America's “Friendscape” Crisis • Hacker News Board

Re: America's “Friendscape” Crisis

#41

Post by Ajay-p » Sun, Jul 25, 2021, 7:39 PM UTC

imbnwa wrote: post #8

Personally I realized during the Pandemic that a lot of the relationships I'd fostered over the course of my adult life were lead by a desperate desire for belonging rather than on sober considerations such as: do these people respect me at all?; do these people care about my inner life at all?; do these people share a desire for growth beyond that of our local maximums?; do these people have any ambition at all? - t…

Do you have a hobby? I build model airplanes and collect old telephones, when I can afford them. There are rich communities behind these and that has given me a social life outside of the internet.

Re: America's “Friendscape” Crisis

#42

Post by Mountain_Skies » Sun, Jul 25, 2021, 7:43 PM UTC

yepthatsreality wrote: post #4

Modern Americans suck at building and maintaining community. Everyone wants to play in the sandbox but no one wants to rake it.

Robert Putnam has studied this extensively but his findings weren't politically correct so he hid them for quite some time. Once he finally did release them, he discovered his fears were well founded, as he was villainized for his research. So we will continue to roam around searching for the cause while ignoring what's already in front of us because we simply don't want it to be true or are too fearful of what recognizing it would mean.

Re: America's “Friendscape” Crisis

#43

Post by analognoise » Sun, Jul 25, 2021, 7:43 PM UTC

Footkerchief wrote: post #40

maxerickson wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do people on both sides of parasocial relationships feel seen and understood? I thought the definition there was people that gave attention to someone that doesn't return it?

My perception is that people on the 'consumer' side of parasocial relationships do feel understood, and that that feeling is their main motivation for taking part in the relationship. The feeling is no less real for being the product of automated market research and micro-targeting, instead of personal intimacy.

"The feeling is no less real for being the product of automated market research and micro-targeting, instead of personal intimacy."

The most dystopian thing I've read all week.

Re: America's “Friendscape” Crisis

#44

Post by cuddlybacon » Sun, Jul 25, 2021, 7:44 PM UTC

Footkerchief wrote: post #13

Personally, I'm convinced that parasocial relationships are outcompeting social relationships. You can risk your ego putting yourself out there in real life, or you can let a recommendation algorithm serve you content that gives you the feeling of being seen and understood without requiring any reciprocal vulnerability on your part.

I think parasocial relationships have mostly been an attempt to fill the gap left by the lack of real friendships.

Re: America's “Friendscape” Crisis

#45

Post by warglebargle » Sun, Jul 25, 2021, 7:46 PM UTC

I haven’t had a friend other than my wife for 10 years and now that I have young kids I sometimes feel like I never will. This is largely because we don’t have a lot of money and therefore very little time for hobbies. I also don’t use social media. Maybe when I retire I’ll figure it out? (will I be able to retire?)

Re: America's “Friendscape” Crisis

#46

Post by addicted » Sun, Jul 25, 2021, 7:48 PM UTC

UnpossibleJim wrote: post #11

ethbr0 wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I would counter that modern Americ a sucks for supporting communities. Our policies are mostly geared around creating never-ending strip malls, endless suburban neighborhoods, and omnipresent traffic issues. Because these things most efficiently create tax revenue, happy "what my parents had" families, and income segregated areas. Similar to college, fixing America starts with deciding that everyone doesn't need a si…

As unpopular as this might be to say, and as environmentally unfriendly as it is, I've known my neighbors in every house I lived in; even when my friends and I rented a house in college, and after I was done with college, and I've rented houses with friends. They weren't always thrilled to see renters move in, but when we mowed the grass or were grilling, etc. you're forced to look over the fence and say "hey". Apart…

I doubt close friends are geographically close after school.

The lack of close friendships is probably driven more by a lack of community activities than not knowing your neighbors.

Re: America's “Friendscape” Crisis

#47

Post by addicted » Sun, Jul 25, 2021, 7:50 PM UTC

pantalaimon wrote: post #33

ben_w wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My apartment (in Germany, not USA) has that. I hope it reopens after the pandemic.

That's unfortunately only true for old (100+ years) buildings, most newer developments don't have commercial space in the ground floor.

What are needed are more community spaces.

Parks, YMCAs, basketball courts, cafes, etc.

Re: America's “Friendscape” Crisis

#48

Post by addicted » Sun, Jul 25, 2021, 7:53 PM UTC

kiba wrote: post #15

ethbr0 wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I would counter that modern Americ a sucks for supporting communities. Our policies are mostly geared around creating never-ending strip malls, endless suburban neighborhoods, and omnipresent traffic issues. Because these things most efficiently create tax revenue, happy "what my parents had" families, and income segregated areas. Similar to college, fixing America starts with deciding that everyone doesn't need a si…

Our policies are mostly geared around creating never-ending strip malls, endless suburban neighborhoods, and omnipresent traffic issues. Because these things most efficiently create tax revenue, happy "what my parents had" families, and income segregated areas. I doubt that they are most efficient at generating tax revenue, especially when considering density and infrastructure maintenance.

They are definitely significantly worse at generating tax revenue.

Mixed housing along with ground level commercial spaces even in the poorest of downtown districts generate more tax revenue.

The problem is when crime and other forms of blight lead to people not living or working in those places anymore.

Re: America's “Friendscape” Crisis

#49

Post by lkrubner » Sun, Jul 25, 2021, 8:00 PM UTC

If anyone in tech lives in New York City and is looking to meet more people, reach out to me. I recently re-started these parties:

http://www.smashcompany.com/philosophy/everyone-was-amazing-...

I held them once-a-month for 3 years before the pandemic, and I just restarted this month. These parties happen at my rooftop terrace at my place on the Upper West Side:

254 W 98th St

New York NY 10025

It's mostly a tech crowd, but also some folks from the theater world, and the publishing world.

Text me if you want to be on the invite list: 434 825 7694

Re: America's “Friendscape” Crisis

#50

Post by pixl97 » Sun, Jul 25, 2021, 8:09 PM UTC

cuddlybacon wrote: post #44

Footkerchief wrote: post #13

Personally, I'm convinced that parasocial relationships are outcompeting social relationships. You can risk your ego putting yourself out there in real life, or you can let a recommendation algorithm serve you content that gives you the feeling of being seen and understood without requiring any reciprocal vulnerability on your part.

I think parasocial relationships have mostly been an attempt to fill the gap left by the lack of real friendships.

Why not both? The hyperreal is a hard landscape to navigate.