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The vital art of talking to strangers

economist.com

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Re: The vital art of talking to strangers

#241

Post by denkmoon »

KittenInABox wrote: post #22
deregulateMed wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The difference is choosing to engage or closing the web page. Plus, I have no problem talking with programmers about their jobs and hobbies. Compare that to talking to a program manager who's hobbies are comic book related... I'm not sure what to talk about with them... Maybe virtue vs hedonist philosophy? (They do comic books, they are clearly hedonists)

> They do comic books, they are clearly hedonists Are comics significantly more hedonistic than other media? (I'm genuinely asking; I've never been interested in comics but I've also never heard that they were all that different from other entertainment media.)

I think it is more a funny poke at the moral panic surrounding comic books in the 50s?

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers

#242

Post by useragent86 »

throwawayboise wrote: post #207
hluska wrote: post #159

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sorry to have to say this but anyone who tells you you’re going to hell isn’t a Christian. I left the church over similar feelings so I identify. But for the record and the benefit of anyone else who might need to hear this, you’re not going to hell. The biblical Jesus (he’s the Christ in Christian) hung out with sailors, prostitutes and a tax collector. The fact that xtians tell people they’re going to hell in that…

No man can tell anyone how God will judge him. You seek forgiveness of sin through Christ and try to live accordingly. If your church is telling you you will go to hell (or guaranteeing you will not) you should find another church. That's not the same as condemning sin and trying to guide people away from it though.

What did Christ say about eternal judgement?

John 12:47-49: "If anyone hears My sayings and does not keep them, I do not judge him; for I did not come to judge the world, but to save the world. He who rejects Me and does not receive My sayings, has one who judges him; the word I spoke is what will judge him at the last day. For I did not speak on My own initiative, but the Father Himself who sent Me has given Me a commandment as to what to say and what to speak."

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers

#243

Post by nazgulnarsil »

0xcde4c3db wrote: post #200
bittercynic wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've noticed the same pattern - people are usually very polite if you address them - and it makes me more reluctant to strike up a conversation with nearby strangers. If they really don't want to interact with me they might not give me a clear signal, and I might be causing extended discomfort for someone even though they are acting like they want to continue the interaction. I'm trying to get smarter about reading s…

> Are there classes or something available for people who know they're lacking in social skills and want to get better? I've looked for something like this before, and haven't really found a good option. The main things people tend to bring up are: 1) Toastmasters. This is is adult-oriented and widely available, but is largely for people who want to improve at public speaking and "leadership". 2) Social skills traini…

Improv!

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers

#244

Post by trashface »

munificent wrote: post #15

I have a hypothesis that almost all of the US's current cultural problems would be solved if once a month we all cooked and shared a meal with another randomly chosen family.

Terrible idea. Families don't want to talk to single, middle aged guys like me. I don't need any new enemies, thank you very much.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers

#245

Post by useragent86 »

hluska wrote: post #159
abeyer wrote: post #120

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I still show up for the community. Always have, and likely always will. Just stick around. Why would I choose to do this somewhere that the leadership rejects me and tells me I will burn in hell? I know that many individuals within the church may not agree, but plenty will, and culture is set from the top. It's not like there aren't more social/community options than I could possibly find the time to participate in…

Sorry to have to say this but anyone who tells you you’re going to hell isn’t a Christian. I left the church over similar feelings so I identify. But for the record and the benefit of anyone else who might need to hear this, you’re not going to hell. The biblical Jesus (he’s the Christ in Christian) hung out with sailors, prostitutes and a tax collector. The fact that xtians tell people they’re going to hell in that…

> Sorry to have to say this but anyone who tells you you’re going to hell isn’t a Christian. I left the church over similar feelings so I identify. But for the record and the benefit of anyone else who might need to hear this, you’re not going to hell.

What did Christ say about sin and repentance?

Matthew 11:20-24: Then He began to denounce the cities in which most of His miracles were done, because they did not repent. “Woe to you, Chorazin! Woe to you, Bethsaida! For if the miracles had occurred in Tyre and Sidon which occurred in you, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes. Nevertheless I say to you, it will be more tolerable for Tyre and Sidon in the day of judgment than for you. And you, Capernaum, will not be exalted to heaven, will you? You will descend to Hades; for if the miracles had occurred in Sodom which occurred in you, it would have remained to this day. Nevertheless I say to you that it will be more tolerable for the land of Sodom in the day of judgment, than for you.”

> The biblical Jesus (he’s the Christ in Christian) hung out with sailors, prostitutes and a tax collector. The fact that xtians tell people they’re going to hell in that person’s name is a disgrace. It’s not the biblical antichrist but it’s sure anti everything Jesus said and did.

What did Christ say about about his role in judgement?

John 12:47-49: If anyone hears My sayings and does not keep them, I do not judge him; for I did not come to judge the world, but to save the world. He who rejects Me and does not receive My sayings, has one who judges him; the word I spoke is what will judge him at the last day. For I did not speak on My own initiative, but the Father Himself who sent Me has given Me a commandment as to what to say and what to speak.

> If anyone reads these words and feels pain, feel free to reach out. You’re incredibly loved, at least by me and I’ll have your back no matter what.

What did Paul say about pain?

2 Corinthians 7:10: For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death.

Make sure the gospel you're preaching is of the Word and not of man. Many churches misrepresent the truth, but many others aren't willing to speak it.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers

#247

Post by PrimalDual »

JSavageOne wrote: post #162

One's life completely opens up when one realizes that it's possible to talk to strangers and meet friends / romantic partners anywhere, anytime, in any situation. Sure most interactions may not amount to much other than sharing a moment, but every now and then you make a friend or even romantic partner that makes it all worth it and then some. Walking outside goes from being what may have been a mere mundane chore, t…

I like your approach and I agree that it should lead to better outcomes. Sadly for the less socially adept, it’s not clear to me how to get social interactions from random strangers without having both sides of the equation be uncomfortable. My experience of trying this approach just ends with two uncomfortable people and leaves me with another social misstep to haunt me at night.

Since it sounds like you want to share your experience, would you mind sharing more details of how those first encounters went and why you even decided to talk to those people in the first place? Where do you hangout that you can just casually approach and start chatting up people?

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers

#249

Post by tomrod »

munificent wrote: post #15

I have a hypothesis that almost all of the US's current cultural problems would be solved if once a month we all cooked and shared a meal with another randomly chosen family.

Unless you have had food poisoning from a potluck, or had a schizophrenic neighbor joke about putting ground glass in their chili at said potluck (it definitely had some kind of grit).

No, I don't think forcing sociality is the right solution, though I am on board with encouraging community events generally.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers

#250

Post by stevewodil »

beezischillin wrote: post #145

I grew up as a very lonely child so I struggle a lot with talking to strangers, usually the idea way more than the practice. Knowing that I’ll have to call a stranger on the phone or go to a social event full of unknown people stresses me out to the point of often thinking of many ways of how I’d like to get out of them. In social situations I struggle to let go and have to put enormous amounts of energy to act ‘norm…

>Knowing that I’ll have to call a stranger on the phone

It won't necessarily help the buildup of anxiety about the call itself, but I've found that I'm much more relaxed when using wireless earbuds on a phone call than when holding the phone to my ear. I'm not sure why, may be something to do with being able to freely move my hands.

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