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“Cat Person” and Me

slate.com

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Re: “Cat Person” and Me

#111

Post by watwut »

d110af5ccf wrote: post #40
tptacek wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

She didn't change "just the names". As the Slate article observes, she changes half the story . That's what people are mad about: that her work of fiction is mostly fictional.

> people are mad about: that her work of fiction is mostly fictional It's mostly fictional but apparently it comes across as true to many people on first glance. There is also a real world person which apparently many readers see an obvious link to. Regardless of how it all looks to you, surely you can appreciate how such a situation could give rise to a negative viewpoint?

I think it says something bad about contemporary writing that "comes accross as true" is exceptional.

Re: “Cat Person” and Me

#112

Post by JohnDoerian2 »

AdrianB1 wrote: post #72
DoreenMichele wrote: post #56

To me, the most disturbing part of this is the following section: I made plans to rent an apartment with some girls from my econ class the following year, but they told me they’d changed their minds when they found out about my older boyfriend. I'm a woman and I blog. I have made a stab at writing fiction, often loosely based on my life. People tend to assume it is 100 percent true . When I was getting divorced, if I…

It does not matter what was the hair color of your ex; as most women are looking for men with a future, most men are looking for women without a past and not take serious one with a past. The hair color is just an excuse. The entire evolution of humankind built that into men, it is in the genes, it is what they are. Societal pressure to vilify relations between older men and young women comes mostly from women. Studi…

The first part of your comment is based on what? It sounds more like a theory that you find in certain circles around the web, which are in my opinion mostly toxic.

And the 2nd part also needs a citation especially the villify part. While I am aware of the studies that you are referencing, they usually focus on sexual attraction. But relationships are not only based on sexual attraction.

Re: “Cat Person” and Me

#113

Post by DoreenMichele »

gpcr1949 wrote: post #101
DoreenMichele wrote: post #56

To me, the most disturbing part of this is the following section: I made plans to rent an apartment with some girls from my econ class the following year, but they told me they’d changed their minds when they found out about my older boyfriend. I'm a woman and I blog. I have made a stab at writing fiction, often loosely based on my life. People tend to assume it is 100 percent true . When I was getting divorced, if I…

> I made plans to rent an apartment with some girls from my econ class the following year, but they told me they’d changed their minds when they found out about my older boyfriend. It's definitely no problem to me that people do not want to flat-share with a couple where one partner is 33 y/o and the other in, or shortly after, their "senior year of high school", which if a web search is to be believed usually means…

flat-share with a couple

That's not what was going on. She was making separate living arrangements from him and had already moved out of her parental home and was living in a dorm and going to college.

Their choice could have helped push her into living with him as the easy answer in the face of prejudice making other choices harder for her. This could have helped make her into a victim instead of someone who once dated an older man and broke up with him and apparently had a better-than-average early relationship according to the description she has given.

Re: “Cat Person” and Me

#114

Post by scotty79 »

vkou wrote: post #110
scotty79 wrote: post #102

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Because old people are generally gross? As 42 year old your comment sounds to me like the one that people not wanting to rent a flat with someone that has a black partner is perfectly fine because they might not want to meet that kind of people. Some older men are interested in younger women. And some younger women are interested in older man. Assuming that this automatically means they have character flaws worthy of…

> Because old people are generally gross? No, because a relationship between a teenager and someone in their 30s is seen as 'more likely than not to be exploitative'. I've only known two people who fit that bill, and as a third-party observer, both of them seemed incredibly sleazy and manipulative. I'm sure that there are exceptions, but most people would correctly see that kind of age gap as a huge red flag.

I'd like to see some research to back that claim that over 50% relationships with significant age gap are exploitative.

Unless by more likely that not you mean a bit more likely than average relationship between a doctor and a waitress.

EDIT:

I'm sorry. While rephrasing the claim I changed its meaning. Please disregard my comment.

Re: “Cat Person” and Me

#115

Post by fennecfoxen »

barrkel wrote: post #107
tptacek wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"Fiction" is literally in the word "autofiction". The term means "fictional autobiography". You may have confused it with "roman à clef", which nobody says Cat Person is. We do have a term for "fiction inspired in part by real stories"; it's "fiction".

Fiction isn't the binary you are asserting here. In fact, libelous material is by definition fictional - imputing someone's character by making stuff up. Now I think that this is fiction, but it is definitely skirting the line and the author should probably have changed a few more details.

Libelous material is typically presented as fact.

Re: “Cat Person” and Me

#116

Post by whitehouse3 »

scotty79 wrote: post #114
vkou wrote: post #110

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Because old people are generally gross? No, because a relationship between a teenager and someone in their 30s is seen as 'more likely than not to be exploitative'. I've only known two people who fit that bill, and as a third-party observer, both of them seemed incredibly sleazy and manipulative. I'm sure that there are exceptions, but most people would correctly see that kind of age gap as a huge red flag.

I'd like to see some research to back that claim that over 50% relationships with significant age gap are exploitative. Unless by more likely that not you mean a bit more likely than average relationship between a doctor and a waitress. EDIT: I'm sorry. While rephrasing the claim I changed its meaning. Please disregard my comment.

I think it’s simpler than that: wide age gaps in relationships are rare and thus call attention to themselves. That a culturally significant body of fiction exists to cast negative attention on them (Lolita, American Beauty e.g.) just amplifies the American sense that “this is unusual”. Prejudicial perhaps. But most people choosing where to live and with whom will optimise for familiarity and security. No one is saying we should ban age gaps. Only that they present perceived additional risk once imported from “society in general” to “my living space”.

The usual guidance to “mind your own business” doesn’t really work here because who I live with and where is entirely my business.

Re: “Cat Person” and Me

#117

Post by DoreenMichele »

scotty79 wrote: post #114
vkou wrote: post #110

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Because old people are generally gross? No, because a relationship between a teenager and someone in their 30s is seen as 'more likely than not to be exploitative'. I've only known two people who fit that bill, and as a third-party observer, both of them seemed incredibly sleazy and manipulative. I'm sure that there are exceptions, but most people would correctly see that kind of age gap as a huge red flag.

I'd like to see some research to back that claim that over 50% relationships with significant age gap are exploitative. Unless by more likely that not you mean a bit more likely than average relationship between a doctor and a waitress. EDIT: I'm sorry. While rephrasing the claim I changed its meaning. Please disregard my comment.

because a relationship between a teenager and someone in their 30s is seen as 'more likely than not to be exploitative'.

I'd like to see some research to back that claim that over 50% relationships with significant age gap are exploitative.

These two statements are not identical.

Re: “Cat Person” and Me

#118

Post by darkerside »

DoreenMichele wrote: post #56

To me, the most disturbing part of this is the following section: I made plans to rent an apartment with some girls from my econ class the following year, but they told me they’d changed their minds when they found out about my older boyfriend. I'm a woman and I blog. I have made a stab at writing fiction, often loosely based on my life. People tend to assume it is 100 percent true . When I was getting divorced, if I…

Could it not be the fact that you said he was blond, but the way you said it? If it were described as a positive attribute, all those reactions make a little more sense.

Re: “Cat Person” and Me

#119

Post by scotty79 »

whitehouse3 wrote: post #116
scotty79 wrote: post #114

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'd like to see some research to back that claim that over 50% relationships with significant age gap are exploitative. Unless by more likely that not you mean a bit more likely than average relationship between a doctor and a waitress. EDIT: I'm sorry. While rephrasing the claim I changed its meaning. Please disregard my comment.

I think it’s simpler than that: wide age gaps in relationships are rare and thus call attention to themselves. That a culturally significant body of fiction exists to cast negative attention on them (Lolita, American Beauty e.g.) just amplifies the American sense that “this is unusual”. Prejudicial perhaps. But most people choosing where to live and with whom will optimise for familiarity and security. No one is sayi…

Yeah but you could apply the same exclusions to black people and be rightfully named racist for that.

Re: “Cat Person” and Me

#120

Post by scotty79 »

DoreenMichele wrote: post #117
scotty79 wrote: post #114

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'd like to see some research to back that claim that over 50% relationships with significant age gap are exploitative. Unless by more likely that not you mean a bit more likely than average relationship between a doctor and a waitress. EDIT: I'm sorry. While rephrasing the claim I changed its meaning. Please disregard my comment.

because a relationship between a teenager and someone in their 30s is seen as 'more likely than not to be exploitative'. I'd like to see some research to back that claim that over 50% relationships with significant age gap are exploitative. These two statements are not identical.

So what exactly more likely than not means? I'm not native English speaker.

Or are you referring to the difference "significant age gap" vs "30 year old and teenager"?

If so I conceed. Those kinds of relationships are so incredibly rare among all relationships that I have no idea about the statistics there.

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