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Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#171

Post by PakG1 »

cybernautique wrote: post #106
PakG1 wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

An initial glance makes it seem similar to Schrödinger's cat. I do use Schrödinger's cat type thinking to make decisions and think about things when I don't know what the right answer is, so just act as if all scenarios are the right one until I know for sure which is right. I shall look into it, as well as the book. Your point in that there's not much one can do to reason oneself into or out of valuing collaboration…

Keep in mind, rationalism is about "this, therefore that;" the root of rationalism is ratio, as in the multiplicity of proportions which lie between integers. Rationalist thought is "I have these guarantees, what does that mean for this context?" Try inverting it: "I want these contexts, what guarantees allow for their manifestation?" It's also important to remember that we are animals of habit and change. Valuing co…

This is interesting food for thought.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#172

Post by stephenitis »

halgir wrote: post #145

Someone else in the thread used the term "chronic bitcher", and that's exactly what I used to be. At any given time I would (subconsciously) look for things to complain about, and I always found them. I was traveling with some friends, doing my usual complaining every day, when one of them finally asked me to please shut up. At first I was offended, but shortly after realized what I had been doing. Committed to stop…

Can you share the post?

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#174

Post by goodpoint »

russelldjimmy wrote: post #83

Here’s how I got over my negativity: Like many others here on HN, I lean more towards the “intellectual” and “analytical” side of thinking. I was not very mindful of my emotions and how they influenced my thinking. The thing about thinking is that our analytical minds rationalise our thoughts and hence our conclusions _feel_ rational. But what we don’t see easily is that our emotions define the axioms on which our ra…

> I lean more towards the “intellectual” and “analytical” side of thinking. I was not very mindful of my emotions and how they influenced my thinking. > The thing about thinking is that our analytical minds rationalise our thoughts and hence our conclusions _feel_ rational.

This is spot on!

A lot of people call themselves "rational" when they are driven by unexposed anger or fear. Including fear of their own feelings.

Real rational thinking is the opposite of being an emotionless robot. It's about being deeply aware of our emotions and how they affect our though process.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#176

Post by raxxorrax »

seaknoll wrote: post #40

I'm not perfect about this but one experience in particular helped me. I was a new employee doing on-the-job training for an even newer employee, while we were trying to meet a deadline. We were the only two people working on this project, in the middle of rural NM, out of cell range, and having to improvise. He kept making suggestions and I kept explaining why they wouldn't work. Suddenly he point-blank asked me why…

I don't think negative comments are obnoxious. I vastly prefer them to being a naive fan of everything. I believe this negativity is just being realistic and isn't a result of an inflated ego or insecurity. Reality is that people are often handed a bad deal and it is endemic in the tech industry by now.

There is a difference to saying no to everything of course, but part of the negativity in tech is that it is earned.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#177

Post by halgir »

stephenitis wrote: post #172
halgir wrote: post #145

Someone else in the thread used the term "chronic bitcher", and that's exactly what I used to be. At any given time I would (subconsciously) look for things to complain about, and I always found them. I was traveling with some friends, doing my usual complaining every day, when one of them finally asked me to please shut up. At first I was offended, but shortly after realized what I had been doing. Committed to stop…

Can you share the post?

Sure: https://halgir.fo/godi-halt-kjaft/

It's in Faroese, which isn't supported by Google Translate. Good luck. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#178

Post by raxxorrax »

agumonkey wrote: post #151
oblib wrote: post #9

I've pointed out to close friends and family "there are people who walk into a room and look for something to complain about, and they will always find something because nothing is too small for them to complain about". That's a habit, and it's a pretty annoying one if you're living with someone who does that, and I have lived with a few who did. After dealing it with for a long time I finally came up with that respo…

> I've pointed out to close friends and family "there are people who walk into a room and look for something to complain about, and they will always find something because nothing is too small for them to complain about". Weak, frustrated and attention seekers ? I often view them as people in fear of something that enjoy the reflex of negative / toxic behavior just to get a reaction from their environment. It's not t…

How do you differentiate someone bringing forward criticism from someone being frustrated and an attention seeker?

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#179

Post by agumonkey »

raxxorrax wrote: post #178
agumonkey wrote: post #151

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I've pointed out to close friends and family "there are people who walk into a room and look for something to complain about, and they will always find something because nothing is too small for them to complain about". Weak, frustrated and attention seekers ? I often view them as people in fear of something that enjoy the reflex of negative / toxic behavior just to get a reaction from their environment. It's not t…

How do you differentiate someone bringing forward criticism from someone being frustrated and an attention seeker?

There are obvious signs: the lack of politeness, urgency of expressing themselves first, not giving you space to talk, tone, and also the adequacy of the issue at hand. When people go mad for small secondary issues you know. Or when there could be 100 different topics to discuss, some good, some bad, but only the bad gets mentioned.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#180

Post by roeles »

cybernautique wrote: post #55
PakG1 wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I read that book and as I recall, it makes the point that you need to have the intention and motivation to make it work, or else it won't matter. Whereas for me, the reasons I am always considering negative stuff (I just find it important to think in worst-case scenarios for various reasons), completely outweigh any desire I have to be more friendly and likeable. This has made my marriage difficult at times, and I've…

I recommend "Tuesdays With Morrie" for a good why book. Either you value collaboration and the opinions of others, or you don't; there's not much that you can do to reason yourself into or out of it, since it's not really a rational position. I find dialetheism[0] to be a fulfilling model of mental gymnastics for this 'humbling' you refer to. [0] https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/dialetheism/

Thank you for recommending that book.
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