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Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#41

Post by [deleted] »

oblib wrote: post #4
newbamboo wrote: post #3

It’s just the way hackernews works. You aren’t allowed to post vacuous comments like “this is great!”, or “I think op is spot on!” Because they are devoid of content. So criticism, rightly or wrongly, tends to dominate. But the fact that you can’t downvote, only upvote, means even if your comments aren’t “positive” your impact on site content is. (I realize some people can downvote, but most of those aren’t real peop…

I may be wrong but I think being able to "downvote" may be tied to a minimum "karma" points. I don't know what that minimum is though. I know I'm a real person and I can downvote. I'm sure it's fair to say I get more downvotes than I give and give way more upvotes than downvotes.

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#43

Post by rnoorda »

There's a lot of good advice in this thread already, but one thing I've been working on lately is watching what I consume. When I consume lots of negative content (full of outrage, anger, etc.) I become more negative. Sustained outrage drags me down, but is also addictive. Pulling myself away from anger helps me refocus on what I actually feel positive about.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#44

Post by codr7 »

Sometimes negativity is the right response.

Chronic negativity comes from somewhere, it has a cause; and then it becomes a habit. It's also a form of self defense, because it makes you less vulnerable.

Consider cutting down on mainstream media and entertainment, everything you consume goes somewhere.

Meditation works, but takes serious effort to get anywhere, because you will have to confront whatever is eating you from the inside.

Turn off all gadgets and sit or lie completely still with your eyes closed while observing the background track in your head for a while. Don't judge or identify, just observe.

Take or leave, and good luck!

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#45

Post by pronlover723 »

oblib wrote: post #9

I've pointed out to close friends and family "there are people who walk into a room and look for something to complain about, and they will always find something because nothing is too small for them to complain about". That's a habit, and it's a pretty annoying one if you're living with someone who does that, and I have lived with a few who did. After dealing it with for a long time I finally came up with that respo…

I would find advice like this more helpful if I could figure out how to integrate it with the idea that somethings actually are bad and that pointing them out brings awareness.

An HN example might be bug reports. Bug reports are not being negative, they're being positive, trying to help fix an issue by pointing out it. The same is true for feature requests. You might not like the request but it's arguably a positive thing to get the info and possibly be presented a new idea.

I'm recently semi-addicted to the "Not Just Bikes" youtube channel and it is arguably all "bitching about stuff". But the goal is clearly to raise awareness of the what most in the USA take for granted.

I often try to look for the positive, but it often feels like learning to accept shoddy quality. Hey, this food tastes nothing like the real dishes but at least I was able to afford to go out..... Doesn't help the fact that the food was bad. Hey, this item I got from amazon is bad quality, but at least I'm privileged enough to have been able to order??!? It's hard to see how not being negative here is a net positive.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#46

Post by oneepic »

Write it down or express it in some way. Completely, even the worst, and I mean the worst, of those thoughts. Then, going back over my own material, I find it weird that I wrote such negative thoughts, and it motivates me to bounce back up from the bottom of the barrel.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#47

Post by systemvoltage »

codr7 wrote: post #44

Sometimes negativity is the right response. Chronic negativity comes from somewhere, it has a cause; and then it becomes a habit. It's also a form of self defense, because it makes you less vulnerable. Consider cutting down on mainstream media and entertainment, everything you consume goes somewhere. Meditation works, but takes serious effort to get anywhere, because you will have to confront whatever is eating you f…

Negativity is incredibly powerful for me, even though I don't express it. Not in the sense it makes me feel smug, but I tear down everything about a particular thing I am focusing on - go to the fundamentals and find out where they went right and wrong. Put the thing to paces, read the manual, assess its usability and what they said it would do and doesn't. I learn from it. Wearing rosy glasses is a disadvantage for me, I lose a grip on developing a taste and seeking excellence.

There are times when you come across absolute perfection (limit of my cognition) and can't find any faults or negative aspects. I get obsessed by whoever built this thing, and often send them an email how inspiring their creation is.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#49

Post by PakG1 »

randycupertino wrote: post #11

Have you ever read the book "How to win Friends and Influence People?" It really helped me become a more positive, likable person. Something about viewing the world through everyone else's eyes and appreciating the good points in everyone. It's weird because it's common sense stuff, but it was a game changer for me. Now I'm friends with the grocery store clerk, the home depot guy, my neighbors, coworkers etc. I try t…

I read that book and as I recall, it makes the point that you need to have the intention and motivation to make it work, or else it won't matter. Whereas for me, the reasons I am always considering negative stuff (I just find it important to think in worst-case scenarios for various reasons), completely outweigh any desire I have to be more friendly and likeable.

This has made my marriage difficult at times, and I've realized that I need to change this. What I need is not a how-to book. I need a really really compelling why book. I unfortunately have yet to find one and envy people who naturally care about that stuff.

I also would prefer not to get judgment from people who don't understand why I can't humble myself, as that happens sometimes. I've tried forcing myself to be humble and continue to try every day (I'm married!), but it would be so much nicer if people could convince me about things rationally instead of expecting me to respect their opinions for no reason other than the relationship can become negative otherwise. Of course, we live in reality, not what we wish was reality. So I suppose I will just continue with struggling to figure this out until I hopefully get the answer, knowing full well that it would actually be pretty useful if I could be a more positive and likeable person. I'm actually going for counselling this week for the first time, maybe the professionals can figure it out for me!

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#50

Post by codr7 »

systemvoltage wrote: post #47
codr7 wrote: post #44

Sometimes negativity is the right response. Chronic negativity comes from somewhere, it has a cause; and then it becomes a habit. It's also a form of self defense, because it makes you less vulnerable. Consider cutting down on mainstream media and entertainment, everything you consume goes somewhere. Meditation works, but takes serious effort to get anywhere, because you will have to confront whatever is eating you f…

Negativity is incredibly powerful for me, even though I don't express it. Not in the sense it makes me feel smug, but I tear down everything about a particular thing I am focusing on - go to the fundamentals and find out where they went right and wrong. Put the thing to paces, read the manual, assess its usability and what they said it would do and doesn't. I learn from it. Wearing rosy glasses is a disadvantage for…

And I think that's why so many with similar kinds of work struggle to keep the mindset out of the rest of their lives.

Striving for perfection is one thing, as long as you realize it's not real.

Sounds like gratitude to me, which is always a good thing.

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