101–110 of 121 posts
A few points I got from this: - Possessions do own you. I have made an effort in the past year to minimize my stuff. One of my long term goals is to be able to shrink the majority of my life into a travel-able size. It allows me to cherish the essentials and not bloat the rest of my life. - Money does allow for happiness, just to a certain extent. Money opens up many opportunities and comforts. It also adds security.…
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+1, I think all of this is true and wise, but I will offer a contrasting perspective. I think it is good to have high expectations, not so much financially but in general. I was working a stable, dull job, had a quiet social life, and was reasonably happy and content. But I decided that I could be living much more. I quit my job, moved cross country, started and finished a Ph.D. program, got an academic job, and also…
Just out of interest ... My life has been much, much better as a result. How do you know this? You didn't live the other life, so you seem just to be speculating about how the other life may have turned out. You know know that the life you chose really is better. Or do you?
This question is, in my experience, the crux of many people's depression.
I realize that may seem to be hyperbole but consider that it is a question that cannot be reasonably answered. Even when it seems like it can, for example a friend of mine was stressing over the fact that they did not take a job offered to them by a startup, the startup was acquired and the person who did take the job did quite well. They felt like they had been 'stupid' to not taking the job, but everyone knows a company is the sum of its people. With the different mix the outcome could have been different.
I sometimes joke about knowing that I never invent time travel, because if I had I would have gone back to the summer of 2000 and told myself to cash out of equities. My wife said, but what if doing that prevents you from having the set of experiences that lead to you inventing time travel? Or maybe future-you sees the value of the path you took vs 'other' road you did not take.
Fundamentally you have to decide, move on, and accept. As a parent it is especially hard to do since you not only don't have any sort of manual on what the right thing to do is, everyone's child is different and so the 'right' thing is really impossible to know apriori.
So perhaps its not so much knowing that your life has been better because of your previous decisions, its more about understanding that the quality of your life, its 'betterness' if you will, is a combination of variables and that you've always decided to be true to your principals. So having solid principals for making those decisions you can be satisfied with your part in how your life has turned out.
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A "life lesson" may still have a non-universal set of (common) situations to which it applies.
You don't agree that the more specific a situation is, the less applicable to 'life' it is?
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Just out of interest ... My life has been much, much better as a result. How do you know this? You didn't live the other life, so you seem just to be speculating about how the other life may have turned out. You know know that the life you chose really is better. Or do you?
I am comparing my life now to my life eight years ago, and also to some extent the life of my friends who are still living in the same town and working at the same company. As far as how my other life may have "turned out"... I guess I'm not really sure what that means. I think the one comparison I can really make is if I had not made a lot of changes. Of course it is possible that I could have changed my life in som…
I think people underestimate how much work/effort/time it takes to change ones perspective.
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Hi thanks for replying, I am in Kobe, close to Osaka. Do you ever come to Osaka, by any chance?
Hey Stayjin, I'm coming to Osaka next week actually on Friday. Let me know if you have time for a coffee! My email address is in my profile. Cheers,
This group was initiated by Garr Raynolds of http://www.presentationzen.com/ but Garr became very busy, so since last year, together with another guy we run the show.
Disclaimer: I have seen so many Enlightened Tourists after two weeks in Lhasa or a Hindu/Yogi Gurus after one months in Varanasi and especially Teachers Of Humanity with an obvious Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
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Hey Stayjin, I'm coming to Osaka next week actually on Friday. Let me know if you have time for a coffee! My email address is in my profile. Cheers,
I guess it is not a coincidence, but just in case that you don't know it already, patio11 is giving a talk at a presentation group we have here called "Design Matters", at the Osaka Shinsaibashi Apple Store. It will be great. Check out http://designmatters.jp/ This group was initiated by Garr Raynolds of http://www.presentationzen.com/ but Garr became very busy, so since last year, together with another guy we run th…
I'd also be interested in grabbing a coffee some time with others from HN; my e-mail is in my profile, please drop me a line :)
Thanks!
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Where in Japan are you located? I'm in Tokushima.
Hi thanks for replying, I am in Kobe, close to Osaka. Do you ever come to Osaka, by any chance?
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I guess it is not a coincidence, but just in case that you don't know it already, patio11 is giving a talk at a presentation group we have here called "Design Matters", at the Osaka Shinsaibashi Apple Store. It will be great. Check out http://designmatters.jp/ This group was initiated by Garr Raynolds of http://www.presentationzen.com/ but Garr became very busy, so since last year, together with another guy we run th…
Sorry to barge in but I'd love to go to this; the website just mentions something for April 5th though; can I assume that patio11's talk is on from 7pm at the Apple Store in Shinsaibashi this Friday? I'd also be interested in grabbing a coffee some time with others from HN; my e-mail is in my profile, please drop me a line :) Thanks!
I am very sorry, the site is not updated yet (because I didn't have time to get to it yet :( Sorry, things are getting a little crazy with day job recently... )
> 2. Deferring your happiness to the future is a terrible idea Every time I see this, I ask myself, how is this advice reconciled with the famous Marshmallow experiment? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanford_marshmallow_experiment There surely must come a point where enough deferred future marshmallow gratification makes deferred gratification a recommended life strategy. If I were always to choose not to delay my ha…
You can read the article on the new yorker now (google newyorker marshmallow, article is called "the secret of self-control") but the key concept is "strategic allocation of attention".
I'm not sure what his point is...in fact the whole article is a little bit haphazard. The concept is usually stated as "deferring pleasure", which is completely different from deferring happiness.