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Willingness to look stupid

danluu.com

711–720 of 811 posts

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#711

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I usually say, "please ask stupid questions, because if you don't then you'll run off in the wrong direction and work on the wrong thing for a week before the next review, and you'll have wasted a lot of project budget." Does it help? This sounds like they are expected not to waste time, so it might get even harder to ask a stupid question a minute too late, and especially to ask something tomorrow.

So far it completely depends on the person. But you’re right that it might not be the best technique. I understand the hesitancy to ask questions after a certain amount of time has passed. I work as a consultant and our time has to be billed to projects. The onboarding stinks, so the new hires often have no concept of billability/utilization nor project budgets. So I’m trying to drill in those concepts, too. One of t…

> The onboarding stinks, so the new hires often have no concept of billability/utilization nor project budgets.

As an aside, do you think there is a business opportunity in teaching companies better onboarding? Growing headcount seems like an afterthought most places, and it’s a colossal waste.

The worst example I’ve seen is one company hiring some very expensive onshore consultants to build the basic structure of the application and then quickly hand it off to cheap offshore ones.

What really happened is that the onshore guys created a horrendous mess of untested and undocumented code full of bugs that the offshore ones had no hope of making sense of. And being remote and from a culture of high power distance further exacerbated the problem. It certainly worked out well for the onshore guys who got to bleed the client out of a whole other year’s worth of expensive hours.

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#712
post #22

There's a bit of a disconnect between the the purported theme of this article, being okay looking stupid, and the actual contents, which is just a catalogue of times other people were stupid, posted on the internet so everyone knows the author is clever. Being willing to look stupid involves actually being able to deal with mistakes and failure, with actually _feeling_ stupid sometimes. Just listing a bunch of great…

But the article is specifically about looking stupid. The point being, as I understand it, that you should avoid being stupid but not looking stupid.

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#713

This has happened to me frequently at my current company. I get pulled into a meeting about something that I have no context on because it touches my area of expertise, and the discussions have apparently been stalling out. I brace myself to be the idiot. I'm going to waste everyone's time asking questions that everyone knows the answer to, and I just got looped in, so everyone's going to feel like they need to walk…

> you would think the sinking feeling I get before I brace myself to look stupid would go away

I can highly recommend reading, or listening to "Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman!". Asking "stupid" questions does not automatically make you intelligent, but it is a trait of highly intelligent people, exactly because of the reasons you describe.

We all know the story about how Newton asked why an apple fell to the ground, surely a lot of people would have thought you're a total idiot for asking that, and yet at the same time no-one would have been able to explain why.

The reason stupid questions are uncomfortable is that you're very likely to insinuate other people don't know the answer to a simple question, and we don't like making other people uncomfortable. Which is why you have to be humble when asking them.

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#714
post #566

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In my view, admitting that you "might have a stupid question" is not disingenuous, it's a form of self-depreciation that disarms people and relaxes the room. It's important to treat yourself with respect, but people also respect when you admit that you don't know something simple.

It's "self deprecation", depreciation is something different. I'm not sure what kind of audience you think it works on. I tend to get (particularly from people under 40) one of two inappropriate reactions to reflexive self deprecation - either exaggerated sympathy for my plight, or treating it as an exposed weakness to attack.

It's all about reading the room. If you're talking to a hostile crowd you're not going to expose weakness. I hope that most of these internal alignment meetings are not hostile, and are instead conducted with the intent to best deliver value to the business. In these instances, I have found comments like "I'm sorry to ask a basic question here..." work well to explain that I probably don't have as much domain experience as the others in the room; that I'm not trying to school them on their domain; and that I'm simply trying to gain understanding so that I can contribute.

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#715
post #620

This has happened to me frequently at my current company. I get pulled into a meeting about something that I have no context on because it touches my area of expertise, and the discussions have apparently been stalling out. I brace myself to be the idiot. I'm going to waste everyone's time asking questions that everyone knows the answer to, and I just got looped in, so everyone's going to feel like they need to walk…

A lesson I've learned over time is that it's incredibly common for people within a company to have very different mental models of what different terms mean - especially if they work in different teams or departments, but sometimes even people the same team. My favourite examples are things like "what is a user?" - the marketing department may be counting leads generated, engineers are thinking about records in a dat…

> "what is a user?"

I have spent far more time than should be necessary aligning on terms like "customer" and "user."

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#716
post #568
post #343

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes and it feels like the older I get the more I have to be the one that plays this role to ask these basic questions as younger professionals are fearful to look dumb in front of others

The fear of looking stupid is a profound motivator in many professions. If you want to understand why so many of the stories posted about people using this technique are of more senior folks or people with more authority (bosses, mentors, professors, etc), this is why. Being willing to potentially "look stupid" requires enormous self-confidence.

And it may very well be that consequences for looking stupid are worse when you are junior. So it could be a natural progression.

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#717
post #44

There's a beautiful illustration from Neal Stephenson's Cryptonomicon on this topic: === They gave him an intelligence test. The first question on the math part had to do with boats on a river: Port Smith is 100 miles upstream of Port Jones. The river flows at 5 miles per hour. The boat goes through water at 10 miles per hour. How long does it take to go from Port Smith to Port Jones? How long to come back? Lawrence…

The moral of the story is that Lawrence was an idiot for not properly understanding what answer the test administrators wanted him to give?

[deleted]

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#718
I consider this the to be the opposite -- smart people that ask questions straight away when they don't understand something is the opposite of looking stupid, and it's the first thing I ask new hires to do. I don't want employees that say "yes" but rather ask "why?", and I most definitely don't want employees to answer questions if they don't know what they mean to begin with just to save their face.

There's a difference between not saying anything and asking "What are you referring to right now specifically?", "What does DMA mean in the context of the server?" and "Sorry, I'm very experienced with X. How hard would you say is it to do Y with it compared to doing it with Z, which I have worked with in the past?".

Not only does it show that a person is listening, but it also improves the ability of everyone in the team to express and elaborate on details that are relevant to the topic being discussed.

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#719
post #566

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In my view, admitting that you "might have a stupid question" is not disingenuous, it's a form of self-depreciation that disarms people and relaxes the room. It's important to treat yourself with respect, but people also respect when you admit that you don't know something simple.

It's "self deprecation", depreciation is something different. I'm not sure what kind of audience you think it works on. I tend to get (particularly from people under 40) one of two inappropriate reactions to reflexive self deprecation - either exaggerated sympathy for my plight, or treating it as an exposed weakness to attack.

I think some of this might be cultural. For example, I think self-deprecation may be in general more widely appreciated in the UK than the US (though perhaps this is gradually changing).

I’m reminded of Arthur Dent (British) in the Hitchhiker’s Guide telling Zaphod, modestly, “oh, it was nothing” about something great he did, and Zaphod responding along the lines of “oh, it was nothing? In that case forget it then”, which was not at all what Arthur intended.

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#720

Earlier quoted context omitted.

We keep coming back around to why didn't the author say: "I want the one in the smallest box for " Instead of providing no reason and being smug in their assumption that they are both very clever and the barely over minimum wage employee assumes they are "stupid".

It's also funny that he didn't even put it in the post. I'm not sure it's because of length restrictions, since the post is 4,495 words long. Maybe he wanted to keep under 4,500. Also perplexing: footnote 2 mentions the car tire paradox. (Traction is determined by weight and coefficient of traction, and those two things only. So why do high performance cars have wider tires, which shouldn't make a difference? Because…

> now he has a trapped prior,[1] and any time someone says "CSS" to him he thinks, "ugh, that awful garbage which ruined my site" and refuses to touch it.

Do you know that's true? Are you extrapolating his mental activity from a limited set of facts?

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