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Ask HN: 30 years old with no career

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61–70 of 98 posts

Re: Ask HN: 30 years old with no career

#62
> Or there are conditions I just don't want to put up with anymore so I just walk.

Tech isn't any easier here. In fact, I would say the main marker of success is the ability to resist flipping the table. It's a constant battle and is actually a muscle that you develop.

Re: Ask HN: 30 years old with no career

#63
post #18

One thing to try is talking to a therapist about all this. There are a number of conditions that can lead someone to a life like yours, most of which can be managed with some coping skills.

I'm open to it. Do you do it? Can you give me an example or recommendation? Where I get hung up on therapy is that there's 100 different types. And it's an expensive endeavor to have so much leeway.

Many clinics offer free mental health screenings (also called needs assessments) so you don’t have to get hung up on deciding what ‘type’ of therapy to try—they will interview you and offer a recommendation based on what you’re having trouble with and who at the clinic might be a good fit for your personality. Just call some place in your area that is reputable, or get a recommendation from your GP.

Re: Ask HN: 30 years old with no career

#64

> Or there are conditions I just don't want to put up with anymore so I just walk. Tech isn't any easier here. In fact, I would say the main marker of success is the ability to resist flipping the table. It's a constant battle and is actually a muscle that you develop.

> I would say the main marker of success is the ability to resist flipping the table.

That is a very important point, and one easily overlooked.

Re: Ask HN: 30 years old with no career

#65
post #33

At age 28 I moved cross country, away from the toxic environment where I grew up, I had a high school degree and my work experiences were limited to blue collar work/clerk. I got a crappy entry-level job in an office, enrolled in college part-time, I was making $ 18,100/year at my full-time job, I was paying $500/month in rent, $150/month for a crappy car, and $550/per each college class. I did not qualify for studen…

Are you in a technical role? I'm a business major, been an backend engineer and now manager and debating between a MS in CS and an MBA.

Re: Ask HN: 30 years old with no career

#66
post #18

One thing to try is talking to a therapist about all this. There are a number of conditions that can lead someone to a life like yours, most of which can be managed with some coping skills.

I'm open to it. Do you do it? Can you give me an example or recommendation? Where I get hung up on therapy is that there's 100 different types. And it's an expensive endeavor to have so much leeway.

I think you should start by talking to different people. Therapy without clinical goals is an expensive way to hear yourself talk.

If you want, send me an email.

Re: Ask HN: 30 years old with no career

#67
post #64

> Or there are conditions I just don't want to put up with anymore so I just walk. Tech isn't any easier here. In fact, I would say the main marker of success is the ability to resist flipping the table. It's a constant battle and is actually a muscle that you develop.

> I would say the main marker of success is the ability to resist flipping the table. That is a very important point, and one easily overlooked.

If you have a seat. For the rest of us, sometimes the only way to get a seat at the table is to try and flip the table over.

Re: Ask HN: 30 years old with no career

#68
Hey,

Was a similar situation, i committed to a career and committed to it, started at the bottom in 2013, and as of 2020, made director with 2 levels of managers. Definitely some luck involved here. i hated work, became disinterested quickly - and had spend 9 years in 7 different jobs - software(2), finance (3), non-profit (1), consulting (1). There is no happy job - because it requires great pay, boss, co-workers, company and family. At that point, i decided that i was smart enough to find a new career, and wanted to move to a place that has the most number of the jobs and paid the most in the career i wanted.

i changed my goal to making enough money to retire quickly. i recognized that i am living a dopamine fueled life - going from one hit to another (in all my jobs i was given the toughest projects and i was able to pull it off) - while it can be a strength, the dependence is the problem.

From your background - 1. You are quick at learning 2. Have confidence to take risk

Going forward, identify the main goal that you really care about and focus, finding a new job/career is a by-product. Now, you also must recognize that spending years in a single career and field gets you pay growth. That new career/jobs, which is likely to be a function of the past skills / careers/ jobs, needs to be lucrative, and has great prospects. Talk to people who are already there and find out if it is worthwhile investing 10 years into. And then commit. Learn how to sell your past career as a strength - lots of jobs looking for people who want a "new challenge" or a "change".

You will do well because you have the strengths that are likely to make you successful. Along the way you are likely to make connections and make new friends.

Lots of comments asking you to join tech in some capacity - not a bad idea at all. More important is to commit. Hav known many folks who started learning development and ended up six figure base salaries.

Re: Ask HN: 30 years old with no career

#69

Obnoxious but serious question: are you living in your parents' house? If not, move along, nothing to see here. (read the other comments about getting professional help, therapy, etc). If you are, consider if you're just being complacent because you can be. Make a goal for yourself to move out within 6 months. Figure out what you need to do to live on your own, without free room and board to fall back on. And then st…

"Great Hikes"?

Re: Ask HN: 30 years old with no career

#70
post #37

What if people with experience taught such newbies and used their network to pull them onboard in exchange for 15% of the newbie's paychecks for the first 5 years, enforced by a valid contract? There's clear benefit to all parties and this idea doesn't openly violate the law, although I admit it has a shady smell (a smell of good business?)

What you said was perfect except for everything after “onboard.” Let’s help each other out if we can and not want to get anything in return for it.

Your perfect plan is going to work only for perfect people.
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