Don't overthink it. Just buy some pizzas for your college mates.
Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
31–40 of 218 posts
Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
#32Have you tried authentic relating? It’s a practice of connecting with yourself and others in a deep way.
There are some free online Zoom calls to practice: https://authenticrelating.co/art-community-circles/
It might give you insight into the type of connection you’re looking for and how to create it rather than waiting for it to arrive.
Also, you’re not interested in anime, video games, etc., but what are you interested in? Go to those places and hang around / talk to organizers. You’ll feel more alive in places you feel comfortable. If those places don’t exist then look into creating them.
Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
#33IF some asks you to hang out always say yes. They most likely wont ask again. lower your standards even if you don't plan on being long term friends. Just go out with people and you'll connect with other new people.
Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
#34True friendship comes mostly from shared struggle. Think sports teams, military, small teams at work, even childhood friends and the experience growing up. It is hard to establish anything meaningful of a connection with casual interactions, and expecting to just "party/play hard" with people you don't really know is putting the cart before the horse. First you must work hard together. I'd suggest joining a Crossfit…
For my sake, I picked up martial arts in college and would say that ~75% of my life long friends come from there. I have work-related friends, but there's a very clear difference between them and the people I've punched for years :D
I definitely agree with the shared struggle aspect and add the activity should also have "moments of down time" where you're still "doing" the activity, but you're sort of at a point of waiting. These are the moments where you get to find out someone's life, like if they've got a kid that plays a musical instrument or new policies at their own jobs.
One simple thing we did early on was simply ask some of the other people "what are you doing tonight?" after the class. At least at the college age, there's always a chance a handful of people will be down for going to a bar or pool hall afterwards.
Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
#35My suggestion: invite the people from the club to something. An event on campus, a movie, out to lunch at the dining hall, etc. Ask them about their interests in or outside the club.
You already have a nascent network, see if you can build on it.
You don't say what year you are in college, but my first year was really hard in terms of getting to know folks. Finding that first group of friends was critical to enjoying the rest of college.
Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
#36True friendship comes mostly from shared struggle. Think sports teams, military, small teams at work, even childhood friends and the experience growing up. It is hard to establish anything meaningful of a connection with casual interactions, and expecting to just "party/play hard" with people you don't really know is putting the cart before the horse. First you must work hard together. I'd suggest joining a Crossfit…
I was going to suggest joining a fraternity for the same reasons.
Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
#37One thing I'd add to the advice given already is to get out and socialize sooner rather than later in your degree. When you are a freshman, everyone is in the same boat as you, trying to piece together a new group of friends. It can seem daunting, but know that you're not in it alone! After freshman year, you'll still certainly be able to make plenty of friends, but I found that first year to be especially primed for…
That's part of it, I'm a sophomore and didn't meet anybody last year on zoom. Seems like everybody already got their social group though. I'm at Texas A&M, so if there are any former students around who got ideas lmk.
Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
#38One thing I'd add to the advice given already is to get out and socialize sooner rather than later in your degree. When you are a freshman, everyone is in the same boat as you, trying to piece together a new group of friends. It can seem daunting, but know that you're not in it alone! After freshman year, you'll still certainly be able to make plenty of friends, but I found that first year to be especially primed for…
I'm in a similar situation, I started studying during covid prime time and I'm now in my third semester with absolutely 0 friends/no support group.
Up to now, I've never had any events in person. Some classes are in person again since 3 weeks ago, but everyone immediately runs away after we're dismissed. I'm starting to lose hope at this point.
Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
#39People are overrated. Enjoy yourself,it's all there.
Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
#40True friendship comes mostly from shared struggle. Think sports teams, military, small teams at work, even childhood friends and the experience growing up. It is hard to establish anything meaningful of a connection with casual interactions, and expecting to just "party/play hard" with people you don't really know is putting the cart before the horse. First you must work hard together. I'd suggest joining a Crossfit…
For my sake, I picked up martial arts in college and would say that ~75% of my life long friends come from there. I have work-related friends, but there's a very clear difference between them and the people I've punched for years :D I definitely agree with the shared struggle aspect and add the activity should also have "moments of down time" where you're still "doing" the activity, but you're sort of at a point of w…
>simply ask some of the other people "what are you doing tonight?" after the class
Yes, and 1) in this context the stakes are lower, it's not some big planned event or party. And 2) You're not trying to meet people or start from 0 at a party amongst strangers; these are people you already know you're just out having a good time.