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The goal of standards is to improve our future actions

neelnanda.io

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Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions

#11

Post by MauranKilom »

A few years ago, I made a new year's resolution to be more forgiving to myself. At the time, I would feel miserable at the end of the day for, say, not doing laundry even though I had resolved to do so. I would downright hate myself for not getting this simple task done despite having had the time.

So, that year, whenever I would have such a thought, I'd tell myself that I forgive my past self. "It's ok!"

And it has been extremely effective! I don't think I procrastinate less (or more) on laundry nowadays, but I can't remember the last time I went to bed feeling terrible about myself. It almost feels absurd to me now to think about, but it's actually been life-changing. And it required no money, no explicit commitment, no lifestyle changes, no time taken out of every day. Just a small but persistent voice objecting to the self-loathing.

Downsides might include being overall more apathetic and possibly less motivated - but that might also be an illusion. I don't know, it's hard to compare to beforehand, and I don't think terrorizing yourself is particularly effective in the first place. But even if I had to choose, I would definitely pick "slightly less productive" over "self-hatred".

People say to love/respect yourself. Not hating yourself is a pretty foundational step in that :)

Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions

#14

Post by SCUSKU »

Lots of hate on the font, italics, and writing style. I for one really enjoyed and related to this post. This post does a great job of capturing and elaborating on and providing actionable advice for people who probably tend to beat themselves up when they don't achieve what they expected. I struggle with setting my expectations of myself too high, failing, and then feeling dumb, lazy, etc. So thank you Neel for writing this up and sharing.

Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions

#15

Post by H8crilA »

nine_k wrote: post #6

The gist: «And the crux of it is the word could have, the standards we hold ourselves to. This mix of guilt, insecurity and unrealistic standards is a major loss of productivity, and a major source of unhappiness.» Embrace imperfection, because perfection is unattainable anyway.

Ahh, the obsession with Productivity. Productivity is only required if it is required.

This reminds me of Little Prince meeting The Inventor, who tells him that he invented pills that completely eliminate the need for drinking. The Inventor is happy about saving up to 20 minutes of a person's life with their product. The Prince just thinks to themselves - "weird, if I had an extra 20 minutes I would happily stroll towards a well, then drink very slowly".

What's wrong with being unproductive some of the time, or most of the time? I usually enjoy it a great deal.

Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions

#16

Post by personjerry »

If you suffer from this kind of perfectionism and find it affects your productivity (i.e. in the form of procrastination) I highly recommend reading The Now Habit by Neil Fiore. It's helped me to not only be more productive, but also to feel less guilty and more confident about myself no matter how much I actually get done.

Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions

#17

Post by mpalmer »

singingboyo wrote: post #8

Sorry, but the font and vaguely bolding are very, very off-putting. Especially when all but the last letter are bolded, or you have a link that includes the space after it, things start feeling wrong, somehow. What I did read also had a lot of rambling. That's not necessarily a bad thing in general, as it's a valid style and probably easier to get out there than trying to compress and perfect, but I'm not sure it's g…

I don't know if it was very, very off-putting, but I agree that the length of the piece together with the bolding made it harder to engage with the ideas.

If the author is open to advice, mine would be this:

1. Consider your audience

How might an audience of knowledgeable adults read into a piece that visually emphasizes every idea or phrase the author has decided is important?

Might they feel that the piece is condescending to them? It's possible, and that is indeed how I felt reading the piece.

2. You have a lot of tools to emphasize important ideas. Don't use them all.

Throughout the piece there is a lot of bolding, a lot of italics, and several ideas. Where each distinct clause is a sentence. Where each clause modifies the first subject.

Pick one of these. Maybe two. But don't do everything, or the impact is lessened.

3. Edit yourself mercilessly

Honestly, you're already on the way to editing this down - the important parts are bolded. Cut around them and see how much you can actually afford to lose.

Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions

#18

Post by andai »

singingboyo wrote: post #8

Sorry, but the font and vaguely bolding are very, very off-putting. Especially when all but the last letter are bolded, or you have a link that includes the space after it, things start feeling wrong, somehow. What I did read also had a lot of rambling. That's not necessarily a bad thing in general, as it's a valid style and probably easier to get out there than trying to compress and perfect, but I'm not sure it's g…

Your standards are too high.

Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions

#19

Post by afarrell »

> At this point in this conversation, some part of me starts to feel concerned about complacency. I know that my standards are unrealistic. But they also serve as a big part of my motivation system. And I feel concerned that if I just removed them, that I'd be complacent, and never do anything. And that feels terrifying.

This past year, I’ve noticed in myself a tendency to assume I am naturally unmotivated and need some source of fear, pressure, or extrinsic motivation to get work done.

I’ve also been reading about Taylorism and realized how unhealthy that is. Since realizing it, I have started to work on trusting myself more.

Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions

#20

Post by tellersid »

Not me. To me, what this article is describing is just poor mental health.

On the other hand, I grew up in a nice middle class family but a family that was basically trivial to do better than.

Maybe things would be different if I had a chip on my shoulder from growing up dirt poor or a chip on my shoulder from an ultra successful parent that is almost impossible to live up to.

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