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The vital art of talking to strangers

economist.com

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Re: The vital art of talking to strangers

#51

Post by yaitsyaboi »

scotu wrote: post #29
munificent wrote: post #15

I have a hypothesis that almost all of the US's current cultural problems would be solved if once a month we all cooked and shared a meal with another randomly chosen family.

yeah, and please talk about social issues and that you have a partner of the same sex! just like in family meals that's going to go down super well! /s

I think you're overstating this based on the internet. Sure, there are aggressively intolerant folks and maybe too many for this to work.

But the vast majority of folks aren’t going to get into a flame war over diner while staring into someone’s face. They might say crude things but they’ll probably also learn something.

I think the only thing that makes this idea really questionable is the proliferation of firearms in American culture

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers

#52

Post by teachrdan »

iammisc wrote: post #48
munificent wrote: post #15

I have a hypothesis that almost all of the US's current cultural problems would be solved if once a month we all cooked and shared a meal with another randomly chosen family.

We used to call this going to church. When literally everyone of all political stripes attended the same churches, going to a church potluck was basically being paired randomly. However large political factions have made church membership out to be undesirable. We are reaping the rewards. I realized yesterday reading about cornel west, that even though I disagree with his politics, I see from his Christianity we have…

> However large political factions have made church membership out to be undesirable.

This comment appears to be a dog whistle, so please do correct me if I'm totally wrong here. But this reads like "Democrats / the left have demonized belonging to a church / Christianity," which is a common right wing talking point. Is that what you're saying here?

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers

#53

Post by iNane9000 »

stolenmerch wrote: post #31
deregulateMed wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That sounds like fun. Although I hope you are ready to meet lots of Christians and a few alcoholics every year. Just remember that the 90% doesn't like talking about their jobs. Hope you know the latest sportsball news... That being said, there's usually other commonalities to discuss.

Depends on if this proposed program is voluntary or involuntary. I suspect the folks to self-select to sit down with a random family to cook and share a meal may not identify with the demographics you point out.

Certainly the Mormons won’t show up, nor JWs with their watchtower pamphlets./s If there’s one thing Christians love, it’s inviting strangers to dinner. It’s biblical. They will also pray for you and thank God for the good food and company. Some find this “do good always” attitude horrifying, but probably because they’ve never been exposed to good Christians. Remember, most humans are good, even the Christians!

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers

#54

Post by renewiltord »

the_snooze wrote: post #45
renewiltord wrote: post #10

Perhaps the problem with social media is that it’s not social. It’s actually oratorical media. In a physically social setting, people do the thing the article quotes: they recognize that interaction with diametrically opposing viewpoints is possible if they exercise tact to eschew controversy until having built common ground. That isn’t possible at scale because there is no common ground at scale. And online, everyth…

It's also a smaller distance to close to find common ground in meatspace than online. In physical spaces, you gain a ton of information about social connections and interests just by who's where. If I'm at an academic conference (the regular in-person kind), odds are very high that the other attendees have similar esoteric research interests to mine. And if I see a friend talking to someone who's a stranger to me, it…

Cool! Thank you for the terminology info.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers

#55

Post by throwkeep »

renewiltord wrote: post #10

Perhaps the problem with social media is that it’s not social. It’s actually oratorical media. In a physically social setting, people do the thing the article quotes: they recognize that interaction with diametrically opposing viewpoints is possible if they exercise tact to eschew controversy until having built common ground. That isn’t possible at scale because there is no common ground at scale. And online, everyth…

Yes, it's a public performance more than a conversation.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers

#56

Post by silicon2401 »

munificent wrote: post #15

I have a hypothesis that almost all of the US's current cultural problems would be solved if once a month we all cooked and shared a meal with another randomly chosen family.

Your hypothesis is based on some utopian assumptions. I can't tell you how many people whose views or mannerisms I hate, and who I can't stand being around. Forcing me to eat with anyone, let alone strangers, would only make me dislike them more and cause tension. My utopian solution is for people to have more space and be farther apart, rather than everybody crammed up in cities.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers

#57

Post by trompetenaccoun »

scotu wrote: post #29
munificent wrote: post #15

I have a hypothesis that almost all of the US's current cultural problems would be solved if once a month we all cooked and shared a meal with another randomly chosen family.

yeah, and please talk about social issues and that you have a partner of the same sex! just like in family meals that's going to go down super well! /s

Food for thought: Maybe there's something wrong with your family if you can't share a meal together in peace.

Like families, societies need shared values. If a third of the population is religious extremist, another third believes in freedom and liberalism and the rest in Communism, fascism, or something even different, there is no common ground. I'm a tolerant person but I can't sit with people who preach that we should be treated differently depending on what race or gender we are. Or that gays shouldn't be able to get married. Diversity is good, but under a common denominator. Unchecked multiculturalism breaks nations apart. Smart people get divorces when they realize their partner is a disgusting swine who abuses them. Free societies need to do the same with groups promoting ideologies incompatible to their core values.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers

#58

Post by dQw4w9WgXcQ »

jcims wrote: post #17
renewiltord wrote: post #10

Perhaps the problem with social media is that it’s not social. It’s actually oratorical media. In a physically social setting, people do the thing the article quotes: they recognize that interaction with diametrically opposing viewpoints is possible if they exercise tact to eschew controversy until having built common ground. That isn’t possible at scale because there is no common ground at scale. And online, everyth…

Totally agree. Even without the opposition, there's a similar issue about having vulnerable conversations. I had a buddy over last night and he relayed an experience he had in NYC a few weeks ago. He was at a bar and saw this guy that just looked like he was in a bad place. He debated for a while whether or not to say anything but ultimately decided to break the ice and offer him a drink. The guy said he had to pace…

From my experience these sorts of conversations come much more easily in rural diners and country grocery stores than NYC bars (or at least places where people aren't generally trying to "be" someone). And it really doesn't take much tuning of any personal social instrument, just a willingness to lay one's own instrument down and enjoy the unique sound of another's.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers

#59

Post by borski »

underseacables wrote: post #43
Cthulhu_ wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"I didn't read but I will make assumptions and pass judgment" Please reconsider your behaviour on the internet; this is one reason why there's so much misinformation around.

Gosh that really made you upset didn't it.

[flagged]

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers

#60

Post by borski »

underseacables wrote: post #44
phpnode wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm surprised to see this reaction from a sales person, isn't this a major part of your job?

Actually it’s not, and there’s a difference between talking to strangers for business, and talking to strangers in social situations.

On this, I'd agree. Plenty of salesfolks are quite introverted outside of work.
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