Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#1

Post by cedws » Sun, Oct 31, 2021, 9:52 PM UTC

I've noticed that the majority of my own comments here on HN have a negative spin on them and a lot of my blog posts unfortunately are very ranty. I guess to others this can make me look obnoxious. At the same time, I struggle to suppress my own negativity and feel like I need to get it out.

Does anybody else feel this way? How do (or don't) you tackle it?

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#2

Post by holomorphically » Sun, Oct 31, 2021, 10:24 PM UTC

Write it down and don't share it. Come back to it a day later and see if it still makes sense. This is a very common trick in cognitive behavioral therapy for teaching people basic metacognition. The fundamental goal is to allow for reflection on your own intentions and actions by delaying actions and then leveraging those skills to close the gap between intentions and actions without getting lost in negative emotions.

There is no easy shortcut or royal road. You'll have to do the work to develop the required metacognitve skills.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#3

Post by newbamboo » Sun, Oct 31, 2021, 10:36 PM UTC

It’s just the way hackernews works. You aren’t allowed to post vacuous comments like “this is great!”, or “I think op is spot on!” Because they are devoid of content. So criticism, rightly or wrongly, tends to dominate. But the fact that you can’t downvote, only upvote, means even if your comments aren’t “positive” your impact on site content is. (I realize some people can downvote, but most of those aren’t real people.)

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#4

Post by oblib » Sun, Oct 31, 2021, 11:00 PM UTC

newbamboo wrote: post #3

It’s just the way hackernews works. You aren’t allowed to post vacuous comments like “this is great!”, or “I think op is spot on!” Because they are devoid of content. So criticism, rightly or wrongly, tends to dominate. But the fact that you can’t downvote, only upvote, means even if your comments aren’t “positive” your impact on site content is. (I realize some people can downvote, but most of those aren’t real peop…

I may be wrong but I think being able to "downvote" may be tied to a minimum "karma" points. I don't know what that minimum is though. I know I'm a real person and I can downvote.

I'm sure it's fair to say I get more downvotes than I give and give way more upvotes than downvotes.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#5

Post by CincinnatiMan » Sun, Oct 31, 2021, 11:01 PM UTC

I used to be a negative and cynical person, but lowering my stress gave me a more positive attitude. I accomplished this by getting a lower stress job, recalibrating what I wanted out of life (time and relaxation instead of money and promotions) and also at times taking an SSRI.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#6

Post by mlac » Sun, Oct 31, 2021, 11:03 PM UTC

In life and running a team, negativity is a limiter. If you don’t believe in or are positive about what you’re working on, why should anyone else be?

And if you truly are negative or pessimistic about something, sit with that for a minute and try to figure out why you’re negative. And then work on those areas to make it more likely to succeed.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#7

Post by Beldin » Sun, Oct 31, 2021, 11:17 PM UTC

oblib wrote: post #4

newbamboo wrote: post #3

It’s just the way hackernews works. You aren’t allowed to post vacuous comments like “this is great!”, or “I think op is spot on!” Because they are devoid of content. So criticism, rightly or wrongly, tends to dominate. But the fact that you can’t downvote, only upvote, means even if your comments aren’t “positive” your impact on site content is. (I realize some people can downvote, but most of those aren’t real peop…

I may be wrong but I think being able to "downvote" may be tied to a minimum "karma" points. I don't know what that minimum is though. I know I'm a real person and I can downvote. I'm sure it's fair to say I get more downvotes than I give and give way more upvotes than downvotes.

The karma threshold for down voting is 600 I believe. HN's interface felt very positive to me without downvote buttons.

S

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#8

Post by yesenadam » Sun, Oct 31, 2021, 11:17 PM UTC

I don't think I'm so negative as that, but it is natural to write critical comments on here. Half the time I don't click add comment after I write a comment. Or I rewrite. Then I ask "Is HN better for this comment?" or "Would Alan Kay write a comment like this?" hehe. Or I post then delete. I have delay set to 2 minutes so I have a short while to reconsider/edit after posting.

Have you tried writing a diary? I did that for decades. Yes, it's great to get the stuff out, but do you need other people to see it also?

Maybe try the idea of morning pages from the Artist's Way books - write 3 pages every morning on paper, quickly as you can, just stream of consciousness, don't judge or edit it, don't plan to read it again.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#9

Post by oblib » Sun, Oct 31, 2021, 11:29 PM UTC

I've pointed out to close friends and family "there are people who walk into a room and look for something to complain about, and they will always find something because nothing is too small for them to complain about".

That's a habit, and it's a pretty annoying one if you're living with someone who does that, and I have lived with a few who did. After dealing it with for a long time I finally came up with that response to clearly point it out but I added to it by telling them "Anyone can walk into a room and find something to bitch about but Shit flows both ways and I can do that to you, so you need to stop doing it to me or expect I'll return the favor."

They always deny they do it and that anyone can do it to them. So then I'd wait a few days and when it was far from their thoughts I'd walk in and find something to bitch about them with. And after I did that I tell them "Now you see how easy that is."

The immediate goal is to get them to see they're a chronic bitcher and it works at least to the point where they stop looking for shit to bitch at me about because they know I'll return the favor.

The larger goal though is to get them to see that they have a choice in how they view the world around them. One can also walk into a room and look for what is good to be found there, and if you make a point to do that you're negativity will diminish pretty quickly.

But you have to give yourself a kick in the ass when you find you're being negative and purposely look for something positive. And you'll almost always find something positive if you do that. After awhile that is what you start looking for first.

I sincerely hope this helps.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#10

Post by combatentropy » Sun, Oct 31, 2021, 11:31 PM UTC

I get it out through prayer and thinking on Bible verses. Occasionally I let it out to a trusted friend or family member, but that is a precious resource that I try to use sparingly, because it's taxing on the other person to endure a rant. In the past I have also gone to a therapist to work through some deepseated childhood pain.