Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?

Life is much more than brain. It's also heart, and creating your story. (You don't want someone else doing that.) Finding friends means getting away from the keyboard, the books. IME, the fact that an algorithm found zero matches is kind of funny. Code doesn't know life exists. Often in life our bestest mates are -unlike us-. Usually smarter in other ways too.

Inspiration? Meh. If it comes, it comes. Whaddya got to prove? Life only has one deadline. Lots of people take a stretch before pressing on. Read about E.B. White yesterday. Bucky Fuller the day before that.

Travel. The world is HUGE. Wish I'd done more of that. You may find a culture you can relate to more. There are always people to know, everywhere - give them a chance. Seek and ye shall find.

Best of luck and hang on! So many times I've felt like "a complete failure in life", (and who knows, maybe I am!), but I keep trying!

I've lost a few friends to suicide and can tell you they all had so much potential, and they all put too much emphasis on their failures and didn't have a realistic idea of how much they made the world a better place—even when they were "failing"—because they were trying something new and making mistakes and exploring some of the design space of our universe. If you are feeling so down, I bet you have taken chances in life that didn't pan out, and I thank you, because we need people like you to push the world in new directions. Don't feel bad about any shortcomings you've had. Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want. Sometimes you just need to hang on, let your body and mind catch it's breadth, and you will come back better than ever.

> words of wisdom

After 37 years, I don't think anyone knows anything about anything.

Figuring out what you want is a process and takes time (https://breckyunits.com/what-i-want.html).

I'm a big believer in wearables. Things like FitBits and Levels CGM. So much of our mental moods are tied to what is going on in our bodies. The best psychiatrists in the world will be replaced by $200 of wearables within 20 years.

My life didn't start until I was 34.

The only regrets I have in life were the times I wasn't kind. (Note: by kind I don't mean nice—I've found being part asshole/competitive on the field to be important to do good work).

> "normal"

I've never found trying to be normal to be a stable place for me. You might find that what is important to you is not important to 99.9% of people. So you may need to meet a lot of people before you build up a big enough tribe. Finding constructive subreddits for my interests was helpful for me.

The world needs you! You sound like the type whose big wins will be in the long term!

What was the big move? Little did I know it back then, but the solution has many parallels with non-convex optimization: I got the heck out of the local minimum I was stuck in life - moved continents, changed careers, changed the people in my life, changed the culture around me.

Concretely, I went to grad school abroad and settled there. It took adjusting and lots of work, but I now make multiples of my previous salary, dated beautiful women I never would have in my local culture and had a choice of awesome people to become my close friends.

You might be stuck in a local minimum too - starting anew can be good for you if you manage to do it. Maybe you won't even need to go to a new continent, but the lesson is, make big changes!

Everyone is different and I think you should focus on what makes you happy rather than comparing yourself with random stranger on tinder.

Personally, if I were you, I'd join a meetup and try to meet other people sharing my interests. It's also a great way to meet a partner (through friends of friends).

The good news is that you're very young, and have so much time ahead of you still. You just have to have to from now on go all in into making yourself a better, more interesting person to other people, so you can make some friends, get laid and all the rest.

Go to the gym, get a nice body. Practice some sports. Read non-technical books. Get a dog, take it to the park. Go to a club, hit on some chicks, hear a lot of no's. Make some friends, develop some social skills. Learn to dress well, shower daily, get a nice haircut, invest in beauty products. Travel, even if alone. Make some money.

Forget what you can't change about yourself and focus on what you can. Just my two cents.