251–259 of 259 posts
Volunteer! See if your local animal shelter needs someone to walk dogs, clean cages, or measure out food. Your local food bank probably needs someone to sort donations or make up boxes. You'll be doing something valuable and it's a great way to meet people in a low-stress environment.
Edit: There are also others like it I noted and could hunt up if needed.
Immediately start doing regular volunteer work, anything away from the screens and that'll get you interacting with plenty of people. There's no shortage of demand and the barrier to entry is nil. Here's what will happen: - You will meet many new interesting people. - You will make new friends, raising your chances of meeting your romantic partner. - You will feel very satisfied seeing your work directly benefit some…
I disagree with the no shortage of demand part. The amount of volunteer positions I've been turned down from in my life is pretty mind blowing. Still agree with the general concept.
Edit, from my related commend in another part: Justserve.org can be a good resource for individuals and/or organizations -- all free, it lets them coordinate by location etc. There are others like it I noted and could hunt up if needed.
Immediately start doing regular volunteer work, anything away from the screens and that'll get you interacting with plenty of people. There's no shortage of demand and the barrier to entry is nil. Here's what will happen: - You will meet many new interesting people. - You will make new friends, raising your chances of meeting your romantic partner. - You will feel very satisfied seeing your work directly benefit some…
I disagree with the no shortage of demand part. The amount of volunteer positions I've been turned down from in my life is pretty mind blowing. Still agree with the general concept.
Could be a cultural or geographic difference, but here in Brazil I've never heard of anyone being turned down from a volunteer job unless it required a very specific skillset (e.g. medical/nursing volunteering).
It's definitely not supposed to be like this, but can't really grasp why.
It might have something to do with a lack of overarching common purpose/leadership. Some react to this by becoming religious, embracing the inborn affinity for magical beliefs ("follow God's voice"), but it would be ironic if I tried it.
In the end it seemingly comes down to every man for himself. Good luck.
I'm in your age range and sadly I'm hearing from A LOT of young men that Tinder is really damaging their self esteem (specifically the lack of matches most men get which can feel as bad as getting rejected face to face a thousand times to some men). It's also disgusting that these apps take advantage of vulnerable young men desperate for connection by up-selling them on an endlessly growing list of paid add-ons that…
Most of the time, social networks tend to hurt self esteem. That applies to Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Tinder, Reddit, and even HN to a certain extent (seeing FANG devs can make you feel inadequate). Moderation is key, but if you're having trouble moderating yourself, just get off and get into the real world. People are much better there in my experience. Meeting people in person can be tricky, but that's a whole extra layer of complexity.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Tinder has completely messed up dating in terms of spontaneously meeting people. The only chance normal guys have for dating now is via their friend groups and with girls who don't use Tinder (which is still a surprising percentage in certain circles of 'nerdier' girls)
In my opinion the best bet is to choose an activity and do it. You will naturally socialize with other like minded individuals, have some fun, maybe even learn a useful skill, and you will for certain feel good doing it :) People (generalizing here) are attracted to happy, engaged, healthy people. Attractiveness markers are health markers. If you find yourself with an internal voice telling you you are bad or wrong o…
In my case, when I first got serious about dealing with unbearable loneliness, I went down very dark path of gurus and pickup artists, who basically advocated doing things just for hooking up. I did end up trying a lot of things but not all activities were that interesting to me. It took a long time for me to realize what really interested me and I focused on only those activities which actually made me connect with people at deeper level. However, I was not feeling lonely anymore, so I am not sure if I would have figured out what really interested me if I was still lonely.
I suggest to start off, try a lot of different activities, until you find something that you truly enjoy. Here are a few suggestions,
Outdoors free yoga classes - not indoors. In my experience, people are friendly in outdoors classes but most women don't want to talk to anyone. So don't ruin it by forcing conversation. If anything, make some new guy friends.
Rock climbing - hate to suggest it as rock climbing community is very friendly and don't want it to get ruined by people joining it just for hookups. It is also very good mental and physical exercise.
Dog - Volunteer to take your friends' dogs to dog parks, especially if there is one with good social scene. Girls will start conversations with you. If you do enjoy taking care of a dog, adopt one or start volunteering at your local shelter.
Running - Running is one sports where women outnumber men. Join a local running group. But any sports club would do, crossfit gyms maybe another option.
Some of my thoughts:
1. It's been interesting few months with COVID and many people have been dealing with difficult situations all round, especially around mental health. We've all had more time to reflect how are lives are and the gaps. Know that social media and especially Tinder amplify all these gaps. Also know that Tinder is gamed. Assume many levels of exaggeration and outright lies from whatever pictures and profiles you are seeing. I'm not saying that everything you are seeing is a lie but understand it's not the full picture. So I would suggest stop using the App and others like it. Also, just accept that this is a totally exceptional year and you are not alone with what you are going through.
2. Welcome to the club. We all feel like failures in our life's at some point or another. It doesn't escape anyone regardless of how rich we are or how many friends we have, etc. It comes to us all at one point or another. Accept this for what it is - a desire and a need to change your current self.
3. You have a sense of what would make you more happier. More social interactions. Traveling. Doing more activities with people. Developing more friendships or deeper friendships. Lots of great thoughts on how to do these things. So take baby steps and start doing (exercise, working out, joining activities with others, etc.). Don't throw away what gives you joy in terms of programming and math. Lots of us try to figure out what it is that gives us that joy and you're lucky, you know already. Keep at it but start to take time away from it so you can do other activities. Accept that the feedback loop for going outside your comfort zone isn't going to be quick. Accept that it will take time for you to make changes in your life and it is hard. It's weeks and months and years process. The best thing is you are young and have the time to do it.
If you are goal-oriented and don't already work out regularly or go to the gym, I would highly recommend it. The physical challenge really requires focus and can clear your head and your body is hardwired to find exercising pleasurable. As a goal-oriented activity, it can be easy to quantitatively track your progress, and the physicality means you can't grind at it everyday - you need rest days. Plus, you'll hopefull…
Know any good apps to gamify weight training? Strava really worked for me for running, now I'd like to replicate the experience with strength training.