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Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

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Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#61

Post by FredPret »

Layvier wrote: post #32
bm3719 wrote: post #11

At age 20 or so, I read a quote in a book (on day trading, IIRC) that went something like: "Master your emotions, or they will master you." After thinking about it, I realized that despite identifying as a logical-thinking individual, I was nevertheless at the mercy of the more primitive parts of my brain. Sometimes totally, but pretty much all executive functions were influenced by it to a large degree. That might b…

Imo there's a strong tendency for people working in tech/business or with high ambition in general to suppress their emotions as they affect the decision making. However, I'd rather make suboptimal decisions if that means a richer life, deeper connections and a stronger sense of wonder. Trying to be as logical, rational as possible makes life dull and mechanical. In the end as Kierkegaard said, "Life is not a problem…

Even if you approach life logically, and see it as a problem, the question remains: what does the solution look like? Money in the bank, active sex life, dozens of adoring grand children, popularity, achievement, status, a long life?

These ideas enter our rational faculties from below.

They are the caveman's goals, and the rational layer of our being is just a means to that end.

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#62

Post by terminalserver »

Because when you’re young, your feelings control you. So you end up doing and saying things that don’t actually serve your own interests, or those of people around you. Also because when you’re young you don’t yet know that certain displays of, or acting out of, impulsive emotions, isn’t acceptable in our society.

So over time, to stop fucking your own life up, your progressively learn to say less, to hold your tongue, to decide later, to consider things from the perspective of others, to reserve and hold back. To give things time and think before acting or talking. To give people the benefit of the doubt. You earn that things are likely to change so there’s less reason to respond in an extreme manner to right now.

You learn that you’re not as important as you think you were when you were younger.

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#63

Post by quesera »

I think it's simple: Perspective, and emotional fatigue.

The first time happens to you, you might be overwhelmed with excitement and joy. The 85th time, not so much. Hopefully you still appreciate it, but for the same dramatic response, the reward center needs more. Anything that happens to you 85 times isn't special enough to be life-changing, by definition.

The first time happens to you, you might be crushed. By the 5th time it happens to you, or you've seen it happen to others, you are just kind of immune. You know bad things happen, and you either decide to move forward or you do not.

Interestingly though: seeing someone else experience the now-banal-to-you positive thing can be it's own reward. Watching a child's first taste of ice cream is somehow magical. Or a puppy's first experience of snow.

And we try to have patience for the corresponding first-negative experiences too. A child who does not get exactly what they wanted for dinner, or who must go home from the park earlier than he or she might like...

(Examples above intentionally light-weight. There are real bad things that happen to people, but the level of emotional energy elicited by the trivialities can be enormous!)

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#64

Post by dredmorbius »

ggambetta wrote: post #15

My entirely unscientific theory is that like other cells, we're born with a limited number of fucks in our body. When we're young, we (instinctively, subconsciously) feel like our fucks reserves are plentiful, so we give a fuck about a lot of stuff. As we get older, our reservoir of fucks gets progressively depleted. The fucks are rarer, so we give a fuck less and less often. I've recently turned 40 and I can definit…

Thomas Benjamin Wild Esq. puts it eloquently:

https://invidious.snopyta.org/watch?v=Vqbk9cDX0l0

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#65

Post by chadcmulligan »

ggambetta wrote: post #15

My entirely unscientific theory is that like other cells, we're born with a limited number of fucks in our body. When we're young, we (instinctively, subconsciously) feel like our fucks reserves are plentiful, so we give a fuck about a lot of stuff. As we get older, our reservoir of fucks gets progressively depleted. The fucks are rarer, so we give a fuck less and less often. I've recently turned 40 and I can definit…

Reminds me of the theory I read somewhere - we all have so many words in us and when we use them up, we die. Think it might have been Vonnegut but can't find the source at the moment.

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#66

Post by FredPret »

gorbachev wrote: post #47

Personally I just don't give a shit. I still get upset the same way as I did decades ago, but it's just not worth my time and energy to get all up in arms about most things that are upsetting to me. On most things I either know nothing I will do or say will make a positive impact, or I know the issue will take care of itself or someone else is taking care of it, just not right at this very moment. So why bother. I ha…

...or does lazier == wiser?

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#67

Post by terminalserver »

gorbachev wrote: post #47

Personally I just don't give a shit. I still get upset the same way as I did decades ago, but it's just not worth my time and energy to get all up in arms about most things that are upsetting to me. On most things I either know nothing I will do or say will make a positive impact, or I know the issue will take care of itself or someone else is taking care of it, just not right at this very moment. So why bother. I ha…

Golden Girls?

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#68

Post by SJetKaran »

halgir wrote: post #56
ggambetta wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's preposterous! I'm sticking to my "fucks are finite and biologically limited" theory. I'll use the TED talk to promote my upcoming self-help book around this mind-blowing new theory.

Surprisingly relevant to my post from last year, actually titled "Fucks are finite": https://halgir.com/fucks-are-finite/

Reminded me of this song "I've No More F**s To Give!" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vqbk9cDX0l0

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#69

Post by dredmorbius »

cj wrote: post #51
8fGTBjZxBcHq wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I wouldn't call this abuse either but there is a huge huge gulf between "that was the best time of my life" and "this is the best time of your life. It's at best just extremely rude to tell someone about their own life and how they should feel about it.

> It's at best just extremely rude to tell someone about their own life and how they should feel about it. I have to disagree. My grandparents often have great perspectives on life situations that they readily share when relevant to the people around them. No one sees it as rude, and if they do, it’s usually because the advice hits a little too close to home. Like “when I went through my divorce…”

Sharing insight and/or experience != telling someone how to feel about something.

The truly insightful manage to prompt you to think without explicitly telling you to do so.

(And are sometimes wrong. People can in fact be living in a truly dismal present, whatever their age.)

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#70

Post by marcusverus »

8fGTBjZxBcHq wrote: post #48
ChrisRR wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I realise that a lot of people have anxiety issues, but to call it abuse is just stupid. They are genuinely people looking back on their life experience and giving advice.

I wouldn't call this abuse either but there is a huge huge gulf between "that was the best time of my life" and "this is the best time of your life. It's at best just extremely rude to tell someone about their own life and how they should feel about it.

> but there is a huge huge gulf between "that was the best time of my life" and "this is the best time of your life.

Not really. It's notional advice, offered in a spirit of kindness. You don't have to like it, but labeling it 'extremely rude at best' is absolutely infantile.

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