How I lost my fear of flying (2011) • Hacker News Board

Re: How I lost my fear of flying (2011)

#31

Post by phlalexsh » Sat, Nov 06, 2021, 4:40 PM UTC

ycombinete wrote: post #25

dahart wrote: post #23

Dang, I thought there might be good advice here, but I’ve tried reading good books and that doesn’t work for me. Xanax does work, but I’d much rather cure my anxiety than suppress it with drugs. I’ve heard flight simulators and/or earning a pilot’s license can do the trick, can anyone confirm? It’s not a rational fear or a safety concern, I’m comfortable getting on a plane. I’ve been on thousands of flights. I used t…

I get more afraid of flying with each flight. It’s bizarre. I was totally fine flying, then slowly, with each flight it got worse. I wouldn’t say I’m a “nervous flyer”, but on takeoff I feel afraid. And then occasionally during the flight I kind realise how absurd the situation I’m in is and it really freaks me out.

Hi are you me? I've been on literally several hundred flights in my life, starting at age 4. Then at 16 I had a panic attack before getting on a flight. So each new flight after that was always prefaced with this anxiety of having another attack.

It was like that for a few years, then I had a panic attack on a flight. But I still flew for a few years after that, usually just a couple times a year. I don't recall the last flight I took, but it's been a couple years. Maybe it was cross country from Philadelphia to San Francisco, so a fairly long flight.

I've since been taking Amtrak, which I FUCKING love. Outside of not having all the anxiety of the flight, going on a long train trip is the highlight of my year and hands down best sleep I get. Watching the scenery slowly change as I do work, play games, or just relax is one of my favorite things now. It's even better if I'm able to get my own private room. Now its not glamorous, but having your own toilet and bed really makes a huge difference.

Hopefully in the future I can start flying again if I HAVE to. But I don't think I'll ever stop taking the train if the timing is right for wherever I'm going.

Re: How I lost my fear of flying (2011)

#32

Post by kabdib » Sat, Nov 06, 2021, 4:48 PM UTC

I used to be moderately afraid of flying. Just didn't trust the machine.

Then I saw an episode of PBS's Nova where they filmed a bend test of the 777 wing, to destruction. The deflection they achieved before the wing snapped was jaw-dropping. I'm no longer afraid of the wings falling off, these are amazing machines.

I might change my mind if I saw the software. :-)

Re: How I lost my fear of flying (2011)

#33

Post by tdrdt » Sat, Nov 06, 2021, 5:39 PM UTC

As far as I know there are only 3 or 4 types of fear that are natural. I can't remember all of them but only two: fear of fast approaching things (objects, sounds, experiences) and fear of heights.

I think fear of flying has to do with fear of heights. It just feels unnatural.

Then there is the anxiety circle: - There is an event (turbulence). - This triggers a thought of fear (often very fast so it is goes unnoticed). - Your body responds to this thought with stress which is the next event in the circle.

What the author does when he reads books is missing a lot of events that could trigger thoughts of fear. This is one way of overcoming fear.

But maybe a better way is to analyze the thoughts that you had that triggered the stress response. You can analyze those thoughts and ask yourself: is it true what I am thinking? What are the chances?

One thing that also helps with anxiety is to, kind of, embrace it. Something like: 'ah I am having an anxiety attack, lets see what triggered this'.

Well, after being almost smashed to the runway once in heavy turbulence I still don't like flying.

Become braver instead of less afraid.

Re: How I lost my fear of flying (2011)

#34

Post by telesilla » Sat, Nov 06, 2021, 5:49 PM UTC

I have direct experience of curing this fear and highly recommend the method:

I took flying lessons.

I was afraid of mechanical failure, weather, random noises, people errors, generally the unknown. The moment I was in charge of the plane I realised how just damn safe these things are. I cannot describe it. It requires an immense amount of effort to encourage a plane to land - they want to fly!! You just need to try it yourself and then take off and landing will become moments of great fun.

A tip about turbulence: think of a speed boat. It skips across the water but has no risk of sinking or failing. The boat is built for that action. But you notice a lot how heavy it bumps over the water, it's forceful. But then realise, how much distance the boat is actually jumping around - only a few inches! And so is a plane! It just feels like so much more because of the speed and size of the craft. But it the same principle as a speedboat on water.

Re: How I lost my fear of flying (2011)

#35

Post by telesilla » Sat, Nov 06, 2021, 6:03 PM UTC

mpalczewski wrote: post #21

gmanis wrote: post #12

This is my greatest fear and has lead my life into a completely different direction. From a promising young CS graduate working in tech in US to someone who’s had to leave many opportunities to family members unable to travel with me, it is very debilitating. I have tried exposure therapy, learnt a lot about flying, used sim games, and no amount of statistics has helped so far. Maybe the fear stems from underlying un…

I tried a bunch of that too. I even had jumped out of an airplane, and I took flying lessons and still panic attack every time I flew. Though flying lessons did help, skydiving was awesome but terrifying and didn’t help at all. What finally helped me, was Allen Carr easy way to enjoy flying and the happiness trap. Not sure which book did it but I’m flying now with what I would call a normal level of anxiety most of t…

Allen Car helped me stop smoking and flying lessons helped me stop being afraid of flying! I'd be curious to hear if there was a single moment for you in your lessons you remember that helped you. For me, I was in a non-powered plane and had to land. The incredible resistance of the aircraft was the moment of enlightenment for me.

Re: How I lost my fear of flying (2011)

#36

Post by bananamerica » Sat, Nov 06, 2021, 6:24 PM UTC

I'm sorry for the "spoiler"... but in the end the famous writer discovered the solution was to read great books during the flight? Who would've guessed? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I feel that I wasted my time.

Re: How I lost my fear of flying (2011)

#37

Post by mpalczewski » Sat, Nov 06, 2021, 7:28 PM UTC

telesilla wrote: post #35

mpalczewski wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I tried a bunch of that too. I even had jumped out of an airplane, and I took flying lessons and still panic attack every time I flew. Though flying lessons did help, skydiving was awesome but terrifying and didn’t help at all. What finally helped me, was Allen Carr easy way to enjoy flying and the happiness trap. Not sure which book did it but I’m flying now with what I would call a normal level of anxiety most of t…

Allen Car helped me stop smoking and flying lessons helped me stop being afraid of flying! I'd be curious to hear if there was a single moment for you in your lessons you remember that helped you. For me, I was in a non-powered plane and had to land. The incredible resistance of the aircraft was the moment of enlightenment for me.

Yes the non powered landing was the most profound part of flying lessons for me.

Re: How I lost my fear of flying (2011)

#38

Post by gmanis » Sun, Nov 07, 2021, 12:20 AM UTC

nzmsv wrote: post #30

gmanis wrote: post #12

This is my greatest fear and has lead my life into a completely different direction. From a promising young CS graduate working in tech in US to someone who’s had to leave many opportunities to family members unable to travel with me, it is very debilitating. I have tried exposure therapy, learnt a lot about flying, used sim games, and no amount of statistics has helped so far. Maybe the fear stems from underlying un…

Try reading "Panic Free" by Tom Bunn. It approaches the fear of flying from a psychological perspective, has concrete cookbook style suggestions, and definitely appealed to the engineer in me.

Thank you.

Re: How I lost my fear of flying (2011)

#39

Post by sim_card_map » Sun, Nov 07, 2021, 12:45 AM UTC

Disruptive_Dave wrote: post #9

I flew enough as a child and then with my first job to be comfortable with flying. Never really considered fear. Then I took a flight back from Vegas to NYC and it ended up in an emergency state as both hydraulic systems were lost on takeoff [1]. It was fascinating to experience fear creep into the physical environment. Fear of the unknown as we all heard the obviously-bad noise during takeoff. You could tell we were…

Fascinating, thanks for sharing!

Re: How I lost my fear of flying (2011)

#40

Post by bschwindHN » Sun, Nov 07, 2021, 1:35 AM UTC

I play Rammstein's Du hast during takeoff to make it feel badass instead of scary, while also playing 2048 on my phone to keep my brain distracted. Noise cancelling earbuds help too.