Ask HN: How to cope with the death of a dear person?

In Islam we believe that the dead can hear us, so we make prayers for them, we give charity in their names and perform other worshiping rituals in their name too. The best kind of charity is the ones that have a continuous effect (sadaqa jariya), like donating to a school, planting a tree, digging a well for people in need ... etc. The belief that good people will enter heaven and that we’ll once meet again there if we die as good people is very comforting as well.

When I remember my lost grandfather, I try to do things that he’d be happy about and things that he’d have wanted to be done when he was alive.

May your lost ones all rest in peace.

I’m terrified of losing my wife one day. I’m very sorry for your loss, this has to be so difficult.

Hey, My mother past away 5 years ago to lung cancer. I accompanied her on her way, cooked for her and so on - we had a 4 months to talk about. We haven’t talk to each other before I got informed about her illness for years! In the end, when the lung cancer already also impacted her brain and she started to think I was still a child - I took the chance to say thank you say “I love you” - that’s the back story.

How I coped with it: My dreams actually helped me a lot. I see her very often in my dreams. In different contexts and different stories. It helped me to understand more about myself, what makes me sad, or lonely or afraid. When I see her and everything is okay with her and the dream is neutral, I go to her and hug her, tell her that’s she is dead sometimes and say that everything is fine and that I miss her. Because that’s is what I do. Something I see her she I morphing and her skin is changing to an unhealthy state. That’s shows me that I’m afraid of death. But when I’m wake I know I can’t beat death and feel strong empathy with her pain. This what I can’t handle with the most I think. Seeing her in such pain, but her pain is past.

I will never be not missing her.

The last paragraph touched me to the core. Firstly, I am sorry for your loss but I want to congratulate you for being open about it. We always fall short of time for expressing and accomplishing things. It's also true that we tend to miss out on the littlest things that actually end becoming the most precious ones with the passing of time. How to cope with the loss? Maybe we could work on the foundation of embracing just the energies of the person rather than his/her physical existence. Moe you are dependent on their physical contribution, less you are grateful for their blessings and vibes.

We could start cherishing small things and start normalizing death as a part of our life.

How to do this? There is no universal answer. Maybe you have to explore that with subjective value of upbringing. Tell them that you love them but also tell them that we all are going to die and end up becoming nothing but memories.

Find your own coping mechanisms after accepting the fact that death is the beginning of a new life. Hope this helps.