You fell into the trap most nerds do -- you focused only on intellectual interests, and neglected other aspects of life. The good news is that you're very young, and have so much time ahead of you still. You just have to have to from now on go all in into making yourself a better, more interesting person to other people, so you can make some friends, get laid and all the rest. Go to the gym, get a nice body. Practice…
Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?
31–40 of 259 posts
Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?
#32If I can be perfectly honest, you seem to have no concept of what suffering actually is. It’s likely that near you there are people living in tents covered in their own filth suffering from physical and psychological torture because of how fundamentally incompetent we all are at resolving basic structural problems in our society. Things can always get worse, count your blessings.
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is walking a difficult path.”
Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?
#33> Seeing in the profile pictures what "normal", "well-rounded" people in my age are doing on Tinder, such as traveling, spending time with friends, etc., made my pain even worse, let alone the fact that I received zero matches. Feeling like a social outcast, and having an even stronger urge now in taking my own life - a decision I contemplated many times - ... I just feel very lost in life. I know that I'm a complete failure in life.
Who cares about what the average person on Tinder is up to? Nobody has actually outcasted you, but you may feel different from others because you are - learn to be proud of thinking different and being an outlier. You are not lost, probably bored. There's no such thing as failing life because there is no test. Keep programming and doing what you love. Keep playing the numbers game of Tinder, maybe you will get matched soon with someone who will enjoy listening to you talk about your passion. No matter what you do, don't give up. If you were ready to take your life, why not instead do something bold, spontaneous, exciting? Enjoy the life given to you.
Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?
#34What you're experiencing is normal. The good thing about getting older is that you often relax into this stuff a lot more, when it's not so new anymore. Life is long, not always fun, and very rarely clear. Seek out and be around people older than you, even if it's in silence. Oh yeah, and try to study up on meditation- figure out what it really means to you, then do that.
Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?
#35I didn't get to travel internationally until I was like 26.don't worry about what other people are doing and when
Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?
#36Don't be sad about it it. Once you break out of it, you'd find the way on your own.
Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?
#37Tinder is like Instagram, everyone is incentivized to fake or exaggerate how nice their life is.
Honestly, the best remedy is find new hobbies. Some people mentioned sports/martial arts and religion/spiritualism, those are all fine options, and there are many more: cooking, gardening, biking, music classes, adopting a puppy, etc.
"Being a loser" is just a perception. Unlike what society might lead you to believe, nobody gets to decide that you're a "loser" based on some arbitrary metric.
You sound like you're into programming so obviously there are things that bring you joy. You just may not have found other joyful activities yet, so just go out there and try new things.
Life is too good of an opportunity to waste with suicide
Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?
#38> Feeling like a social outcast, and having an even stronger urge now in taking my own life - a decision I contemplated many times - ... I just feel very lost in life. I know that I'm a complete failure in life. There's a stigma around mental health, but I would highly suggest going to a therapist/psychiatrist. That might be mild depression.
I was literally just going to comment this. If you're having suicidal thoughts, you need to see someone or do telehealth. There are providers who you can contact remotely. There is no reason to feel ashamed about contacting a therapist/psychiatrist. They really do help. I can speak from experience. If you have medical insurance, look at their website for a provider. If you don't, take a look here: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/help-yourself/
Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?
#39I was quite literally obsessed with programming. I would wake up in the morning, program all day, go to sleep, and repeat it the next day. This earned me many accolades in college and a great job afterward. But, like you, if I paused for a moment to reflect, I felt so incredibly empty and alone. The programming increasingly became an escapist activity to avoid these feelings. Then one day my old high school friend, w…
> if you are a gamer, immediately stop
Hard disagree there. Yes, gaming can be addicting, but that is also the case with basically all habits. If you easily get addicted to games, then I would suggest sticking to shorter single-player games.
I would add reading (fiction or non-programming books) and traveling to the list of things to spend more time and money on.
Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?
#40I was quite literally obsessed with programming. I would wake up in the morning, program all day, go to sleep, and repeat it the next day. This earned me many accolades in college and a great job afterward. But, like you, if I paused for a moment to reflect, I felt so incredibly empty and alone. The programming increasingly became an escapist activity to avoid these feelings. Then one day my old high school friend, w…
Good advice.
People can definitely fall into the intellectual pit. They then abuse intellectual pursuits to distance themselves from reality. Fake challenges, fake problems, fake solutions, fake progress. If they later reconnect with reality, they discover they can use their intellect and physicality to solve real problems for real people. Along the way they connect to those real people and the very much broader reality in general. Often resulting in interesting stories to tell as well.
None of this is actually anti-intellectual or anti-programming.