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The art of not taking things personally

medium.dave-bailey.com

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Re: The art of not taking things personally

#151

Post by runiq »

V-2 wrote: post #141
zwkrt wrote: post #3

As I get older, the less I identify as my current state and the more I identify with the person who transitions through states. My change in perspective has reduced my anxieties and anger significantly. "This too shall pass" and all that. The more of my self image is focused on superficial things, the more I will take things personally. What we are angry about tends to be a reflection of ourselves more than the curre…

"As I get older, the less I identify as my current state and the more I identify with the person who transitions through states." This sounds neat, but once you set the states aside - what's left? :) Who's that person? Our identity is a sum of these states. The rest (navigating through states) is an illusion. Just like movement in a video is an illusion created by consecutive frames. The sense of continuity is a magi…

> This sounds neat, but once you set the states aside - what's left? :)

For every graph with nodes, there is a corresponding line graph without nodes :) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Line_graph#Example

Re: The art of not taking things personally

#152

Post by [deleted] »

PaulDavisThe1st wrote: post #108
justinpombrio wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Very few things bother me, and very few things excite me. In my view, this is perfectly natural. Your emotions are tied to your expectations. As you grow older, you have seen more things, and better know what to expect. The first time you drop your ice cream cone on the ground as a child, you learn that a delicious treat can be destroyed so easily! When you drop your ice cream cone on the ground as an adult, it's l…

Some people, however [0] deliberately try to search out more noteworthy events to counter this temporal trend. [0] this is not a reference to real persons, living or dead and any similarity to my wife is purely coincidental.

[deleted]

Re: The art of not taking things personally

#153

Post by thegrimmest »

courtf wrote: post #11

Counterpoint: enlightenment is overrated and life is meant to be taken personally. In some senses, it is a bit cowardly to run away from the current moment we live in by stepping back and viewing the big picture too often. "Negative" emotions and experiences are valid parts of life. Anger, anxiety, fear etc are all part of being a human being and have evolved over billions of years to reach their current forms. We ma…

I would say that the most human experience is one that shares the least with our animal relatives. It is therefore one that maximises the uniquely human aspects of our neurobiology - our ability to reason, introspect and construct detailed mental models. Emotions are just primate social impulses. There's nothing particularly human about them.

Re: The art of not taking things personally

#154

Post by TameAntelope »

sethammons wrote: post #148
TameAntelope wrote: post #99

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Autonomy for an employee who makes bad decisions when left alone is hard to provide, for example.

That's part of being a senior, leader, and/or manager. Their need doesn't go away. You work with the employee around how much of any of the following are appropriate: choice freedom, independence, space, and/or spontaneity. You help them grow. If the need can't be met because of mental issues, that is different.

Their need is not in alignment with the company’s needs, and often yes it does seem to be a mental issue, some unfilled need elsewhere leaking into their professional life.

Should I actively make decisions that increase the chance of the entire company failing, if it helps one individual feel more ownership? I will not do that.

Re: The art of not taking things personally

#155

Post by jackbravo »

d--b wrote: post #124

> Selfnesslessness is often driven by guilt Ugh, this is an article that tries to explain all human problems from basic formulae. While it may be interesting to know that in some cases, a variant of this may cause a variant of that, in the real world, don’t apply these blindly. There is nothing more irritating than someone telling you: “oh you’re so selfless, what do you feel guilty about?”

It does say that this applies if they are damaging themselves by being selfless. If you only read the titles you may be missing some nice and nuanced commentary there.

Re: The art of not taking things personally

#157

Post by weaksauce »

nefitty wrote: post #93
weaksauce wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

you sure that's not a depressive episode worth talking to your doctor about? depression isn't just the stereotypical dread and angst that the movies typically display. it's more of a nothing tastes great anymore, I'm apathetic toward life, nothing excites me, etc.

I'm going through this now, and feel embarrassed or ashamed that it might be depression. The phrase "Nothing feels good" is so apt, it keeps running through my head. I don't feel sad, I just feel like everything is meaningless, everything is empty. The only intense emotion that grips me now is anxiety about death, which I had managed to handle for a long time now. I just post this into the void to avoid burdening my…

Nothing to be embarrassed about... it's just your brain chemistry not being quite right. an illness like any other. perhaps it's a good idea to talk to your doctor or mental health professional about it?

Re: The art of not taking things personally

#158

Post by exo-pla-net »

smackeyacky wrote: post #119
ogre_magi wrote: post #94

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The entire article is about empathizing with others...

Its more a guide for pandering to the narcicissts who infect our lives and make us miserable. If you find yourself having to perform these rituals in the workspace, stop yourself. When dealing with emotionally damaged people who never made it to fully functional adult, speak to them in a monotone and don't engage with the emotional manipulation they are attempting. This will confuse them, then enrage them, then final…

Do not empathize with people who are damaged or unsophisticated! Instead, enrage them. Exploit their weakness to break them and bend them to your will.

-Jesus

Re: The art of not taking things personally

#160

Post by zz865 »

nemo44x wrote: post #89
zz865 wrote: post #64

The problem I'm getting as I get older I'm starting to overshoot and not care about anyone's opinions, turning into a grumpy old man who doesnt care any more. :)

I think that’s normal. You eventually get enough experience you can’t be bullshitted much anymore and bullshit is everywhere it turns out.

> bullshit is everywhere it turns out

First true thing I've seen online in months. :)

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