like that. With a cryptic message, you won`t be able to predict what they are going to say, and they still might have to deliver bad news like "X has been fired", "X has passed away", "there was a critical failure in product Y", "our department has been having financial problem…

If my wife sends me a “we need to talk after work” then I’ll be scared shitless even if I trust her with my life. Or if my mom sends me a calendar invite for a “quick life update”. It has nothing to do with trust. It’s just good communication to state what it is you need to talk about.

Re: Don’t be spooky

#82

Post by dylan604 »

dennyabraham wrote: post #54
grantjpowell wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As silly as it sounds, I use the technique of using of using _really_ informal language to avoid spookiness "Wanna see somthing cool?" "Lets shoot the shit after this" "Yo, you wanna hang for a minute at 4"

Unfortunately, for people that don't know you, this can be spooky to the other person while reassuring yourself. If you can be specific and provide context, you can prepare the person to engage you much faster and more effectively.

"You'll never guess what happened. Hit me up to find out more"

if it works for headlines, why not messages to your co-workers?

Re: Don’t be spooky

#83

Post by smegcicle »

bitwize wrote: post #67
simonswords82 wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Oh come on...you cannot be serious.

I don't make the rules: https://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2017/10/24/559502238... Using the word "niggardly" can get you fired because it's slur-adjacent. Anyone who uses it in 2021 is looking to give offense. As we understand words like "spook" in a new light, it becomes prudent to avoid using them as well, lest we be seen as deliberately offending people. It's always important to think about the social effect…

I know you're being sarcastic, but responding anyway.

NPR fortunately also does not make the rules. Refusing to use the word 'spooky' because someone might imagine racial connotations creates those very connotations, while continuing to use it the regular way prevents those connotations from creeping in.

Those looking to be offended, especially on behalf of others, are ofcourse free to do so, and they are also free to be offended at being publicly ridiculed when they attempt to use their cultivated sensitivity to redefine acceptable discourse.

Re: Don’t be spooky

#84

Post by dudul »

bitwize wrote: post #67
simonswords82 wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Oh come on...you cannot be serious.

I don't make the rules: https://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2017/10/24/559502238... Using the word "niggardly" can get you fired because it's slur-adjacent. Anyone who uses it in 2021 is looking to give offense. As we understand words like "spook" in a new light, it becomes prudent to avoid using them as well, lest we be seen as deliberately offending people. It's always important to think about the social effect…

So Leah Donnella makes the rules?

I genuinely can't tell if your message is 2nd degree or not.

Re: Don’t be spooky

#85

Post by protomyth »

vorpalhex wrote: post #69
protomyth wrote: post #66

if "let's talk when you get a minute" is spooky, then you have other problems. In a normal environment, that phrase simply means "hey, I need some time, nothing urgent just need to talk about something". If brings dread to your day, then the job is not working out the way it should. You're in a toxic environment and need to extract yourself from it. If your workplace has common toxic symbols (e.g. the HR folks bought…

I dislike that phrase because it gives me no context. Does my manager want to talk about a specific project? A team change? A goal change? An issue? Does he want to chat about a new marathon he wants to run? Give me context. If you want to chat for twenty minutes just to catch up, then that's fine but just tell me.

So you want every communication with you to have full context? Perhaps the manager needs a couple of things and wants to be respectful of your schedule. They might not know the full extent of the conversation yet. If you work in an environment where full context is necessary to combat paranoia then there are other problems. If you need to have every conversation be formal then don't expect to be the first person a manager talks to when they are thinking about things.

Re: Don’t be spooky

#86

Post by redisman »

madamelic wrote: post #18
logicchop wrote: post #15

The way I see it, if "let's talk when you get a minute" comes across as spooky that means you already have a communication breakdown and mistrust has already blossomed. Here's a slightly different scenario: You have a disagreement with management; there are many subsequent conversations happening behind the scenes; but no one keeps you in the loop or updates you on what is being decided. In that situation, practicall…

> The way I see it, if "let's talk when you get a minute" comes across as spooky that means you already have a communication breakdown and mistrust has already blossomed. I talked with a former boss about this (in a good way): trust. I always think about this when thinking about my relationship with an employer: do I trust them to do right by me? Typically when the answer is "no", I know it's time to leave. You need…

Even if you trust your boss, do you also go for drinks with the CFO and CTO on the weekends? Have cookouts with the VP of engineering? Join the board meetings where they decide to kill your region? In the end a middle manager is just a small cog with most everything out of their control. Having a decent relationship is as good as it gets but it’s hardly a safeguard against much of anything

Re: Don’t be spooky

#87

Post by Zababa »

bitwize wrote: post #67
simonswords82 wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Oh come on...you cannot be serious.

I don't make the rules: https://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2017/10/24/559502238... Using the word "niggardly" can get you fired because it's slur-adjacent. Anyone who uses it in 2021 is looking to give offense. As we understand words like "spook" in a new light, it becomes prudent to avoid using them as well, lest we be seen as deliberately offending people. It's always important to think about the social effect…

> Anyone who uses it in 2021 is looking to give offense.

Most people in the world have no idea of the current state of racial tensions/issues in the USA. The majority of English speaker in the world don't live in the USA.

Re: Don’t be spooky

#88

Post by dudul »

"Never message someone on your team, “let’s talk when you get a minute”."

This advice applies beyond the manager/report relationship.

I always ignore these freaking "hey" or "got a minute?" messages on slack. For the life of me, I can't imagine how either dumb or disrespectful you have to be to send such a useless message.

Just tell me what the f you want to talk about. If prod is down yeah, I definitely have a minute buddy. If you're wondering how to organize next quarter's roadmap it can wait until I'm done doing whatever I'm in the middle of.

Re: Don’t be spooky

#89

Post by bookface »

webtopf wrote: post #5

It works the other way around too. As a manager, when some of my employees sent me messages like: "Can we talk when you have some time?" One of my immediate fears was that they are quitting because he found another job. That happened only once, the other 300 times it was just about something they were working on and needed more information.

I don't take as much issue with this happening the other way around. It's a rare opportunity for the information asymmetry shoe to be on the other foot.

Re: Don’t be spooky

#90

Post by redisman »

williamdclt wrote: post #31
logicchop wrote: post #15

The way I see it, if "let's talk when you get a minute" comes across as spooky that means you already have a communication breakdown and mistrust has already blossomed. Here's a slightly different scenario: You have a disagreement with management; there are many subsequent conversations happening behind the scenes; but no one keeps you in the loop or updates you on what is being decided. In that situation, practicall…

> you already have a communication breakdown and mistrust has already blossomed Or you haven't had the time and chance to build up communication and trust. That takes a long time, it's perfectly natural that it would take many months to a few years for somebody to feel perfectly safe in their relationship with their managers

We’ve also been in a insane bull market for most of many peoples careers now. Many fresh managers have never seen bad times. It’s easy to be a pal when times are good and budgets aplenty. From 2008 I remember a distinct overnight shift in managements demeanor once they knew what was coming for us
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