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Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?

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Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?

#71

Post by D13Fd »

booleandilemma wrote: post #63

Unpopular opinion: I’ll start by assuming you’re in a first world country as Tinder is a first world dating app. Drop tinder immediately and forget about dating women from your country. Something happened over the past 50 or so years and first world women’s standards have become unrealistically high. Maybe it was social media, or dating apps, who knows, but the fact is, the majority of them have adopted this “impress…

> Something happened over the past 50 or so years

That's a huge span of time. I may be incorrect, but I believe many couples in first-world countries have met, married, and lived happily in those 50 years without the need for anyone to aim for a "sincere woman from overseas."

Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?

#72

Post by nomdep »

nyanpasu64 wrote: post #43
mymanz wrote: post #6

I was quite literally obsessed with programming. I would wake up in the morning, program all day, go to sleep, and repeat it the next day. This earned me many accolades in college and a great job afterward. But, like you, if I paused for a moment to reflect, I felt so incredibly empty and alone. The programming increasingly became an escapist activity to avoid these feelings. Then one day my old high school friend, w…

> sincerely evaluate your style of dress (do you give off a feminine-milquetoast or masculine vibe) visit Reddit, etc for ideas Are you making a value judgment on which style is right and wrong?

None are “right” or “wrong”. It’s about being “effective” at projecting the image one is striving for.

Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?

#73

Post by tmsh »

I got really lucky with match.com.

Sometimes math and programming can be a bit harsh too. I really feel like reading anything - People magazine, novels, poetry - whatever vaguely might interest you a bit, can be fun. Let yourself indulge without judgement.

Erikson talks about your age involving 'intimacy v. isolation' - and you're just at the start of this stage. It gets better, and easier, more so when coming out of deep valleys.

I've had people in my life very prone to depression, and a lot of it has to do with being really smart and feeling things keenly. It's attached to your super powers, but it's so important to figure out ways to balance things out (more breadth-first search, less depth-first search, wherever possible).

Take care, man. It was an unusual past year. With unusual fallouts. I hope you take it easy on yourself, and try out fun little things that grow.

Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?

#74

Post by haswell »

mymanz wrote: post #6

I was quite literally obsessed with programming. I would wake up in the morning, program all day, go to sleep, and repeat it the next day. This earned me many accolades in college and a great job afterward. But, like you, if I paused for a moment to reflect, I felt so incredibly empty and alone. The programming increasingly became an escapist activity to avoid these feelings. Then one day my old high school friend, w…

I’d like to slightly counter the enthusiastic responses to this comment.

First, I do think there’s value to much of what you’re saying.

With that said, if time spent writing code is becoming an escapist activity, and if one is escaping from sufficiently dark demons, consider speaking with a therapist as well.

I realize this will not apply to all readers, but the trouble with this advice starts if there is depression involved. “Just be more positive”, “Just stop doing the things that currently make you feel safe and a bit more ok”.

Until you address the root cause, it’s going to be difficult to implement these changes effectively.

And if you do, you might find a happy medium (I’m getting closer every day), where programming or gaming is just a thing I love (and continue to do), and not something I have to use to escape.

Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?

#75

Post by pcbro141 »

pcbro141 wrote: post #14

I'm in your age range and sadly I'm hearing from A LOT of young men that Tinder is really damaging their self esteem (specifically the lack of matches most men get which can feel as bad as getting rejected face to face a thousand times to some men). It's also disgusting that these apps take advantage of vulnerable young men desperate for connection by up-selling them on an endlessly growing list of paid add-ons that…

^And 1 hour after I write this comment, a woman from online dating who I arranged to meet just stood me up, no response well past our agreed meeting time :)

We're not alone buddy, many men are experiencing the same frustrations with the humiliating/degrading jester routine of online dating, it's just that men suffer in silence in this society so it doesn't get talked about a lot. Online dating is filled with a lot of BS games like this, especially for men.

Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?

#77

Post by themoonbus »

booleandilemma wrote: post #63

Unpopular opinion: I’ll start by assuming you’re in a first world country as Tinder is a first world dating app. Drop tinder immediately and forget about dating women from your country. Something happened over the past 50 or so years and first world women’s standards have become unrealistically high. Maybe it was social media, or dating apps, who knows, but the fact is, the majority of them have adopted this “impress…

Maybe this is an unpopular opinion because it is misogynistic garble. I think you should spend less time giving advice and more taking it.

Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?

#78

Post by grecy »

When I was 27 I felt similar in a way to what you do now - I was not excited about sitting at a desk or staring at a screen and didn't want that for the rest of my life.

My biggest advice for you is to not be afraid of your job. There are always more jobs, and given how smart you are, you won't have much problem getting one. Save up a little money ($5k or $10k) and quit your job. DO something entirely different.

I'd only seen snow twice in my life when I showed up at a ski resort to start working there - I got a job as a lift operator (helping people get on the chair lifts). I LOVED it. Outside every day. Super fun (and crazy) people to work with. Virtually no money, but lots of fun.

Years later I became a snowboard instructor, ski patroller, kayak guide and other random things. When I'm low on money I can go back to development, but I try to avoid that if possible ;)

So don't be afraid of your job, and anyone that tells you that you should be isn't really worth listening to.

Make some changes, do something different, see what happens. Life is an adventure, so start having them!

Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?

#79

Post by SirensOfTitan »

From Robert Anton Wilson: “ under the present brutal and primitive conditions on this planet, every person you meet should be regarded as one of the walking wounded. we have never seen a man or woman not slightly deranged by either anxiety or grief. we have never seen a totally sane human being”

...you get a little older, and you realize everyone’s struggling in their own unique way, and trying to hide it. Social media distorts things even more. No one is living that perfect life you think they are. No one. Not a single one.

I worked for Facebook for a while and the only social media account I have left is Facebook, and only to keep in touch with my friends from Facebook. I deleted Instagram, I never used Tiktok or WhatsApp, I met my wife in real life.

Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?

#80

Post by booleandilemma »

themoonbus wrote: post #77
booleandilemma wrote: post #63

Unpopular opinion: I’ll start by assuming you’re in a first world country as Tinder is a first world dating app. Drop tinder immediately and forget about dating women from your country. Something happened over the past 50 or so years and first world women’s standards have become unrealistically high. Maybe it was social media, or dating apps, who knows, but the fact is, the majority of them have adopted this “impress…

Maybe this is an unpopular opinion because it is misogynistic garble. I think you should spend less time giving advice and more taking it.

I know the truth can be hard to hear sometimes and it’s easy to resort to labels and name calling.

I’m just suggesting the OP value himself, and find someone who values him. There’s nothing misogynistic about that.

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