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My dead dad’s journal

seanblanda.com

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Re: My dead dad’s journal

#31

Post by 0xCMP »

HeyZuess wrote: post #17
dudul wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is a really cool idea, but an email account? That seems pretty unsafe to me. Accounts can be closed at random, the email provider can go under. I don't know, maybe it's not better but I think I would feel better with a flash drive or something physical (which I would backup and replace every so often).

Email is the lowest friction for me, I can send something from pretty much any device and it is easy to access for them in future. There have been a few comments on the long term accessibility of the account, like you mention. So I think it could be a good idea for me to look into doing a scheduled backup from gmail to a drive or other data storage option.

thankfully you should have copies of the emails in your account at least.

Re: My dead dad’s journal

#32

Post by [deleted] »

BurningFrog wrote: post #27
steve_adams_86 wrote: post #3

> An addict who was self-aware, and still couldn’t pull himself out from the abyss. My experience with addicts is that they are often self aware. Their appearance and circumstance might suggest otherwise. It's very easy to relegate these people to some category of cognitive failure. Unfortunately it seems to me that addiction tends to defeat good cognition, awareness, intention, all the rest of the apparent defences…

> Unfortunately it seems to me that addiction tends to defeat good cognition, awareness, intention, all the rest of the apparent defences In those who become addicted, sure. But that's a small minority. For most of us, something, whether it's good cognition, awareness, intention, or something else, apparently does defeat addiction.

[deleted]

Re: My dead dad’s journal

#34

Post by ssfrr »

BurningFrog wrote: post #27
steve_adams_86 wrote: post #3

> An addict who was self-aware, and still couldn’t pull himself out from the abyss. My experience with addicts is that they are often self aware. Their appearance and circumstance might suggest otherwise. It's very easy to relegate these people to some category of cognitive failure. Unfortunately it seems to me that addiction tends to defeat good cognition, awareness, intention, all the rest of the apparent defences…

> Unfortunately it seems to me that addiction tends to defeat good cognition, awareness, intention, all the rest of the apparent defences In those who become addicted, sure. But that's a small minority. For most of us, something, whether it's good cognition, awareness, intention, or something else, apparently does defeat addiction.

Most people don’t killed by bears. It’s not because they are somehow strong enough to beat a bear in a fight, it’s because they don’t get attacked by bears.

Re: My dead dad’s journal

#35

Post by m0zg »

BLKNSLVR wrote: post #20
m0zg wrote: post #12

I feel like I could only really understand my parents when I became a parent myself. All the fucked up stuff they did to themselves and each other (and sometimes to me), all the life lessons they tried (mostly unsuccessfully) to teach me - I'm doing some version of it, and it now makes more sense since I'm now where they were back then. I suspect it'll only fully make sense once I become a grandparent.

Unrequested advice: I try to explain to my kids the underlying life lesson that is trying to teach them. Don't leave it in a journal, leave it in their memories. Not knowing how old your kids are, but they understand and can take on advice at an earlier age than you might expect. They may have tantrums about it, sure, but your explanations will stick with them, and consolidate the more explanations you give them. Exp…

One thing to understand though (and people who don't have kids don't understand this at all) is that kids are not robots: they're gonna do what they're gonna do, they will (once they grow up a bit) think you're "out of touch" and "don't understand anything". Any effect you have as a parent is not as huge as non-parents think, even if you do a good job. Conversations do sink in, temporarily, but then a hit of dopamine kids get from doing the things you told them not to do (or not doing things you told them to do) washes it all away from their mind and you have to start over. Ex: soda, sweets, brushing their teeth, watching YouTube for 10 hours a day, exercise, schoolwork, and so on. Some kids are better behaved than others, and you don't know ahead of time which you're going to get. It's the hardest debugging problem in the world, and a significant fraction of well meaning adults completely fail at it.

Re: My dead dad’s journal

#36

Post by BLKNSLVR »

m0zg wrote: post #35
BLKNSLVR wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Unrequested advice: I try to explain to my kids the underlying life lesson that is trying to teach them. Don't leave it in a journal, leave it in their memories. Not knowing how old your kids are, but they understand and can take on advice at an earlier age than you might expect. They may have tantrums about it, sure, but your explanations will stick with them, and consolidate the more explanations you give them. Exp…

One thing to understand though (and people who don't have kids don't understand this at all) is that kids are not robots: they're gonna do what they're gonna do, they will (once they grow up a bit) think you're "out of touch" and "don't understand anything". Any effect you have as a parent is not as huge as non-parents think, even if you do a good job. Conversations do sink in, temporarily, but then a hit of dopamine…

I heard that 'personality' (whatever that means) is kinda set in stone by age three or four. Not 'set in stone' but it becomes much harder to change beyond that point. So we made sure that, right from scratch, our kids were disciplined as consistently as possible, so that their 'personality' boundaries at age three / four were pretty close to where we'd like them to be (this is all very vague, but, fundamentally, we'd done what we could to have them 'set in stone' from a good base).

This may just coincide with the age bracket at which kids make friends and start spending increasing amounts of time with other people and therefore having 'outside' influence. The lesson being: set them up to know good / bad / appropriate / inappropriate by this time.

Allowing some time to involve yourself in their interests (which equates to their friends' interests), rather than forcing them to conform with your own interests, should keep you somewhat more relevant in their eyes. This is much easier said than done - I've struggled with this the whole time, but Minecraft was a great phase :)

Learn to laugh at what they find funny, just to connect. Look at it through their naive eyes rather than your own broken-by-the-world cynical life experience.

Re: My dead dad’s journal

#37

Post by pepoluan »

That was a beautiful story. I'm teary eyed reading that.

I wish my mom & dad kept a journal, but they hadn't, and now they live only in me & my brother's memories...

I should start my own journal.

Re: My dead dad’s journal

#38

Post by steve_adams_86 »

LocalH wrote: post #18
xyzzy_plugh wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Unfortunately it seems to me that addiction tends to defeat good cognition, awareness, intention, all the rest of the apparent defences – it isn't a disease of stupidity or inferiority. Sadly this is true for so many things -- depression, ADHD, extreme anxiety. And yet for the most part, society does not understand. Instead, people aren't trying hard enough, or they're not letting things make them happy, or they're…

Such compassion isn't compatible with the capitalist ways that most of the Western world has adopted.

Opinion: It absolutely is. Compassion uplifts many of us who could otherwise be a burden on those around us. It helps the most productive avoid burn out. It spreads responsibility by enabling more people, and not relying solely on those who thrive with less support. Compassion is the long view as far as I can tell.

We may come to believe there’s an incompatibility, but I don’t believe it’s innate within capitalism itself. I think it’s more so a byproduct of how it has been implemented so far combined with deep cultural hang ups. There’s no reason I can see that would make capitalism and compassion exclusive of each other.

I believe addiction and a lack of compassion largely come down to culture. Rejection and condemnation of psychological issues likely occurred long before financial systems influenced our decisions so strongly.

Re: My dead dad’s journal

#39

Post by steve_adams_86 »

BurningFrog wrote: post #27
steve_adams_86 wrote: post #3

> An addict who was self-aware, and still couldn’t pull himself out from the abyss. My experience with addicts is that they are often self aware. Their appearance and circumstance might suggest otherwise. It's very easy to relegate these people to some category of cognitive failure. Unfortunately it seems to me that addiction tends to defeat good cognition, awareness, intention, all the rest of the apparent defences…

> Unfortunately it seems to me that addiction tends to defeat good cognition, awareness, intention, all the rest of the apparent defences In those who become addicted, sure. But that's a small minority. For most of us, something, whether it's good cognition, awareness, intention, or something else, apparently does defeat addiction.

I’m fairly sure this is a logical fallacy. Addiction is so prevalent among people who are far more intelligent, capable, and strong than I am. There’s nothing special about me other than a fortunate environment and genetics as far as I’m concerned.

Pretty much every addict I’ve spoken to about their addiction and personal matters (not a small number) has had terrible experiences in life. It’s almost guaranteed. Weird trauma, or a lack of something critical in early life. The brain begins to seek, it self medicates, it soothes, the feedback loop becomes unbearable. Like an itch you need to scratch, but each scratch ruins your life a little more. Even after you stop using, the itch is typically still there. Good luck not scratching it.

It might feel good to tell yourself us non-addicts are somehow superior, but I prefer to warn myself that I’m certainly not. If anything I admire a lot of these people for holding on. My life is comparatively effortless yet I still have a hard time with plenty. We’re on easy mode if you ask me (which I know, you didn’t).

Bottom line, addiction is arguably like a disease and you (fortunately) don’t have it.

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