Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

The art of not taking things personally

medium.dave-bailey.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

131–140 of 177 posts

Re: The art of not taking things personally

#131

Post by mettamage »

hnarn wrote: post #129

Nothing trains you to not take things personally like being put through the ringer of modern day online dating. Forcing myself to deal with rejection hasn't been a very pleasant experience, but I'm absolutely sure I've improved because of it. As soon as you can truly and honestly accept that in the vast majority of cases, you do not have the power to change people's perception or attraction to you, it's not only libe…

Back when I was dating (5 years ago) it was also a humbling experience. It does seem to be the case that online dating is a lot tougher.

Then again, I’m old fashioned.

Re: The art of not taking things personally

#132

Post by hnarn »

mettamage wrote: post #131
hnarn wrote: post #129

Nothing trains you to not take things personally like being put through the ringer of modern day online dating. Forcing myself to deal with rejection hasn't been a very pleasant experience, but I'm absolutely sure I've improved because of it. As soon as you can truly and honestly accept that in the vast majority of cases, you do not have the power to change people's perception or attraction to you, it's not only libe…

Back when I was dating (5 years ago) it was also a humbling experience. It does seem to be the case that online dating is a lot tougher. Then again, I’m old fashioned.

I'm sure they're both humbling, it's just that I believe the massive difference in selection between men and women is exacerbated by the online experience. There are benefits and downsides to them both, I think.

Re: The art of not taking things personally

#133

Post by pqs »

sammalloy wrote: post #53
courtf wrote: post #11

Counterpoint: enlightenment is overrated and life is meant to be taken personally. In some senses, it is a bit cowardly to run away from the current moment we live in by stepping back and viewing the big picture too often. "Negative" emotions and experiences are valid parts of life. Anger, anxiety, fear etc are all part of being a human being and have evolved over billions of years to reach their current forms. We ma…

> no one is actually the Buddha I'm an atheist, but I've studied this, and I think this is a matter of major disagreement in the different schools. In the west, more contemporary (and often secular) teachers talk about how everyone is a potential Buddha. There are also close parallels with the more hippie, Christian schools that arose in the 1960s-1970s era (intentional communities) which also taught (quietly I might…

As a Catholic, I believe that the imitation of Christ is an obligation for every Christian. We should always aim to imitate Christ. This is a very old idea. The 15h-century book by Thomas à Kempis is an example: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Imitation_of_Christ

Re: The art of not taking things personally

#134

Post by OneTimePetes »

aomobile wrote: post #128
zwkrt wrote: post #3

As I get older, the less I identify as my current state and the more I identify with the person who transitions through states. My change in perspective has reduced my anxieties and anger significantly. "This too shall pass" and all that. The more of my self image is focused on superficial things, the more I will take things personally. What we are angry about tends to be a reflection of ourselves more than the curre…

I think the homeless don’t scare people necessarily because they are a what-might-be but rather because of being a what-is. In the us you might get a bad conscience if you see a homeless person but hey at least your salary is good. In Europe we pay so many taxes that it feels a bit different.

In europe i feel anger on the state whos employees failed to rectify a situation i paid and worked hard so nobody has to experience it.

Re: The art of not taking things personally

#135

Post by elevenoh »

TeMPOraL wrote: post #122
justinpombrio wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Very few things bother me, and very few things excite me. In my view, this is perfectly natural. Your emotions are tied to your expectations. As you grow older, you have seen more things, and better know what to expect. The first time you drop your ice cream cone on the ground as a child, you learn that a delicious treat can be destroyed so easily! When you drop your ice cream cone on the ground as an adult, it's l…

I'd also say that emotional amplitude might be inversely correlated with wealth. Considering your ice cream example: as a young adult, were I to drop my cone, I'd be distraught, because I've just lost the one little pleasure I so desired, and there's no money in the budget for replacement this week. Today, I'd just shrug and buy a new one. This applies to almost every other situation in life too. If you have a cash r…

True to an underrecognized degree. It's a huge component of wisdom. And wisdom - which we might define as consistently well applied knowledge - is pretty ~= capacity for wealth.

More important in this day & age where big tech preys on attention in such a way that default increases emotional volatility.

Re: The art of not taking things personally

#136

Post by dragonwriter »

sammalloy wrote: post #53
courtf wrote: post #11

Counterpoint: enlightenment is overrated and life is meant to be taken personally. In some senses, it is a bit cowardly to run away from the current moment we live in by stepping back and viewing the big picture too often. "Negative" emotions and experiences are valid parts of life. Anger, anxiety, fear etc are all part of being a human being and have evolved over billions of years to reach their current forms. We ma…

> no one is actually the Buddha I'm an atheist, but I've studied this, and I think this is a matter of major disagreement in the different schools. In the west, more contemporary (and often secular) teachers talk about how everyone is a potential Buddha. There are also close parallels with the more hippie, Christian schools that arose in the 1960s-1970s era (intentional communities) which also taught (quietly I might…

> The heretical version states the opposite. These adherents believe that Christ and Buddha (assuming for the sake of this argument that they are real, historical figures) did not teach so that they could be worshipped, they taught so that others could become like them.

That view is orthodox in mainstream Christianity (Catholic, Protestant, Eastern Orthodox, and Oriental Orthodox), not heretical; its a central part of the mainstream understanding of the purpose of the incarnation; that Christ is, above all, a model.

Re: The art of not taking things personally

#137

Post by Lio »

hnarn wrote: post #129

Nothing trains you to not take things personally like being put through the ringer of modern day online dating. Forcing myself to deal with rejection hasn't been a very pleasant experience, but I'm absolutely sure I've improved because of it. As soon as you can truly and honestly accept that in the vast majority of cases, you do not have the power to change people's perception or attraction to you, it's not only libe…

> Nothing trains you to not take things personally like being put through the ringer of modern day online dating.

Back in the day this was worse believe me. At least you're not approaching a random stranger and their friends in a public place and then getting shot down in front of all of them.

In online dating their is at least the chance that the person you approach is looking for a relationship with someone. That wasn't always the case back in the good ol' days.

The conclusions are the same though. It's not personal, even when it is.

Your personal worth is not predicated on what others think of you and weirdly once you know that you notice more people that do value you.

Re: The art of not taking things personally

#139

Post by icelancer »

magicroot75 wrote: post #138

I take criticism extremely personally, because I have such a internally critical view of everything that I do. I become extraordinarily hurt when someone rightly corrects me at work. Anyone have helpful tips on this?

Therapy, honestly. I can tell you the truth [0] but it's nothing you haven't heard or thought already - finding a professional that can explain it to you in a way you can connect with is what matters.

[0]: Other peoples' unsolicited opinions are worth very little the overwhelming majority of the time.

Post reply on HN