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Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?

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Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?

#81

Post by ssss11 »

Hey I just wanted to say to watch out with social (FB, Tinder, anywhere people curate their content) as what you see really isn’t reality, people are showing off and it generally makes people feel bad about themselves that isn’t just you. Not to mention dating is hard in itself so no wonder Tinder gives you bad vibes.

I’d focus on getting out a little more with people face to face - try to nurture some good relationships, romance will come don’t rush it.

Be proud of the programming and maths that you love - it’s part of what makes you you.

Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?

#82

Post by CTDOCodebases »

SkyMarshal wrote: post #55
Cyph0n wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> if you are a gamer, immediately stop Hard disagree there. Yes, gaming can be addicting, but that is also the case with basically all habits. If you easily get addicted to games, then I would suggest sticking to shorter single-player games. I would add reading (fiction or non-programming books) and traveling to the list of things to spend more time and money on.

Gaming can have positive and negative effects. On the positive side, it can sometimes provide people with a needed social outlet, at least if it's an online social game. It can also sometimes stimulate a mind that's depressed and lethargic, giving it a much needed jump-start so to speak which carries over into other productive tasks. Conversely, it can get you addicted to and dependent on quick and easy dopamine hits…

10 "Reality sucks Im going to escape it via gaming."

20 "Gaming is fun but it isn't improving my reality."

30 "Improving my reality doesn't feel fun at all."

40 GOTO 10

This cycle was all too real for me. But like you said it is neither positive or negative. It depends entirely on the individual.

Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?

#83

Post by _f9cu »

CTDOCodebases wrote: post #82
SkyMarshal wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Gaming can have positive and negative effects. On the positive side, it can sometimes provide people with a needed social outlet, at least if it's an online social game. It can also sometimes stimulate a mind that's depressed and lethargic, giving it a much needed jump-start so to speak which carries over into other productive tasks. Conversely, it can get you addicted to and dependent on quick and easy dopamine hits…

10 "Reality sucks Im going to escape it via gaming." 20 "Gaming is fun but it isn't improving my reality." 30 "Improving my reality doesn't feel fun at all." 40 GOTO 10 This cycle was all too real for me. But like you said it is neither positive or negative. It depends entirely on the individual.

Nope. Reality sucks - then step forward and face it.

Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?

#86

Post by barcoder »

Here's my list of actions you can do right away to break yourself out of torturous loops.

1. If you're stuck in a thought loop walk into another room (or even better go for a walk in nature).

2. Write a stream of consciousness every morning. Force yourself to write three or more pages (keep this writing hidden and secret, it's scary what comes out, especially at first).

3. Take cold showers. You can start warm, but aim to have a two minute cold shower. Or even better going swimming in cold water everyday.

---

A book I can highly recommend is The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. Lemme know if you want a copy.

Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?

#87

Post by MeinBlutIstBlau »

lhorie wrote: post #37

Tinder is like Instagram, everyone is incentivized to fake or exaggerate how nice their life is. Honestly, the best remedy is find new hobbies. Some people mentioned sports/martial arts and religion/spiritualism, those are all fine options, and there are many more: cooking, gardening, biking, music classes, adopting a puppy, etc. "Being a loser" is just a perception. Unlike what society might lead you to believe, nob…

Most guys don't know how to game their profiles. While I didn't match with like 7s-10s, I certainly matched, talked to, and met up with many women. Unfortunately in my area a lot of women who are single in their mid 20's typically have a kid, aren't very attractive, or are just very odd that most guys don't want to be with them.

But ultimately OP needs to get off Tinder not because it's bad for his self esteem. Mostly because he probably doesn't even have the appropriate aptitude to date at this time. Also, do not go into dating because you don't want to be lonely. Girls want to be your anchor, not the other way around. The cultural stereotypes of "the 'ol ball n chain" exist because the people who actually are in relationships understand this social dynamic. It's the people that aren't that don't.

Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?

#88

Post by brailsafe »

mymanz wrote: post #6

I was quite literally obsessed with programming. I would wake up in the morning, program all day, go to sleep, and repeat it the next day. This earned me many accolades in college and a great job afterward. But, like you, if I paused for a moment to reflect, I felt so incredibly empty and alone. The programming increasingly became an escapist activity to avoid these feelings. Then one day my old high school friend, w…

One of the tricky things about this from my own perspective, after having stopped giving a shit about web dev and to a lesser extent programming, is how do you continue to give enough of a shit to actually do a job? It's almost all worthless trash advertising or pointless middlemen products. How do you rebuild after realizing that it's just not worth the intense energy it sometimes requires?
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