Ask HN: I feel trapped in my job and city

Depression after returning to work from a holiday is very common. That should be a clue that we're doing something wrong as a society.

What % of your life right now is determined by external factors and pressures? Are you truly living this life right now for yourself?

It seems to me that you do have ideas of what might make you happy, but there are quite a few blocks, the most apparent of which is that you don't seem to believe that it is possible. But, it is fully possible to start designing a life that works for you. Millions of people have done it, but you will need to really look inside and listen to yourself.

Don't look at what everyone else is doing, or have done. If you consider what everyone else considers, you might as well continue to play a sort of video game where the rewards are determined by whichever bubble/society/conditioned norms you are surrounded by, and end up spending 90% of your time living a the collectively conditioned life. 90% of your life stressed and unhappy.

If you out in the garden and observe, you might notice how unique each plant is different from the other. The century plant (agave) likes dry conditions and blooms once every 10-30 years, but Hydrangeas need shade to thrive and bloom only once a season.

You are a completely unique individual, and what makes you happy will certainly be different from other people. Perhaps financial stability is important, but you've recognized that traveling/meditation/learning other stuff brings you joy also.

As a start, think about what your ideal life might look like. What would you be doing day to day? Give yourself the space to imagine something different, it might seem far from where you are now, but you need a direction to start moving.

When I was working in animation, there was an engineer who would work for a couple years at the studio (ultimately burning out after "crunch time" like everyone else), quit, then spend a year trading stocks in New York to recover from burn out and make up for the $ lost working for a studio. Then he'd come back to LA and work on the next production.

That was so fun and inspiring to me. What a creative way to make things work!

I'll end by saying that part of my vision was to live and paint in Hawaii (I also studied cs/did research). I was also thinking that maybe I'll have to wait till I'm 50 to start living my life. But this past weekend, I was out here with my new easel painting Kaneohe valley ;)

It took me 2 years - many small but significant steps along the way - being very honest with myself at each step. I did take a bit of a paycut/maybe sacrificed a promo, but I am 100% happier where I am now, doing what I am doing now, spending time on things that truly matter to ME. And, there are tons of people I've met here, who've done the same and took charge of their lives in the same way :)

Give yourself the permission to go after the life you want.

That sentence is grammatically incorrect. But even if meaning this, calling him an a-hole is a bit harsh, especially for HN.

What did you end up doing

I'm late to respond, but I hear you. I mostly work with startups or startup-like projects. The few gigs I had in Finance I found the day-to-day to be lacking any meaningful challenge. The only plus was the higher pay. And it seemed like the less attractive the role, the larger the sum that was placed on the table.

On the job front, you'd be surprised what you can earn in London NOT doing finance. Start contracting. There is a lot of work, in or out of IR-35. There is a lot of interesting work too.

And the best part - remote work is becoming more and more viable. I have not been in an office in nearly two years.

On the city front - that is harder for me to relate. I love living in London, but I don't live at the heart of the City. I live on the outskirts (within M25), next to the river, two massive parks, yet still a 15 minute walk to a major town and 30 minute train ride to central London. Rents in central London are not reasonable. Here they are more palatable.

Change your job to a place that allows you to remote and you can live anywhere. You're looking at things from a slightly 2018 point of view. We're not there anymore I don't think.