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Willingness to look stupid

danluu.com

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Re: Willingness to look stupid

#111

Post by matwood »

josephg wrote: post #36

After a terrible breakup years ago I took a trapeze class. Before we got up on the trapeze bar, I spent most of the class telling everyone how bad I was going to be at it. When I got home I lay in bed confused. Why did I do that? This article is spot on. I was afraid of being seen to be bad at something. Have you noticed? We spend almost our entire adult lives doing things we’re good at. Anything we do that we’re bad…

Exactly! We should practice being a beginner for our entire lives. It's a constant reminder to have that beginner mindset even where you think you are an expert.

I took up Jiu-Jitsu at age 40. Talk about humbling. I also catch myself occasionally doing what you did and mention how terrible I am/will be as a defensive mechanism.

But, the more comfortable I got at being a beginner led to even faster learning. This attitude has spread through other parts of my life, even areas where I'm not a beginner, and has led to improvement across the board.

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#112

Post by Ensorceled »

MrQuincle wrote: post #98
Ensorceled wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have to say, this example did make me switch my view of the author from some one who wasn't afraid to ask the "stupid" questions to being either a deliberately "just asking questions" asshole who likes to fuck with people or, to be more charitable, someone with a bit of a spectrum disorder.

I think it's better to be a bit more charitable here indeed. I also found it striking how the post is emphasizing how important transparency in asking questions is which might or might not reveal the intelectual qualities of the person asking, but then failing to be that transparent towards both the clerk and the reader of the blog post about the internal thought process. If one would like people to learn, enlighten…

I have encountered both, I'm sort of leaning towards being charitable since the "just asking questions" crowd tends not to write articles about their behaviour!

That lack of transparency seems to be a theme. I have difficulty with blood draws as well and I have never encountered a health care professional that didn't immediately switch to "ok, which arm is usually best" mode.

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#113

Post by dade_ »

rmetzler wrote: post #32
sillysaurusx wrote: post #2

> Going into an Apple store and asking for (and buying) the computer that comes in the smallest box, which I had a good reason to want at the time > The person who helped me, despite being very polite, also clearly thought I was a bozo and kept explaining things like "the size of the box and the size of the computer aren't the same". Of course I knew that, but I didn't want to say something like "I design CPUs. I und…

I think that this is unfair to the poor Apple Store employee. There is no reason to not state the motivation, why you ask for the smallest box. Other than that, I also try to employ the naive question and to some people these might sound stupid. But they are really useful because they can clear up lots of implicit implications and misunderstandings.

Did the Apple store employee ask why he wanted a computer that comes in the smallest box, or did he just assume the customer is stupid or ignorant? He doesn’t say either way, but most people will make an assumption instead of asking. The downside to this approach in retail is that it invites a long story…

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#114

Post by yetihehe »

karol wrote: post #62

This is terrible advice, I would call it a lack of willingness to communicate openly. Also even if you are in the highest echelons of intelligence making yourself look stupid will close access to some opportunities that might propel you forward. Also, over time this behaviour might form a habit that will also influence your personal life.

> Also even if you are in the highest echelons of intelligence making yourself look stupid will close access to some opportunities that might propel you forward.

But maybe we should educate our society so that this isn't the case anymore? I know this sounds unattainable, but we should still try to make such outcomes invalid.

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#115

Post by zabzonk »

sillysaurusx wrote: post #2

> Going into an Apple store and asking for (and buying) the computer that comes in the smallest box, which I had a good reason to want at the time > The person who helped me, despite being very polite, also clearly thought I was a bozo and kept explaining things like "the size of the box and the size of the computer aren't the same". Of course I knew that, but I didn't want to say something like "I design CPUs. I und…

Also needs to state what he means by "smallest". Volume? Width? Height?

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#117

Post by sam_goody »

josephg wrote: post #36

After a terrible breakup years ago I took a trapeze class. Before we got up on the trapeze bar, I spent most of the class telling everyone how bad I was going to be at it. When I got home I lay in bed confused. Why did I do that? This article is spot on. I was afraid of being seen to be bad at something. Have you noticed? We spend almost our entire adult lives doing things we’re good at. Anything we do that we’re bad…

There is a pretty well known speaker who wrote about his first public speech. He was to record himself, and it would listened to by some 5,000 people. He spent hours and hours re-recording himself, until a older friend stopped by and laughed at him, as follows:

"You are being nervous because you think that you might not be perfect, and doubt creates a feeling of nervousness and unsurety.

Well, I can dispel the doubt. You won't be perfect. In fact, you will be pretty lousy, because it is your first time, and it it is in front of a relatively large crowd.

So two pieces of good news. You needn't be nervous. And its not so bad that it will go lousy. Because everyone knows it is your first time, anyway, and they are expecting you to mess up. And this way, in the future, you will actually be great!"

A lot of wisdom there, IMHO

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#118

Post by krumbie »

I've experienced it many times how intimidating it can be to ask about things in a new workplace that seem to be commonplace there. Especially in the US, where abbreviations are used for a ridiculous number of things. You just can't break through this barrier if you don't ask what people mean, and it gets worse over time if you avoid it for fear of seeming dumb.

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#119

Post by max_ »

terabytest wrote: post #27

I guess the "stupid question" I'd ask of this article is: why don't you reveal your goals or thought process when challenged after asking a question that might be perceived as stupid? Take the Apple Store example: why not explain the reason why you were asking for a product by the size of its box when they responded by saying that size of the box does not map to size of the product? Being open about your goal would'v…

>why don't you reveal your goals or thought process when challenged after asking a question that might be perceived as stupid?

People are shallow and often don't spend a lot of time trying to understand other people.

You won't always have the luxury to explain yourself.

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#120

Post by yetihehe »

programmer_dude wrote: post #56

Wow, this describes me to a T. The only difference being, you (Dan Luu) are much smarter than me. The other day I got confused by a decimal separator on Hacker News and posted a comment saying so. I am pretty sure some people assumed I was stupid. Perhaps they did not want to put in the effort required to understand why some one might get confused in the given situation. I will admit sometimes I fall into this trap t…

> The other day I got confused by a decimal separator on Hacker News and posted a comment saying so. I am pretty sure some people assumed I was stupid. Perhaps they did not want to put in the effort required to understand why some one might get confused in the given situation.

When you try to post low-level questions on a high-level forum (no matter what trade it is), you will get negative responses, because you dilute the topic. It's like having speed bump in fast lane.

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