As somebody who loves PHP, some PHP mockery is deserved. The standard function naming and argument ordering is inconsistent and stupid. It throws errors written in Hebrew. There were fundamental decisions made that harmed web security for years. Unicode wasn’t in PHP for a long time. Getting decent performance and/or scaling was/is a major challenge. The comparison tables are questionable at best. Etc.
The language is bad, but... you can still write great code in a bad language. And you don’t need a good language, or even good code to build a great website. Facebook has made more money with questionable PHP code than any site built with elegant pearl webscripts that I know of. Wikipedia is PHP. So was Digg (RIP). Your users don’t give a darn how good your language or code is so long as it usually works.
So tl;dr, PHP sucks, but I love PHP.