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A lesson on the importance of encouraging your children with their projects

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Re: A lesson on the importance of encouraging your children with their projects

#71
post #50

This guy thinks his kid is cute, because it's his kid, but I don't like the part where he deliberately irritates everyone in the hardware store. I don't think your kid is cute, so please keep it out of my way.

I wonder how people like you expect kids to learn how to socialise appropriately if they must be kept out of the way all the time.

Re: A lesson on the importance of encouraging your children with their projects

#73
post #55

Typical enterprise developer: 1. User knows exactly what he wants. 2. User can only express that in his own language. 3. Data flow diagrams, best practices, structured design, etc. 4. Dev still doesn't know what user wants but builds anyway. 5. 2 years later, project scrapped. Scott Nesin: 1. User knows exactly what he wants. 2. User can only express that in his own language. 3. Developer patiently encourages user to…

Feeling potential for a new buzzword-methodology in this. It's common sense, but not so common that you can't charge for workshops/talks/certifications.

The only thing you need now is a good, substantial name that evokes a mechanical and engineering process, like "User Language Oriented Design".

Re: A lesson on the importance of encouraging your children with their projects

#74
post #55

Typical enterprise developer: 1. User knows exactly what he wants. 2. User can only express that in his own language. 3. Data flow diagrams, best practices, structured design, etc. 4. Dev still doesn't know what user wants but builds anyway. 5. 2 years later, project scrapped. Scott Nesin: 1. User knows exactly what he wants. 2. User can only express that in his own language. 3. Developer patiently encourages user to…

It is a rare developer who can handle the Nesin step 3. It requires an empathy that doesn't come naturally to many engineers. However, when cultivated, that empathy makes for phenomenal developers. When I manage development teams, that is the number one trait I manage for. With empathy, all other problems can be solved.

Re: A lesson on the importance of encouraging your children with their projects

#75

This story has a great moral, and from a younger-person's standpoint, I think it's something every parent should consider: enable, and don't obligate. Encouragement itself is a dangerous path, since it can lead to an unhealthy zeal and interest. Unless you're parenting in an unique way, parents usually are seen as an authority figure by the kids. Because of this, over-encouragement could be seen as forcefulness, and…

I also see this as an aversion to being manipulated. People (kids, adults) definitely react in different ways to this, it's why you have to be careful about generalized advice. Some kids would flourish being "pushed" into something, others experience an almost allergic reaction to seemingly blunt manipulation and obligation. The exact way parents and coaches reward and encourage the kid also matters, and matters diff…

it's why you have to be careful about generalized advice

This is so true. There is no generalized advice that will work for all parent/children combinations. Every child is different and will require different inputs to affect optimal outputs.

Having said that, I will give one piece of generalized advice: know your kids. Notice my advice is on how a parent should behave, not the child. :) Really spend time with your kid(s) and learn how they tick. Only by doing that can you hope to understand how to help them achieve their potential.

Re: A lesson on the importance of encouraging your children with their projects

#76
post #34
post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm not trying to be pedantic, but that is a book, not a study. I've seen multiple studies that show parents who withhold praise raise higher achievers (personally, I don't like that, but none the less - the studies do exist)

I thought the latest was to praise effort, not achievements. Praising achievements might induce self-consciousness and make kids not try very hard.

Yes. And the latest, well supported by research -- see Carol Dweck, Mindset.

Re: A lesson on the importance of encouraging your children with their projects

#77

This sort of story makes me sad. We don't have a tree house, we don't even have a tree. We don't have money to spend at the DIY store to keep the house in shape never mind making checkers boards for fun. I thought I was getting pretty good at quenching the covetousness that society seemed to have imbued me with but when one realises that stuff is needed for many uplifting experiences. Realising the great joy certain…

We don't have a tree house, or a tree, either. The lesson I've learned from having two boys on one grad student's stipend is that they would almost always play with an empty milk jug than some plastic toy from Kids'R'Us. We have a bunch of big old fancy plastic toys people gave us and the boys have spent a total of about 10 minutes looking at them. How long have they spent building towers from old cardboard boxes and knocking them down? I haven't counted, but it's a long time.

Re: A lesson on the importance of encouraging your children with their projects

#78
post #69
post #55

Typical enterprise developer: 1. User knows exactly what he wants. 2. User can only express that in his own language. 3. Data flow diagrams, best practices, structured design, etc. 4. Dev still doesn't know what user wants but builds anyway. 5. 2 years later, project scrapped. Scott Nesin: 1. User knows exactly what he wants. 2. User can only express that in his own language. 3. Developer patiently encourages user to…

Moral of the story: Scott Nesin should be in charge of all Enterprise Development Projects from here on out. :)

Moral of the story: have engineers only work on projects from clients who are related. Nepotism facilitates communication!

Re: A lesson on the importance of encouraging your children with their projects

#79
post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Guy's checkers table was no more a "project for boys" than a project for your daughter (or, better yet, by your daughter) would be a "project for girls". The thing I took away from the OP was to support your children in whatever they do, regardless of whether they want to have tea parties with their friends or climb trees or hack the NSA. Well, OK, maybe not that last one.

My son keeps asking me about how to "hack computers" and I'm pretty sure that's what he's on about. I keep telling him about how to program. Eventually I hope it will click.

The 10-yr-old son of a friend of mine got into programming after asking me how to set up a game server. Introduced him to basic networking via the router config, explained how the internet worked and from there he got interested in how games are made. I think we all have our own stories about what compelled us to dig deeper.

Re: A lesson on the importance of encouraging your children with their projects

#80
post #34
post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm not trying to be pedantic, but that is a book, not a study. I've seen multiple studies that show parents who withhold praise raise higher achievers (personally, I don't like that, but none the less - the studies do exist)

I thought the latest was to praise effort, not achievements. Praising achievements might induce self-consciousness and make kids not try very hard.

My achievement (rather than effort) was praised. I certainly wish it had been the other way around - I think that would have led to much better work habits, willingness to push through tedious/boring work, etc.
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