I expect you mean this bit:
Suppose that ra and sa are the same modulo p,
then we have r = s (mod p), so the p-1 multiples
of a above are distinct and nonzero ...
More completely, I expect you want them to say:
Consider the (p-1) multiples of a given by:
a, 2a, 3a, ... (p-1)a. (mod p)
These are all distinct. To see this, consider
otherwise, and suppose ra=sa (mod p)
... and so on.
Is that what you meant?
The point is that all writing is aimed at an audience. I wouldn't expect someone with no experience of Science Fiction to be able to read "Quantum Thief," and I wouldn't expect anyone with a reading age of 6 to be able to read "Lord of the Rings." Similarly, that proof requires some degree of familiarity with the structure of proofs. This is not an especially difficult.
I've always found that indirect proofs, or proofs by contradiction, or proofs by the contrapositive, are mostly obvious as to what they are doing, although not always.
In short, I agree with what you say, don't think the problem is as bad as you are portraying, think the example you have given is not especially good, but I'd be hard pressed to find a better one.
And finally, it's possible to come up with bad writing in every context. Some proofs are badly written, badly expressed, and badly explained. I know - I've not only read many of them, I've written some as well.
No surprise there.
Addendum: Sometimes the proofs that gave me the greatest understanding were the ones that were the most badly written, forcing me to work through the material on my own terms and understand it in my own way. Perhaps well-written, well-expressed and well-explained proofs are actually a bad thing.