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The goal of standards is to improve our future actions

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Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions

#31

Post by MauranKilom »

tellersid wrote: post #20

Not me. To me, what this article is describing is just poor mental health. On the other hand, I grew up in a nice middle class family but a family that was basically trivial to do better than. Maybe things would be different if I had a chip on my shoulder from growing up dirt poor or a chip on my shoulder from an ultra successful parent that is almost impossible to live up to.

> Maybe things would be different if I had a chip on my shoulder from growing up dirt poor or a chip on my shoulder from an ultra successful parent that is almost impossible to live up to.

Neither of these are necessary conditions for poor mental health and/or having high standards for yourself (i.e. being in the target audience of the article). But they can of course have a significant impact.

Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions

#32

Post by redis_mlc »

timmg wrote: post #26

When I was an awkward high school student trying to meet girls, I had a friend with more experience. His advice to me was, "When all else fails, lower your standards." I just find that so amusing in retrospect.

Your friend was a smart guy - you should hang out with him more.

Today, there's an epidemic of women 30 - 40 who will die alone because they don't want to "settle" or "be less than."

This is a mathematical certainty because female hypergamy focuses on the top 10% of men, and there's not enough to go around, creating harems (polyginy.)

Yes, you would be right if you think that means the end of Western Civilization.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygyny

Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions

#34

Post by WaitWaitWha »

I do not believe the problem is "standards are too high". It is more about unable to mentally cope with failure properly.

Maybe it also has something to do with the author's world view, where they are who they supposed to be versus who they think they are.

Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions

#36

Post by sokoloff »

sharkjacobs wrote: post #24
MauranKilom wrote: post #11

A few years ago, I made a new year's resolution to be more forgiving to myself. At the time, I would feel miserable at the end of the day for, say, not doing laundry even though I had resolved to do so. I would downright hate myself for not getting this simple task done despite having had the time. So, that year, whenever I would have such a thought, I'd tell myself that I forgive my past self. "It's ok!" And it has…

When I punish myself I find I shrink or cringe away from the subject of concern, rather than motivated to engage with it Depression is the greatest enemy of doing anything, feeling bad is basically always a net negative on productivity

I identify strongly with this. I’m overall functional, even reasonably successful, in work. But in work and even more strongly in personal matters, I can shrink away from unpleasant items well past the point of it being reasonable.

I’ve literally wasted dozens of hours avoiding a task that ends up taking 15 minutes. Could be a phone call, dealing with some minor tax or DMV issue, writing a simple but important email, or whatever. Often paperwork or tedious phone call related, but it’s clearly not productive behavior.

Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions

#37

Post by fswwi »

tellersid wrote: post #20

Not me. To me, what this article is describing is just poor mental health. On the other hand, I grew up in a nice middle class family but a family that was basically trivial to do better than. Maybe things would be different if I had a chip on my shoulder from growing up dirt poor or a chip on my shoulder from an ultra successful parent that is almost impossible to live up to.

> poor mental health

This. And you can't change it simply by convincing yourself that your thoughts are irrational.

Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions

#38

Post by Aeolun »

WaitWaitWha wrote: post #34

I do not believe the problem is "standards are too high". It is more about unable to mentally cope with failure properly. Maybe it also has something to do with the author's world view, where they are who they supposed to be versus who they think they are.

That depends. If your standards weren’t too high you might be able to call it success instead of failure.

Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions

#40

Post by xyzelement »

The blogger is a recent grad (hence his example of reflecting how he did on an exam) but the idea he pointed out is universal - some expectation that "what I am doing should feel easy, and if it doesn't then there's something wrong."

I can relate to that feeling but it's also something that is an important (positive!) clue in our work. Speaking plainly: if you're in a place where everything you're doing feels easy, then you're living well bellow your potential.

If everything is easy, it means you're only doing things you know how to do already, which means you're not stretching and growing. When you are feeling a little bit like "I am struggling and borderline failing" - then you know you're pushing, growing and learning.

The important thing is to go through it a few times, so that you recognize that feeling and interpret it as "growing pains" rather than "impending doom"

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