What do you like to do?
It almost sounds like you don't know what you want to do.
Ask HN: I feel trapped in my job and city
31–40 of 265 posts
Re: Ask HN: I feel trapped in my job and city
#32Btw, you seem to be underpaid. You should be getting 300K-500K GBP total comp. Shouldn't have an issue buying a house.
Re: Ask HN: I feel trapped in my job and city
#33What are some things that you connect well?
Things you love doing without looking at the clock?
Re: Ask HN: I feel trapped in my job and city
#34Where do you plan on retiring to? Moving back home? Why not move back get paid less and start retirement early. Wasting all your money on London rent means you are breaking even over a lower salary.
The problem is that I want to create a life with my partner... and I don't want to ruin his career. If I were single I would move back in a heartbeat.
Forget jobs for a minute. You want to create a life with your partner. Where? The two of you, thinking about life together... where do you (plural) want that to be?
Re: Ask HN: I feel trapped in my job and city
#35If you want I can offer a fairly straightforward path from where you are that leads to more money. Housing and location can be solved by switching to remote and moving somewhere more rural if you're up for that. But it sounds like you've already come to the conclusion both of those things would lead you back to where you are now. For you friend I prescribe reading Sidartha.
Thank you. I've been trying to make mindfulness a habit for a while now. I'm hoping it will clarify what it is I actually want to spend my time on.
Re: Ask HN: I feel trapped in my job and city
#36With a phD in CS, the likelihood is you could probably find something outside of Quant finance at a big tech company. Try and connect with some recruiters at Google etc and see what they have going on. A better job can make a big difference, perhaps one that will allow you to spend more time visiting home (remote work supported).
Just because it's Google doesn't mean I'll be interested. A job is a job, as I see it. Why would working on ads be any more meaningful than my current job, even if it's using ML? Although if it were 100% remote, that definitely trumps my current job.
> Although if it were 100% remote, that definitely trumps my current job.
It seems to me the London location is a constraint not because of your job but because of your partner. So I'm going to play devil's advocate and say that you may as well capitalize on that and get a job that can't be remoted away and get as much out of it as you can before you both decide you've had enough and move away.
Re: Ask HN: I feel trapped in my job and city
#37Where do you plan on retiring to? Moving back home? Why not move back get paid less and start retirement early. Wasting all your money on London rent means you are breaking even over a lower salary.
The problem is that I want to create a life with my partner... and I don't want to ruin his career. If I were single I would move back in a heartbeat.
Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or professional in any way. Just a random person offering an opinion.
I think you need to really weigh the options and give it serious thought. If you're so miserable that working made you cry, and you don't like the city you're living in, I think you need to strongly consider putting your needs first. If you're miserable, I can guarantee you that the people that really care about you will also be miserable... so you're doing them a disservice by continuing to be miserable.
It seems like you already know what to do. You really liked your hometown. You don't like London. Just go home and see how it goes. If it doesn't work out, you can restart. If it does, then great. Life is so short, don't spend it being miserable.
Re: Ask HN: I feel trapped in my job and city
#38Earlier quoted context omitted.
I think you give yourself too little credit. You graduated with a PhD in CS, you must be well above average.
Well, I certainly have the ability to pass hard interviews with a lot of preparation, but there comes a point where you wonder if it's at all worth the effort.
That I definitely agree with but if I understand you correctly you're quite miserable now so an alternative looks relatively attractive.
Can you try to get into the hiring committee at your current employer? You'll get some free practice.
Re: Ask HN: I feel trapped in my job and city
#39I'm sorry you are in this state. You share a lot of details about what you don't like and what you wish were better in your post. Perhaps HN can help you in a different way if you write about what you want to do and what you like (careers, cities, dreams and ambitions etc). > I have racked my brain trying to figure out what field I would prefer to work in, but I can't think of anything. I assume you mean that you wan…
Yeah, very good advice. It is very important to know what you are one earth for. This knowledge sometimes disappears, always changes, must continually be updated, etc. But it's key to be able to navigate in the total uncertainty that is life. Seeking help for that is totally normal and useful. You'll get many things from a therapist.
Somehow some people are lucky enough to be at the sweet sport between what they like to do and what they're able (in the sense that they are in a situation where they can express they qualities,...) to do. But for one match there are so many mismatches, just a question of luck.
Re: Ask HN: I feel trapped in my job and city
#40Have you looked at non-FAANG companies for remote work? If you know web apps or could learn there are a lot of companies with remote SW dev openings out there. After working for years at a large company, I am happy with a much smaller company, working directly on products. Happy as I could be, it still is work though. You feel more connected with the work when its usage isn't so distant. Sounds like you have some bur…
The problem is the salary differential between my industry / FAANG versus everything else. It's a bi-modal distribution.
The key part of his suggestion was “remote”. As someone else mentioned, you’re net positive comparing a high salary, living in London, with a lower paying job, living elsewhere. If you live somewhere else, you could do with less income in a more fulfilling job.
But you need to quit. You’re on a collision course with a burn out. Avoid at all costs. This will mentally scar you for the rest of your career. It’s no joke.
The important part is to get control back over your life. Your happiness.
My advice would be to jot down all your options and how they relate to each other and then go over them _with_ your partner. Maybe have them read your Ask HN post and everyone’s reply if you haven’t shared your doubts / feelings yet. If your partner wants you to be happy, and you want to be happy together, this is a problem the both of you need to solve.
Best of luck!