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My dead dad’s journal

seanblanda.com

41–50 of 101 posts

Re: My dead dad’s journal

#41

Especially powerful for me was > My dad didn’t have a tidy ending. I won’t. And neither will you. Our lives will not be a slow positive upward slope before we die in our sleep surrounded by our loved ones.

Not exactly the same, but that quote reminded me of quote from the Donnie Darko movie: “everyone dies alone” [0]. I believe this is very much true.

——

[0]: https://youtu.be/8j1IMBM-QyE

Re: My dead dad’s journal

#42

I have been writing a journal on-and-off for more than 5 years already. My purpose is similar, which is to only have it available to my loved ones after I die. I am hoping that whatever lessons I couldn't impart to them while I was alive, they could get from my writings. I've also revealed to them that my journal exists so that they would know what to do when the time comes. My journal is digital and it's spread acro…

Perhaps it is worth [[sharing|https://philosopher.life/#Sharing]] with them now rather than later. I am [[grateful|https://philosopher.life/#Gratitude]] that I have the opportunity. You might even keep a public side and private one separately.

Re: My dead dad’s journal

#43

> An addict who was self-aware, and still couldn’t pull himself out from the abyss. My experience with addicts is that they are often self aware. Their appearance and circumstance might suggest otherwise. It's very easy to relegate these people to some category of cognitive failure. Unfortunately it seems to me that addiction tends to defeat good cognition, awareness, intention, all the rest of the apparent defences…

> Unfortunately it seems to me that addiction tends to defeat good cognition, awareness, intention, all the rest of the apparent defences – it isn't a disease of stupidity or inferiority. Sadly this is true for so many things -- depression, ADHD, extreme anxiety. And yet for the most part, society does not understand. Instead, people aren't trying hard enough, or they're not letting things make them happy, or they're…

>Addiction tends to defeat cognition, awareness...

>Unfortunately society does not understand..

Both statements are misleading. The issue is not what the addict or society understands.

Anyone can understand how chess or baseball works, but to be a good player is another matter entirely.

Re: My dead dad’s journal

#44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Unfortunately it seems to me that addiction tends to defeat good cognition, awareness, intention, all the rest of the apparent defences In those who become addicted, sure. But that's a small minority. For most of us, something, whether it's good cognition, awareness, intention, or something else, apparently does defeat addiction.

I’m fairly sure this is a logical fallacy. Addiction is so prevalent among people who are far more intelligent, capable, and strong than I am. There’s nothing special about me other than a fortunate environment and genetics as far as I’m concerned. Pretty much every addict I’ve spoken to about their addiction and personal matters (not a small number) has had terrible experiences in life. It’s almost guaranteed. Weird…

I was a heroin addict from 16 years old through to my mid 20s. I had pretty rough childhood trauma, just to add to your own anecdotes. Crippling depression too.

I’m doing much better these days :) suboxone initially saved my life, then Buvidal injection made sure I’m here to stay.

Re: My dead dad’s journal

#45
post #41

Especially powerful for me was > My dad didn’t have a tidy ending. I won’t. And neither will you. Our lives will not be a slow positive upward slope before we die in our sleep surrounded by our loved ones.

Not exactly the same, but that quote reminded me of quote from the Donnie Darko movie: “everyone dies alone” [0]. I believe this is very much true. —— [0]: https://youtu.be/8j1IMBM-QyE

In a similar vein this Jason Isbell lyric always sticks with me

> There's one thing that's real clear to me: No one dies with dignity

Re: My dead dad’s journal

#47
This really moved me. My dad went through brain surgery last year and his four sons converged from around the country. We all barely speak to each other. A holographic will was produced, ten loose leaf pages in impossible handwriting, the last few pages written by him right before he went into surgery while his fourth wife held the pad and guided his hand with a pen. I wish we had conducted ourselves with grace, but two of my brothers are lawyers, so we're shouting at each other in his house while he's having a full craniotomy. Luckily he survived and is back somewhat in his faculties for now, and seems cognizant that he doesn't want to leave this strife behind between his wife and his kids. But this still made me choke up because there's not much anyone can do. I think about my dad's regrets and his father's and see them repeated in myself and my brothers. None of us knows what we're really doing, do we? We're all trying our best to pretend we have some control.

Re: My dead dad’s journal

#49
post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Such compassion isn't compatible with the capitalist ways that most of the Western world has adopted.

Opinion: It absolutely is. Compassion uplifts many of us who could otherwise be a burden on those around us. It helps the most productive avoid burn out. It spreads responsibility by enabling more people, and not relying solely on those who thrive with less support. Compassion is the long view as far as I can tell. We may come to believe there’s an incompatibility, but I don’t believe it’s innate within capitalism it…

I recently listened to a journalist discuss her work on corruption. She made this point: the prevalence of corruption rises in cultures that view monetary wealth as the only or primary mark of social status. She called it the Midas Disease as this pursuit is - at a certain point - meaningless (is another hundred million dollars when you already have 100 billion?), and yet - the effects of this pursuit have significant downstream effects on the fair application of justice, sustainable environmental policy, professional administration of governmental functions, etc.

Edit: Sarah Chayes

Re: My dead dad’s journal

#50
post #6

I do something similar to this for my kids, they each have an email address which I send some pictures and/or message to every day. On my passing they will get the details to access the accounts. I thought it was important to leave them something that they can reflect on, memories, thoughts, reasons, and an understanding of me in some ways and how they impacted on my life.

You might also enjoy FutureMe: https://www.futureme.org You can send emails 10 years into the future! :)

I have been using futureme for over a decade now. Highly recommend.
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