I find it funny that english sometimes uses german words. But "exfreund" actually implies a sexual relationship, just saying.
Fair trade for the German word for mobile phone: “handy”, which certainly has more than one meaning in English ;)
Rejection Sensitivity
21–30 of 103 posts
Re: Rejection Sensitivity
#22Frankly as much as I read it (twice now) I find nothing good or bad to say, I don't seem to get the point and maybe someone can enlighten me? Is this a piece about how people became fragile at the face of delayed gratification or when something doesn't go their usual way (it seems a twitter unfollow initiated this whole thing)? So many questions. I understand that for some, that represents a drama which surely begs t…
I agree. Was the “friendship” actually just someone they chatted with on Signal occasionally? That’s not really what I’d call a friend. It would barely class as an acquaintance. They also mention they interact with hundreds of people this way. I’m sorry but those aren’t friendships. Has modern life completely done away with actual friendships where you know each other fairly intimately and actually spend a good deal…
Well here’s the thing, you are putting friendship on a pedestal. Everyone is lucky to have anyone to talk to at all. Enjoy it for what it is, but why feel entitled to a life long commitment?
These things come and go, and it’s better not to judge how life progresses.
Re: Rejection Sensitivity
#23"Incels, a subculture mostly composed of young men" yeah...that's certainly _a_ way to describe them. haha.
lol, downvoted. A sensitive incel I suppose? should've realized this is incel land. Using that power to silence other users here when they criticize incels seems like quite the abuse of that power.
"Discussions in incel forums are often characterized by resentment and hatred, misogyny, misanthropy, self-pity and self-loathing, racism, a sense of entitlement to sex, and the endorsement of violence against sexually active people. The American nonprofit Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) described the subculture as "part of the online male supremacist ecosystem" that is included in their list of hate groups. Incels are mostly male and heterosexual, and many sources report that incels are predominantly white. Estimates of the overall size of the subculture vary greatly, ranging from thousands to hundreds of thousands.
At least seven mass murders, resulting in a total of 46 deaths, have been committed since 2014 by men who have either self-identified as incels or who had mentioned incel-related names and writings in their private writings or Internet postings. Incel communities have been criticized by researchers and the media for being misogynistic, encouraging violence, spreading extremist views, and radicalizing their members."
So yeah, FU incels.
Re: Rejection Sensitivity
#24'Ghosting' is one of the most petty things imaginable. Sorry to say I judge a person's character so much by this. It's understandable that someone may not want to break up with their partner, but simply not responding is still terrible behaviour. I'd rather be yelled at than ghosted, at least it's candour.
Summon the courage and civility to find a few empathetic words and that's that.
It's odd that we teach 'knowledge' and even 'morality' in school but not 'basic manners'. I can imagine a room of teenagers laughing out loud at someone trying to teach them how to be civil and polite, and it probably wouldn't change them, however, I think that a few years later it would start to click in. As if they were 'lessons for later, when you're not an irreverent teenager'. They would at least have choices and options for human engagement, it's a form of knowledge.
Re: Rejection Sensitivity
#25Earlier quoted context omitted.
I agree. Was the “friendship” actually just someone they chatted with on Signal occasionally? That’s not really what I’d call a friend. It would barely class as an acquaintance. They also mention they interact with hundreds of people this way. I’m sorry but those aren’t friendships. Has modern life completely done away with actual friendships where you know each other fairly intimately and actually spend a good deal…
Well here’s the thing, you are putting friendship on a pedestal. Everyone is lucky to have anyone to talk to at all. Enjoy it for what it is, but why feel entitled to a life long commitment? These things come and go, and it’s better not to judge how life progresses.
Having a few solid, long-term friendships where you trust each other over decades is something important for many. Maybe not for you. It has nothing to do with a pedestal.
Re: Rejection Sensitivity
#26How much violence in society is a reaction to cumulative rejection? I'd guess a good deal if not most of it. Our ancient lobster-shared neural mechanisms take it deadly seriously whether we do consciously or not. From the long perspective of our selfish genes, rejection is a mortal threat.
I appreciate the sympathetic treatment of incels in this article, which seems like an exception to the norm. I think most of us can sense the pain that goes with this designation. At least with race or gender based rejection we can see progress and action and a way forward. But how do you deal with rejection that isn't about your group, but is about your personal characteristics, your character and attractiveness? Things you either can't change or would make you someone else if you did? Violence is a loathsome reaction, but not one that's hard to understand.
I think that's why incels attract such hate. We usually can't help them, so our empathy becomes just frustration and shared pain. We imagine the mix of anger and depression a lifetime of that would cause us, which leads us to fear them. We reject people for suffering too much rejection, a vicious circle.
Yet much rejection is utterly necessary. You can't be a friend, lover or business partner with everyone. We must sometimes cause as well as recieve such deep pain. It's not a solvable problem.
Re: Rejection Sensitivity
#27There is this other school of thought where you actively embrace rejection. Quotes like the following (paraphrased) show this: - If you have no enemies, you're not doing something important - If you don't fail 90% of the time, you're not pushing your boundaries hard enough The idea being that once you get rejected often enough, you lose your fear of it and you start becoming authentic and true to yourself.
I kinda understand what you're going for, but it sounds... very narcissistic, almost psychopathic, and indifferent or numbed to rejection and interpersonal relationships.
Maybe the authentic and true self is a prick that nobody wants to interact with in that case.
Re: Rejection Sensitivity
#28There is this other school of thought where you actively embrace rejection. Quotes like the following (paraphrased) show this: - If you have no enemies, you're not doing something important - If you don't fail 90% of the time, you're not pushing your boundaries hard enough The idea being that once you get rejected often enough, you lose your fear of it and you start becoming authentic and true to yourself.
God I wish I could afford to fail 90% of the time.
Re: Rejection Sensitivity
#29How much violence in society is a reaction to cumulative rejection? I'd guess a good deal if not most of it. Our ancient lobster-shared neural mechanisms take it deadly seriously whether we do consciously or not. From the long perspective of our selfish genes, rejection is a mortal threat. I appreciate the sympathetic treatment of incels in this article, which seems like an exception to the norm. I think most of us c…
Do you know any peer reviewed scientific paper which confirms the lobster shared neural mechanism? Was looking for evidence for this claim a while back, couldn't find it.
Re: Rejection Sensitivity
#30I find it funny that english sometimes uses german words. But "exfreund" actually implies a sexual relationship, just saying.
Why is that funny? Our own (German) culture is full of usage of english words. Wouldn't it be natural to assume that other people would likewise adopt foreign words?