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Doing something is better than doing nothing for most people: study (2014)

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Re: Doing something is better than doing nothing for most people: study (2014)

#151

Post by Izkata »

WJW wrote: post #77
MeinBlutIstBlau wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's really fascinating to me as well that a lot of men would be that way. I understand "why" but for myself personally I can entertain my own thoughts alone for an extended period time. I've always been that way since I was young so the thought of shocking yourself because you're bored with your own thoughts still is an odd concept to me. How can you despise your own inner monologue that much? Is introspection reall…

I would also be really interested in a repeat of the experiment but with differing age groups. My hypothesis is that younger men would perhaps find it "manly" to suffer electric shocks (perhaps even if just as a bar story for later) while older people would not feel the need for such activities anymore.

Also, erotic electro-stimulation (e-stim) is a thing. It doesn't surprise me at all that some people just be curious about shocks in general, considering there are people out there that do it for fun/pleasure.

Re: Doing something is better than doing nothing for most people: study (2014)

#152

Post by haswell »

syops wrote: post #150
mijowi wrote: post #146

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What kinks do you think are unhealthy? I’d wager that truly unhealthy kinks are uncommon.

Virtually all sex acts can be done in a healthy way provided both parties are truly into it. Porn has created expectations in men as to what women normally want and as a result a lot of women do sex acts that they don't truly like. Porn has distorted the view of what is 'normal' and the expectations of what a woman should consent to.

The parent comment asks for specifics, but you go back to generalizing porn in response.

> Porn has distorted the view of what is ‘normal’

Surely you mean some porn, but you have not clarified which types. What do you say to plain, “vanilla” porn that pushes no boundaries? As with so many things, this is not a black or white issue, and statements like your final sentence do nothing to advance a nuanced conversation about the subject.

Re: Doing something is better than doing nothing for most people: study (2014)

#153

Post by reshie »

syops wrote: post #150
mijowi wrote: post #146

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What kinks do you think are unhealthy? I’d wager that truly unhealthy kinks are uncommon.

Virtually all sex acts can be done in a healthy way provided both parties are truly into it. Porn has created expectations in men as to what women normally want and as a result a lot of women do sex acts that they don't truly like. Porn has distorted the view of what is 'normal' and the expectations of what a woman should consent to.

expectations is perhaps a personality problem and lack of honest communication. normal is subjective even if it is inherited from societal norms. communication and being able to talk freely is key.

Re: Doing something is better than doing nothing for most people: study (2014)

#154

Post by haswell »

r0b05 wrote: post #113
beebeepka wrote: post #112

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Preaching posts like yours are more dangerous than whatever excess porn consumption may do to people's brains.

I don't expect everyone to get it but if my insight helps a few people then it's worth sharing.

What insight, specifically? You make big claims with no citation, and when asked for more info, you dismiss those questions. If you’re interested in helping others understand the insights you claim to have, bring some details to the table!

I’m pretty curious about the topic, and this is an inquisitive community in general. Unfortunately, the way you’ve presented your position is not helpful, especially for a group that tends to demand scientific proof or at least a well formed hypothesis.

Re: Doing something is better than doing nothing for most people: study (2014)

#155

Post by astrange »

Jeff_Brown wrote: post #39
dQw4w9WgXcQ wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>substituting titillations for profound organic satisfactions, cleverness for wisdom, and jagged surprises for beauty... ...And porn for relationships and intimacy. If there's any modern ill that has exacerbated our inability to be comfortable with boredom (which is essentially inner loneliness) it's porn. It's an escape for loneliness and a terrible salve that leaves the intrinsic desires for intimacy and connection…

> [porn is] akin to drinking salt water to cure thirst. That's an exceptionally beautiful analogy.

Hmm, but drinking water with electrolytes (including moderate salt) is more refreshing than filtered water.

Re: Doing something is better than doing nothing for most people: study (2014)

#156

Post by TuringNYC »

r0b05 wrote: post #93
gwgundersen wrote: post #24

Ever since reading Bertrand Russell's "The Conquest of Happiness", I've thought a lot about the importance of being able to sit inside my own head. One quote that I wrote down: > A life too full of excitement is an exhausting life, in which continually stronger stimuli are needed to give the thrill that has come to be thought an essential part of pleasure. A person accustomed to too much excitement is like a person w…

This is a profound realisation that is usually preceded by experiencing the sickness and suffering that comes with unrestrained desire. How it takes over one's discriminating faculties until one becomes blind to everyday beauty. I cannot recommend meditation enough to train the mind to stay calm when desires want to run rampant. No mantras or music, just sit in silence and boredom. Thoughts will come and go and event…

Mindfulness came to mind for me specifically. I used to jump from work to coffee meetings to fancy restaurant dinners out with both clients and friends to meet-ups at NY's Meatpacking District...to deeply enjoying the feeling of just sitting in a nature preserve, smelling sap, listening to birds, and breathing in the entire environment. (a benefit of taking a job in the burbs.)

Before the lockdown, I did an experiment where I either walked (through a forest path) to work everyday or biked leisurely to work (also thru a forest path.) [I realize having the ability to do that is itself a blessing.] In winters, the walk was difficult (ice, elements, frozen mud) but it came to a point where the morning and evening "commutes" were the best part of my day. I would even take detours to more remote benches to clear my mind.

I was incredibly productive at work throughout this 18month experiment, until lockdown.

I captured some of this on Strava if anyone is curious: https://www.strava.com/activities/3211639111

Re: Doing something is better than doing nothing for most people: study (2014)

#157

Post by JackFr »

pault wrote: post #103
syops wrote: post #95

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There's been a bit of research into the destructive aspects of porn watching. Porn has normalized a number of sexual behaviors that were not common in the past. This is especially so for behaviors that are degrading to the woman. What's interesting about your comment though is that you accuse OP of over generalization whilst using your singular anecdotal experience in what I think can best be described as a example o…

To be fair, some people of all genders get their kicks from being sexually dominated. The issue is knowing where the other person’s limits are and having good communication. This becomes a problem when people find discussing their sexual preferences embarrassing, even with their partners. My sex life improved greatly when I started asking my partners if they have any fantasies and exploring them together. Sometimes p…

It’s possible though as a society we’ve lost the idea of a disordered desire. If you’ve got an authentic desire to be sexually dominated or to humiliate and dominate others, we now say “That’s ok, that’s your authentic self. It’s cool as long as everything is consensual.”

But maybe it’s not OK. Maybe it’s behavior that if indulged keeps us from living and thriving and keeps us from being our best selves.

I’m not making a moral argument here — at least I don’t think I am. Just that it might not be healthy to indulge every desire we may have. And when desires are far outside the norm, it’s worth it to be circumspect about them.

Re: Doing something is better than doing nothing for most people: study (2014)

#158

Post by haswell »

Spooky23 wrote: post #138
beebeepka wrote: post #127

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Apparently everyone is exactly the same and the only people whose lives haven't been ruined buy these vices, as you call them, are the ones who haven't tried them. I am done here

Not sure why you have a hang up about this. I enjoy drinking alcohol and have no issues with it, but that doesn’t mean acknowledging that alcoholism is a thing is a problem or some judgemental act.

The potential downsides associated alcohol consumption are well understood, and this understanding has permeated most societies.

The same cannot be said for porn consumption. While studies exist, this is not a well understood topic, and big claims are going to be met with skepticism and demands for evidence.

Re: Doing something is better than doing nothing for most people: study (2014)

#159

Post by syops »

haswell wrote: post #152
syops wrote: post #150

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Virtually all sex acts can be done in a healthy way provided both parties are truly into it. Porn has created expectations in men as to what women normally want and as a result a lot of women do sex acts that they don't truly like. Porn has distorted the view of what is 'normal' and the expectations of what a woman should consent to.

The parent comment asks for specifics, but you go back to generalizing porn in response. > Porn has distorted the view of what is ‘normal’ Surely you mean some porn, but you have not clarified which types. What do you say to plain, “vanilla” porn that pushes no boundaries? As with so many things, this is not a black or white issue, and statements like your final sentence do nothing to advance a nuanced conversation a…

It's easy to find research on the topic. The research supports my view.

Re: Doing something is better than doing nothing for most people: study (2014)

#160

Post by haswell »

syops wrote: post #159
haswell wrote: post #152

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The parent comment asks for specifics, but you go back to generalizing porn in response. > Porn has distorted the view of what is ‘normal’ Surely you mean some porn, but you have not clarified which types. What do you say to plain, “vanilla” porn that pushes no boundaries? As with so many things, this is not a black or white issue, and statements like your final sentence do nothing to advance a nuanced conversation a…

It's easy to find research on the topic. The research supports my view.

So share the research that supports your view…

As the person making claims without evidence, the onus is on you at this point. You’re not going to change minds if you’re not willing to share where you’re coming from.

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