Reminds me of Otto: https://overcast.fm/+U0D9gsAl8
A stranger secretly lived in my home
181–190 of 199 posts
Re: A stranger secretly lived in my home
#182Earlier quoted context omitted.
That's so compassionate of you. I don't know that I would think of doing that.
Well, if you take into consideration how crappy the locks are on those old cars then maybe I had a very cheap security guard ;) He really was a nice old man and super embarrassed about the whole thing. The funniest bit about this is how I discovered he did this, one day I got up too early thinking I was late, rushed out and drove off without my usual morning routine and when I heard a voice behind me asking if he cou…
Maybe it's the pandemic heightening my senses, but it's strange to me that you wouldn't notice the smell. I can immediately tell if someone new has been in an unventilated room for, oh say a few hours afterward. There's no way I wouldn't notice someone sleeping in my car overnight, unless they went out of their way to air it out.
Re: A stranger secretly lived in my home
#183Earlier quoted context omitted.
Not if he's determined to be an aggressor in the eyes of law enforcement in the (at least, US) jurisdiction.
In this case noone is claiming abuse, there is no aggression. She merely stated she was feeling unsafe. We don't live in minority report, so he's not an aggressor.
We don't live in minority report, so he's not an aggressor.
Surely what you've got here is evidence that we do live in minority report.
(We don't, but I guess what I'm suggesting is that you're stating something in flat contradiction of the facts presented above; if this event happening means "we are living in minority report", well then, here we are living in minority report)
Re: A stranger secretly lived in my home
#184Earlier quoted context omitted.
So you think if the woman owned the house and the man told the police he "felt unsafe" they would throw the woman out of her house? Domestic abuse has been ignored for too long and I'm glad women are being listened to. Men are still rarely listened to. Look at Johnny Depp for one. The police / legal system is biased against men, from "always believe her" to "she gets to live with the kids and his expenses" to "you we…
So you think if the woman owned the house and the man told the police he "felt unsafe" they would throw the woman out of her house? No, I don't. Which is why I said "I suspect the man would draw the short straw regardless of the ownership situation." But I think domestic violence initiated by men is a bigger societal issue than women lying their way to the life they want.
>But I think domestic violence initiated by men is a bigger societal issue than women lying their way to the life they want.
I'm trying to understand the reasoning behind this statement. Are you saying that men should receive unequal treatment from police in these matters?
Re: A stranger secretly lived in my home
#185Earlier quoted context omitted.
> The pendulum needed to swing toward protecting women by default He owned the house. If she felt in danger, the cops should come and escort her out of the house that doesn't belong to her. I don't see how your story is related to this.
I’m not a lawyer, but in my state there is a legal concept of your place of residence which entitles you to certain eviction protections, regardless of ownership or lack thereof of that place.
And yet, a resident was summarily evicted and forced to live in a tent.
Re: A stranger secretly lived in my home
#186Earlier quoted context omitted.
He should be downvoted. The fact that most rapists are people you know is related to the fact that most people you encounter are people you know. It does not mean that one individual person who you know is more likely to be a rapist than one individual person who you don't. More people have died of the flu than obscure cancer X, but you could not logically conclude that catching the flu is more likely to kill you tha…
Breaking down that 90%, 24% is from family, 23% is romantic partners, and 44% falls into the “other people I know category” which seems to be the one you are nitpicking could include stalkers and mafia bosses. Be that as it may, total strangers account for just 9% of cases, yet the “beware of strangers, they may rape you” seems more aptly applied to lovers and family (50% of cases).
No, you don't understand. That's only the second half of the objection.
The first half of the objection is that "most rapists are people you know" just does not imply that a person you know is more dangerous than a stranger. It implies that the entire class of "people you know" causes more rapes than the entire class of strangers you have substantial contact with, but it doesn't imply that a single person from the first class is more dangerous than a single person from the second class, because the classes are of different sizes.
I'm pretty sure that more people are killed by slipping in the bathtub than by falling into a volcano. You should not conclude that falling into a volcano is safer than slipping in a bathtub, because people encounter bathtubs a lot more and you have not corrected your figures for frequency of encounters.
Re: A stranger secretly lived in my home
#187Earlier quoted context omitted.
At one company I worked for, a new hire started living on a floor under construction in the building. He thought no one knew, but we all did. Stayed up there for months since management was afraid of confronting him about it for some reason. He did do good work, I guess.
For months, every day?
Yep, for months it was where he lived. People suspected something odd when they saw him long after he'd "gone home for the day." Someone eventually went up to the floor under renovation (it was bare concrete and steel) and found his stuff. No one ever said anything to him that I'm aware of, but everyone (in our division anyway) knew he was up there.
He eventually got an apartment, and I ran into him in that neighborhood so we knew he was really out. I'm not sure what his situation was, we were all quite well paid by local standards.
Re: A stranger secretly lived in my home
#188Earlier quoted context omitted.
Breaking down that 90%, 24% is from family, 23% is romantic partners, and 44% falls into the “other people I know category” which seems to be the one you are nitpicking could include stalkers and mafia bosses. Be that as it may, total strangers account for just 9% of cases, yet the “beware of strangers, they may rape you” seems more aptly applied to lovers and family (50% of cases).
No, you don't understand. That's only the second half of the objection. The first half of the objection is that "most rapists are people you know" just does not imply that a person you know is more dangerous than a stranger. It implies that the entire class of "people you know" causes more rapes than the entire class of strangers you have substantial contact with, but it doesn't imply that a single person from the fi…
The lopsided nature of the numbers is not an accident. That half of all sexual assaults and rapes occur at the hands of intimate partners and family is reflective of the nature of these crimes -- usually they are perpetrated when the assailant has isolated his victim, many times starting from a place of trust.
The point of noting that 90% figure is not so you can come up with some sort of Bayesian probability of your getting assaulted based on population level statistics. It's to shift the narrative of the nature of sexual assault and rape to something more reflective of the reality of these crimes in practice.
You even see it here in this thread, the idea that homeless people are lurking in the street ready to rape and assault you if you make the mistake of offering them kindness. But that's not how 90%+ of these crimes actually happen in practice, so why should our first response to the homeless be one of profound distrust?
> I'm pretty sure that more people are killed by slipping in the bathtub than by falling into a volcano. You should not conclude that falling into a volcano is safer than slipping in a bathtub, because people encounter bathtubs a lot more and you have not corrected your figures for frequency of encounters.
Again, it's not just about the frequency of encounters, it's about the nature of them. On any given day I encounter more strangers than I do friends and family. But my interactions with strangers are not conducive to the crimes of rape and sexual assault. Friends, family, and acquaintances work to gain your trust before they violate it. If we really want to get into it, then the thing to watch out for is not stranger versus familiar status of a person, but whether they direct certain manipulative behaviors toward you.
Re: A stranger secretly lived in my home
#189Earlier quoted context omitted.
No, you don't understand. That's only the second half of the objection. The first half of the objection is that "most rapists are people you know" just does not imply that a person you know is more dangerous than a stranger. It implies that the entire class of "people you know" causes more rapes than the entire class of strangers you have substantial contact with, but it doesn't imply that a single person from the fi…
The lopsided nature of the numbers is not an accident. That half of all sexual assaults and rapes occur at the hands of intimate partners and family is reflective of the nature of these crimes -- usually they are perpetrated when the assailant has isolated his victim, many times starting from a place of trust. The point of noting that 90% figure is not so you can come up with some sort of Bayesian probability of your…
>The point of noting that 90% figure is not so you can come up with some sort of Bayesian probability of your getting assaulted based on population level statistics.
It's quite common that people have a point when they are presenting statistics, but they have made this point in error. Statistics aren't something you're only supposed to use for the one conclusion someone wants you to draw from them.
>Again, it's not just about the frequency of encounters, it's about the nature of them. On any given day I encounter more strangers than I do friends and family.
You have fewer man-hours of encounters with strangers than you do with people you know, even if the absolute number of the strangers is higher. (And you shouldn't be invoking "friends and family", since that isn't the same as "people you know".)
Re: A stranger secretly lived in my home
#190Earlier quoted context omitted.
The lopsided nature of the numbers is not an accident. That half of all sexual assaults and rapes occur at the hands of intimate partners and family is reflective of the nature of these crimes -- usually they are perpetrated when the assailant has isolated his victim, many times starting from a place of trust. The point of noting that 90% figure is not so you can come up with some sort of Bayesian probability of your…
>The point of noting that 90% figure is not so you can come up with some sort of Bayesian probability of your getting assaulted based on population level statistics. It's quite common that people have a point when they are presenting statistics, but they have made this point in error. Statistics aren't something you're only supposed to use for the one conclusion someone wants you to draw from them. >Again, it's not j…
> It's quite common that people have a point when they are presenting statistics, but they have made this point in error.
I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you're getting at.
> You have fewer man-hours of encounters with strangers than you do with people you know
You can only speak for yourself, this is not true for everybody.