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Ask HN: Tips for handling chronic stess?

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Re: Ask HN: Tips for handling chronic stess?

#51

Post by vbsteven »

axljjn wrote: post #38
vbsteven wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No pressure, I just want to let you know the option is there if you want it (and that counts for other HN users as well). Contact details are in my profile. I recognize the guilt feelings. Be careful of vicious cycles related to this. For me feeling guilty about not being productive or honoring commitments was a huge factor in not being able to sleep. And not being able to sleep well impacted productivity the next da…

Totally. It's a negative feedback loop. I need an efficient circuit breaker and the only thing I can really think of is Nike's "just do it." Why is it so hard? Feels like I'm hitting a wall. I've watched this video several times https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uo08uS904Rg and it helped me understand what part of the problem was, but it's still been hard getting things going. It might be an inspiration problem. I'm no…

Funny that you linked that specific video. That video and the concept of the Wall of Awful is something I use a lot when trying to explain my situation to others.

It sounds like motivating yourself to do something you have to do is hard (work), while something you want to do is easy (animal crossing).

It might be helpful to take some time to just sit and reflect on why you’re having trouble starting work. Write down the things that you’re worried about. The bricks in your wall of awful. Write down what you liked about animal crossing, why you spent so much time on it. And notice the differences between both. Is it interest? Challenge? Freedom? External pressure?

Re: Ask HN: Tips for handling chronic stess?

#52

Post by lcall »

axljjn wrote: post #39
lcall wrote: post #35

I have had to deal with this. Resetting expectations with health issues, family and personal challenges and growth, finance, unemployment, etc. Huge keys are honesty with self and others, kindness (the whole true Golden Rule), prioritizing and solving problems one at a time, not giving up, etc. (Edit: others here also have some ideas that can be helpful -- like maintaining good health practices, etc.) Still, for me,…

A friend recommended "Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It" when I came to him about this. The kindness to self part was definitely an issue for me. I was not nearly as zealous as the author, but it did teach me to cut myself some slack. I have been doing all the conventional wisdom stuff like light exercise, eating better, etc. and they are working a little, but you're right. It doesn't feel like it's enough a…

I think what many really want is joy -- happiness in things that last, and expectation that one's direction is worthwhile for reasons that are both real and good. (Some unselfishness is usually involved.) I hope you find it, and I think you will, sooner or later. (Again, happy to discuss any time.)

Re: Ask HN: Tips for handling chronic stess?

#53

Post by lcall »

axljjn wrote: post #39
lcall wrote: post #35

I have had to deal with this. Resetting expectations with health issues, family and personal challenges and growth, finance, unemployment, etc. Huge keys are honesty with self and others, kindness (the whole true Golden Rule), prioritizing and solving problems one at a time, not giving up, etc. (Edit: others here also have some ideas that can be helpful -- like maintaining good health practices, etc.) Still, for me,…

A friend recommended "Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It" when I came to him about this. The kindness to self part was definitely an issue for me. I was not nearly as zealous as the author, but it did teach me to cut myself some slack. I have been doing all the conventional wisdom stuff like light exercise, eating better, etc. and they are working a little, but you're right. It doesn't feel like it's enough a…

ps: If anything I can do or write is useful, I'm very glad. I feel like I have found the tools that bring joy, and the means to step through the problems that are part of life, while being pointed in the right direction and growing, learning. I'm very grateful. It's a long road but really good.

Re: Ask HN: Tips for handling chronic stess?

#54

Post by rojeee »

axljjn wrote: post #50
rojeee wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Are you sure you actually sleep well? Not trying to wind you up but usually if people sleep well they can handle stress much better - sleep builds resilience for us. I'd try a "good" sleep tracker if you don't already have one to see how performant your sleep actually is. If your sleep _is_ good then I would focus on improving resilience through meditation, exercise and mindfulness (live in the moment, recognise you…

I'm sure. I always look forward to sleeping. Got to to work on the mindfulness for sure though.

That’s good!

Re: Ask HN: Tips for handling chronic stess?

#55

Post by austincheney »

axljjn wrote: post #44
austincheney wrote: post #23

I recently had a stressful job last year in an environment where I had no control: COVID plus military deployment. My blood pressure dropped 40 points once I left that job. Here are things that helped me and my staff: * See a mental health professional * Exercise * Eat healthy (I was failing here and stress eating thereby making things worse) * Social reinforcement. Have friends offline to talk things through * Spend…

I am keeping busy, so i got that going for me. I do wish I had more driven people around me to vibe with. How important is blood pressure?

Blood pressure is the medical measure of your cardiovascular health. This is the ultimate indicator of your health and whether stress or mental health concerns are impacting your physical health.

Re: Ask HN: Tips for handling chronic stess?

#56

Post by axljjn »

vbsteven wrote: post #51
axljjn wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Totally. It's a negative feedback loop. I need an efficient circuit breaker and the only thing I can really think of is Nike's "just do it." Why is it so hard? Feels like I'm hitting a wall. I've watched this video several times https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uo08uS904Rg and it helped me understand what part of the problem was, but it's still been hard getting things going. It might be an inspiration problem. I'm no…

Funny that you linked that specific video. That video and the concept of the Wall of Awful is something I use a lot when trying to explain my situation to others. It sounds like motivating yourself to do something you have to do is hard (work), while something you want to do is easy (animal crossing). It might be helpful to take some time to just sit and reflect on why you’re having trouble starting work. Write down…

Definitely will focus on this tomorrow. I always thought video games were addicting because of the bright lights and pleasant sounds you get from meeting a clearly laid out objective.I remember when I first started coding I went on a similar manic episode. Might be the lack of fulfillment and not doing a great job defining goals/milestones. Oh well, I'll figure it out soon enough. I hope you reach the level of productivity you're aiming for. Thanks to you and everyone else here I feel like I'm on the right track.

Re: Ask HN: Tips for handling chronic stess?

#57

Post by rojeee »

axljjn wrote: post #40
rojeee wrote: post #24

Three most important things for reducing stress: 1. Sleep 2. Diet 3. Resilience You can improve them with the below: * Start monitoring your heart rate variability (HRV). You can use HRV to help you understand the triggers for your stress. There’s loads of articles on the web about it. I monitor HRV through the night with Oura ring. Low usually means you are stressed or not recovered. * Try to go to bed at the same t…

According to your list I'm on the right track. So that's reassuring. Monitoring heart rate is new though. What do I do once I notice it rising? Try to calm down?

Ah good stuff! Ok so this is heart rate variability. It’s a measure of the time in milliseconds between each heart beat interval and is a good indicator for measuring stress - mental or physical - on the body.

HRV is influenced by the autonomic nervous system which has two elements; parasympathetic and sympathetic.

Parasympathetic controls the “rest and digest” side of things and sympathetic controls “flight or fight”. If you are stressed then your sympathetic system is overly engaged and this manifests as a low HRV.

If I overtrain then I get a low HRV because the sympathetic system is overly engaged. Work stress and other things like poor diet will negatively impact HRV. On the other hand, rest, meditation and relaxation will cause it to increase as you engage the parasympathetic system.

A high HRV is indicative of readiness to deal with whatever is thrown at you and you can think of it as resilience which you can build (or lose) over time.

It’s a fairly personal measure and it’s generally not necessary to compare with other people as everyone is different and because many factors affect HRV but what you want to look for are trends in HRV. Upwards means you are recovering/de-stressing. Downwards trend is the opposite.

How do you measure it? Most wearables allow you to measure it. I have a garmin watch which can. Apple Watch also can do it. Most accurate approach would be to use a heart rate strap but that’s probably overkill.

Measure your HRV in the morning at the same time in the same position. After a week of readings you’ll get a baseline and can see how things change from there.

It really is a useful thing to track HRV because your body deals with a lot of daily stress and sometimes you are just not aware of it because it feels like normal or the signals are difficult to interpret.

Good luck!

Re: Ask HN: Tips for handling chronic stess?

#58

Post by nickd2001 »

It gets better with age, because, over time, things you worry about actually happen (and other disasters you couldn't imagine too ;) ) and the world doesn't end. "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". e:g losing your job , this sometimes can be in the long-term a great thing to happen. To fight daily stress consider daily (moderate, nothing crazy) exercise such as walking or swimming, as essential. Treat missing that as seriously as missing your main meal. Exercise helps you sleep better. Your friends are probably right you need a vacation. Perhaps without your phone! I think far too many people worry about being productive. What is the definition of being "productive"? To me that doesn't only include paid work, it might include being a good friend to someone and helping them through their own challenges. Who cares how much code you cranked out this month? There's years of life to spend doing that...

Re: Ask HN: Tips for handling chronic stess?

#59

Post by axljjn »

rojeee wrote: post #57
axljjn wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

According to your list I'm on the right track. So that's reassuring. Monitoring heart rate is new though. What do I do once I notice it rising? Try to calm down?

Ah good stuff! Ok so this is heart rate variability. It’s a measure of the time in milliseconds between each heart beat interval and is a good indicator for measuring stress - mental or physical - on the body. HRV is influenced by the autonomic nervous system which has two elements; parasympathetic and sympathetic. Parasympathetic controls the “rest and digest” side of things and sympathetic controls “flight or fight…

Very informative. I got an Oura ring on the way because someone else recommended it here, so I should be able to get some data points soon. I was thinking about the relationship between stress and performance on my walk today. Isn't stress necessary to get better performance/results? For example, the stress of beating your mile time by one second. Is there good and bad stress? I'm seeing some hits on google, but I'm wondering if you have any insights on this. I took the week off like others have suggested and that has definitely helped with the stress, but I feel that being this relaxed is making it difficult to get into the zone.

Re: Ask HN: Tips for handling chronic stess?

#60

Post by axljjn »

nickd2001 wrote: post #58

It gets better with age, because, over time, things you worry about actually happen (and other disasters you couldn't imagine too ;) ) and the world doesn't end. "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". e:g losing your job , this sometimes can be in the long-term a great thing to happen. To fight daily stress consider daily (moderate, nothing crazy) exercise such as walking or swimming, as essential. Treat missing…

Okay, that's reassuring. I'm starting to think I'm trying to do everything too well. I agree with your broader sense of productivity. I'm hitting most of my needs/wants everywhere else. It's mainly my work that seems to lag behind. It might be a combination of putting too many things on my plate and overestimating myself. I got my stress under control this last week thanks to following most of the tips given here. I'll spend this new week focusing on adjusting my expectations and workload to see if that helps. Maybe I've been rushing things.
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