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Ask HN: How did you overcome misanthropy?

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Re: Ask HN: How did you overcome misanthropy?

#12

Post by hyperpallium2 »

You seem already aware that your "overly critical" attitude is somehow mismatched with what you do value. That's the hard part. "Successful people are good at working with others" - i.e. there's something valuable and worthwhile about others, or why work with them?

Many people will push you around if they can, like opportunistic bullies. It's similar to brownian motion, with people filling any gap you leave (like if when waiting to turn when driving, you are too hesitant, many people won't let you in). Is it rudeness, or just human flocking behaviour? The answer is to take up the space that is yours. This is a better defence than misanthropy.

Being bullied for years can distort you own natural flocking behaviour.

Some people are smarter than you, know something you don't, or have experiences/perspective to see something you haven't. By not noticing this in others, you miss out on all that valuable stuff.

Re: Ask HN: How did you overcome misanthropy?

#16

Post by andrei_says_ »

Know it is not personally yours but likely a part of your culture.

It may take discipline to reword the habits of it.

One practice is to voice an appreciation 1 something you genuinely liked - about every interaction, experience, person.

It’s basically a habit of perspective.

Habitualize different perspectives.

Very mechanical - the mind is a mechanical thing.

Re: Ask HN: How did you overcome misanthropy?

#17

Post by seph-reed »

I moved out to the woods. Whenever I go back to populated areas, I kind of enjoy people for a while. Eventually, I start to get irritated with them, and then it's time to go back to the woods.

I think "hating humanity" is a lot like "hating being inside." You feel trapped and hate having to deal with it, but once you get away for a while it's not so bad.

Re: Ask HN: How did you overcome misanthropy?

#18

Post by runawaybottle »

giantg2 wrote: post #8

Plenty of valid reasons to be a misanthrope, in my opinion. General distrust of people can be valuable, and my experiences have reinforced it.

I mostly embraced my misanthropy as time goes on. I’m seeing little evidence to the contrary. Trumpers, woke culture, influencers, ccp, etc. It’s fine, don’t fight it. People in groups are kind of disappointing, so I usually look for individuals that are worth a shit (but even there, certainly not bending over backwards).

Re: Ask HN: How did you overcome misanthropy?

#19

Post by France_is_bacon »

It is very difficult thing to do. There are very excellent and very real completely logical reasons to be misanthropic.

However, I think that the only thing that ever countered it for me is when I hung out with groups of people with great attitudes.

For example, I joined a hiking group, and we went out and hiked twice a week. I noticed that the people there were upbeat, because going out to hike in nature seemed to attract people who are upbeat. I so much enjoyed those hikes years ago.

Then last year I joined a tech group that was very personal and everyone knew each other and very helpful and friendly.

But I have also joined groups that suck and I hated them and everyone in them.

So my solution to you is to go to a lot of group meetings and find one whose people you like. Don't stay at groups you don't click with, that is folly.

If there are no groups around, start one of your own. Advertise on meetup.com, craigslist, etc.

And, it is an "in person" kind of thing, not done over social media. Nobody should be allowed to fuck with their smart phones should be a rule - you have to interact with each other.

But, you have to make the effort. It's work. But it is rewarding, if you end up with a group of people that you like.

Also, constant and consistent vigorous exercise helps a lot. Exercise releases all kinds of chemicals - endorphins, dopamine, etc and it makes you feel better about yourself and others. And when you are in great shape, other people get a second sense that you are physically in shape and you let off some kind of pheramones or whatever, maybe have micro-non-verbal communications that let people know, and they like you more.

That's probably why hiking groups are the best. Everyone's endorphins are being released at the same time and it creates a feedback loop within the group, and everyone gets along. This isn't a guarantee, just more statistically likely, I think.

Good luck.

Re: Ask HN: How did you overcome misanthropy?

#20

Post by Balduran »

Moving is the only the solution.

I’m also from an EU country, and I was living in a city where no kind of innovation is possible.

I moved to the capital, and started working for a startup and later a multinational company. Maybe it’s not Silicon Valley but there is enough innovation to make the people more opened to risk and opportunities.

People there is much more professional, have more resources, and don’t worry about you (no “little town” mentality).

I have learned more (from others) in half the time in the capital than in my original city. There are issues when living in a big city but it’s worth it for me.

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