The vital art of talking to strangers • Hacker News Board

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers

#151

Post by nate_meurer » Wed, Jul 14, 2021, 9:05 PM UTC

iammisc wrote: post #135

nate_meurer wrote: post #131

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Right, I acknowledge your correction, so I responded with an amended statement, with emphasis on the part that I'd gotten wrong. Let me know if you'd like something more, like a written apology or something. If your argument mainly focuses on whether the SBC is the first or second largest American religious organization, then I guess you win. Congratulations! It pains me to point out something so obvious, but the SBC…

SBC is not only not the first largest, it's a different order of magnitude. And my point was that it's a mixed bag. While a lot of support for slavery was nominally Christian, so was a lot of opposition. For example, the Battle Hymn of the Republic is just that -- a hymn -- and its words on slavery are absolutely brutal. You can say 'christianity was a force for slavery' but you can't say that while not also acknowle…

"Yeah but you weren't just wrong. You were wrong by a lot!"

:)

> my point was that it's a mixed bag. While a lot of support for slavery was nominally Christian, so was a lot of opposition.

Ok, but that's not what you said. You objected, without qualification, to the notion that large mainstream christian denominations supported white supremacy. IIRC, you said such talk was "picking and choosing".

Now, if the new location of your goalposts is their true permanent home, I'm happy to report that we agree with each other!

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers

#152

Post by dd444fgdfg » Wed, Jul 14, 2021, 9:06 PM UTC

beezischillin wrote: post #145

I grew up as a very lonely child so I struggle a lot with talking to strangers, usually the idea way more than the practice. Knowing that I’ll have to call a stranger on the phone or go to a social event full of unknown people stresses me out to the point of often thinking of many ways of how I’d like to get out of them. In social situations I struggle to let go and have to put enormous amounts of energy to act ‘norm…

you sounds like me. I think you're very normal if that helps.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers

#153

Post by harpersealtako » Wed, Jul 14, 2021, 9:07 PM UTC

sophacles wrote: post #144

zh3 wrote: post #87

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I remember a teacher who cycled to work every day, along a coastal route. Because he saw the same people so often, he set himself a goal to smile at all he recognised so they'd smile back. Last time we spoke, he was still battling one obstinate hold-out (while reminds me of an old joke - 'smiles' is actually the longest word in the english langugage because there's a mile between the s's).

If "smiles" is the longest, how do you explain "similes"?

"I" am inbetween the s's, so from my perspective, the distance is at most half a mile to an S.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers

#154

Post by OJFord » Wed, Jul 14, 2021, 9:09 PM UTC

andreyk wrote: post #70

Has literally anyone on this thread read the actual article? Seems pay walled to me... I don't view it as an issue, but maybe HN should start allowing "Let's Discuss" type submissions without a link to an article? That seems like what happens in many cases anyway. Anyways, on the topic of this article, yep it's important!

It's not disallowed, you can post a text submission. 'Ask HN: Ever had an interesting conversation with a stranger? Recommend it?' or something.

(The body can contain URLs, so you could still link 'this made me think about it, but for x reason didn't think it was a food submission itself'. I think the reason it doesn't really happen is probably that the only value for x that really makes sense is 'the article is broader than that and I want to discuss a more focussed point within it'?)

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers

#155

Post by r6203 » Wed, Jul 14, 2021, 9:15 PM UTC

beezischillin wrote: post #145

I grew up as a very lonely child so I struggle a lot with talking to strangers, usually the idea way more than the practice. Knowing that I’ll have to call a stranger on the phone or go to a social event full of unknown people stresses me out to the point of often thinking of many ways of how I’d like to get out of them. In social situations I struggle to let go and have to put enormous amounts of energy to act ‘norm…

This sounds like the „textbook definition“ of social anxiety which is understandable growing up lonely—and not learning social skills which many people take for granted later in life.

Maybe you want to take a look at improving this aspect of your life so everyday tasks like calling a stranger etc. doesn’t cost you that much energy.

For me classic exposure therapy helped in that regard and reflecting on the specific situations that I was thrown into afterwards (calling someone, asking for something in the store etc.)

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers

#156

Post by shkkmo » Wed, Jul 14, 2021, 9:20 PM UTC

iammisc wrote: post #84

AnIdiotOnTheNet wrote: post #71

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> When literally everyone of all political stripes attended the same churches The mere act of belonging to any given religion pre-selected certain ideas about how the world works and should work. Hardly "all political stripes".

Okay but if everyone attended church, as it used to be in this country, then by definition, essentially all political stripes of any import would be represented in them, and people would have to confront people who disagree with them physically.

You realize that political battles between catholics, protestants, puritans, etc have historically been far more partisan and violent than what we see happening today. Church attendance is absolutely not a panacea for social cohesion with a country.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers

#157

Post by watwut » Wed, Jul 14, 2021, 9:20 PM UTC

nine_k wrote: post #61

edmundsauto wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is a rosy view of religion, although I accept that is your experience and perspective, and thank you for sharing it. To me, church attendance is about making the in/out group very clear. You may feel close to different political views based on your single church or flavor of Christianity, but that's still a pretty limited group. I think church membership has become undesirable because 1) fewer people believe in…

It's not about religion per se, but about a common religion which has rituals that make people meet each other more, piercing their bubble of like-mindedness (smaller than the religion). It's like going to a supermarket makes you see people more varied than your family circle and your chosen TV show characters. (It does not nudge you to talk to these people, though.)

The church I went in as kid was pretty tight socially and people in it were wery like minded. And by all I heard or read about, it is pretty much standard.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers

#158

Post by Invictus0 » Wed, Jul 14, 2021, 9:23 PM UTC

munificent wrote: post #15

I have a hypothesis that almost all of the US's current cultural problems would be solved if once a month we all cooked and shared a meal with another randomly chosen family.

Sad to see so many cynical replies. When I was at RPI, we had a club that organized dinner parties much like you describe. You can check it out here: https://thedinnerpartycollective.com/about

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers

#159

Post by hluska » Wed, Jul 14, 2021, 9:23 PM UTC

abeyer wrote: post #120

iammisc wrote: post #100

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> For the people who left the church because they found some of the teachings abhorrent, I would assume they were rejecting the church's authority, not rejecting God. If every conservative that rejected the church's authority decided to stay at home from church, the church would be empty. I get you don't like the church... like I really understand this viewpoint. But why reject the church goers? The pope, the bishops…

> I still show up for the community. Always have, and likely always will. Just stick around. Why would I choose to do this somewhere that the leadership rejects me and tells me I will burn in hell? I know that many individuals within the church may not agree, but plenty will, and culture is set from the top. It's not like there aren't more social/community options than I could possibly find the time to participate in…

Sorry to have to say this but anyone who tells you you’re going to hell isn’t a Christian. I left the church over similar feelings so I identify. But for the record and the benefit of anyone else who might need to hear this, you’re not going to hell.

The biblical Jesus (he’s the Christ in Christian) hung out with sailors, prostitutes and a tax collector. The fact that xtians tell people they’re going to hell in that person’s name is a disgrace. It’s not the biblical antichrist but it’s sure anti everything Jesus said and did.

If anyone reads these words and feels pain, feel free to reach out. You’re incredibly loved, at least by me and I’ll have your back no matter what.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers

#160

Post by haecceity » Wed, Jul 14, 2021, 9:27 PM UTC

Aboh33 wrote: post #62

As a related anecdote, I used to perform experiments by dressing in particular ways while going out in public. If I wore a nice blazer-type jacket and generally looked more preppy, I would definitely notice different behavior as when I might dress with with a t shirt and long sleeve over it with long sleeve shirt unbuttoned. I attribute this partly to conditioning via TV show characters etc.

What were the differences???