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Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#141

Post by Nevermark »

cybernautique wrote: post #132
Nevermark wrote: post #117

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No I had not, so thanks for the reference! I just looked him up on Wikipedia and my first impression is he was a very original/independent thinker. :) I came to that view unconsciously at first, before I recognized it explicitly. It never made sense to me to not care about my net impact carrying on after I die, since it is pretty clear I am going to die, and very soon relative to our home the universe. Caring about t…

I highly recommend reading it as a comedy, in the vein of inherently absurd shitposts. Stirner's bragadocio really underscores the absurdity of self-interest vis-a-vis the individual's standing with reality. I very much agree with your position! I came to a similar view, which I only acknowledged in my explicit deconstruction of my beliefs. It's taken me ages to reconverge; Camus, Kierkegaard, Nietzsche, and Stirner…

Yes - interested!

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#142

Post by zaptheimpaler »

There is always a ton of advice out there, and i could give you some of my own but anything too specific probably won’t help, because I don’t know you.

So my only advice is to seriously take on the task of answering this question yourself. Get curious about yourself. Not intellectually, i mean observe yourself - thoughts flying by, sensations in your body. Maybe try doing it just before or after you post/say something negative. Maybe try writing to yourself or talking to yourself. Take it seriously and dig in to the question as if its worth answering - use all the abilities you might at your job too - planning, project management, writing, etc. I have found this approach to be more helpful than “consuming” information when trying to make any change because i can actually discover problems and formulate solutions that might work rather than sort of blindly cycling through advice. Sort of like building software - nontechnical people will sometimes just try or suggest buzzword tech or software, but any good engineer will work to deeply understand the actual problem they are trying to solve - the solution is often simple and obvious once you understand the problem.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#143

Post by locallost »

It depends what you really mean with negative. I used to be negative in a way that I looked at things critically (including myself). I've fixed this by sort of adjusting the way I rate things. What I previously thought was good I now consider excellent. It's easy to look at good engineering, art, jokes etc. and consider that normal and the minimum of what is good, but in fact all of that is really hard to accomplish. So if something is nothing special, that's actually still pretty ok! One way to do this is to try to accomplish something you have a vague idea of how to do, but you've never done (I don't know, design a poster) and realize it's actually maybe not that easy. This gives you an appreciation for things that maybe look like "anybody can do it", but that it's not only about having an idea, that there's also a lot of skill involved. With time, I've just started to concentrate more on the things that are good in something, that inspire me maybe in a certain way.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#144

Post by samvher »

I recently read "Learned Optimism" by Martin Seligman and while I can't say that it has turned me into a beacon of hope and positivity, it has given me some useful tools and insights.

Basically the book helps you dissect some of your thought patterns (mostly focused on the explanations you come up with for things that happen to you), and to steer them into a more positive direction where appropriate.

From what I understand (not an expert) there is some overlap with these techniques and what's used in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) when treating things like depression.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#145

Post by halgir »

Someone else in the thread used the term "chronic bitcher", and that's exactly what I used to be. At any given time I would (subconsciously) look for things to complain about, and I always found them.

I was traveling with some friends, doing my usual complaining every day, when one of them finally asked me to please shut up. At first I was offended, but shortly after realized what I had been doing. Committed to stop doing it there and then.

Because I've been there, I'm now conscious about others having this trait. For many people I think it's an attempt at socializing. Commiserating is an easy way to bond, but if you can't temper it, you just come across as an annoying complainer.

I wrote about this on my blog, and even made a flowchart for what to do when I feel the urge to complain. That particular post is not in English, so I won't share it here.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#146

Post by axguscbklp »

Well hold on man - why tackle it? So many things genuinely suck that negativity is quite understandable. If what you really mean to ask is "how do I prevent my negativity from hurting my ability to gain power in society?", then we can talk about that. But that is a bit of a different matter.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#147

Post by donatj »

kilburn wrote: post #130
seaknoll wrote: post #40

I'm not perfect about this but one experience in particular helped me. I was a new employee doing on-the-job training for an even newer employee, while we were trying to meet a deadline. We were the only two people working on this project, in the middle of rural NM, out of cell range, and having to improvise. He kept making suggestions and I kept explaining why they wouldn't work. Suddenly he point-blank asked me why…

> The best way I've found to interrupt it is to ask myself "what if they're right" and/or "in what way might this person be right that I may not have considered"? There's also a great question to ask yourself even before those: is it worth it? A lot of times just ignoring improvements you can see/sense is the right call. Every time you bring up a suggestion (whether it is to a teammate or to yourself) your are affect…

> If you are one of these people who just cannot "let something go", what you can do is write that thing down.

I used to be hypercritical in code review, but I started instead just taking note of small things that didn’t really matter and fixing them myself during downtime.

I feel a little mixed on the solution. On the one hand it has the junior devs less afraid of me and more willing to actually ask for help. On the other hand they’re not learning from some of their mistakes. Life is full of trade offs though.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#148

Post by formerly_proven »

hackly wrote: post #99
gremloni wrote: post #92

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Working from home is the only thing making working tolerable.

Not if you’re single with little means and motivation to socialize.

If work is the only way you socialize, you're kinda screwed anyway.

(generic you, not accusative you-you)

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#150

Post by agumonkey »

Well you're already doing it. We're all flowing emotions, and stepping outside of ourselves at times helps redirect our brain off negativity.

Also, personally, accepting the blurry averages, and focusing on shared joy. Things might not be ideal but as long as people around are ok, then it's fine.

Other than that you can have some brain time off (deep zen craft, biking, hiking, swimming) these all helps reset your mood.

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