I suspect this will never be read, but what the heck...
I sincerely wish you luck.
I reckon there’s a lot that hasn’t been said, possibly because you are personally unaware.
I can relate. I have had difficulty in personal relationships for most of my life, and learning to get past this was a long, humbling process.
Today’s hiring system is pretty messed up. I should know. I gave up looking some time ago, because the experience has become more akin to a college hazing, than a serious professional evaluation. I have no interest in proving to anyone that I’m willing to abase myself (because I’m not). If that is required, then I won’t waste anyone’s time.
But I’m extremely fortunate. I can afford to remain aloof. That’s a rare privilege.
Credit history is now something that almost every job looks at; especially at large companies. It’s pretty routine to review that. Most HR departments have contracts with vetting companies, and credit history is “low-hanging fruit.” These companies will also do things like check criminal history (even just arrest or misdemeanor convictions), follow up educational claims (I remember a guy getting fired, nearly a year into his employment, because he Photoshopped his degree), and will sometimes also trawl social media.
A criminal history or bad credit is not a showstopper, but it requires a clear, honest, humble approach; along with self-exposure. Assume they’ll find out. I knew a chap that did four felony bids upstate, and ended up working as a network admin for the DOE. Psych history is easier to hide, because HIPAA, but we need to address the issue, or it will be obvious. Even so, being honest and forthright can be helpful. If we have Tourette’s Syndrome, it will usually be immediately apparent, so it’s not a good idea to try to hide it, or get combative, when asked about it. Red flags make people nervous. Nervous people can ask awkward, ignorant questions. Being kind and understanding won’t hurt. We can decide that we don’t want to work with this person, but we don’t need to salt the earth behind us.
High-security corporations and TLAs will break out the proctoscope. There’s a form for applying to sensitive government agencies, that is over 100 pages long. They may interview your ex, so be nice to her/him/them.
I’m very honest. I don’t hide a thing. This has not always been helpful, but it’s also who I am. I have no interest in working with folks unwilling to accept me as I am.
I do know that most US states (from your post, I assume you are in the US, and that you are a US citizen) have agencies that help people to find work; often through coaching and résumé assistance. I live in New York, which is fairly good for that.
A follow-up mentioned having a portfolio. We can work on open-source projects, and build up portfolios. I have a pretty massive one.
We can also network. Develop positive relationships with anyone we can. Even low-level contacts in companies can be enormously helpful. Many corporations pay “spiffs” to employees, for recommending prospects. Be friendly, kind, open, and a team player. It pays great dividends.
Working in open-source project teams is a great way to do that. It also gives us a portfolio. Volunteer work is great. Many NPOs suffer a lack of tech talent. They would be grateful for any help, and you can establish great relationships, that way. Be careful, however, who you work with. If you work with United Way, local food banks, or housing assistance orgs, that is good. Work with more...intense organizations (I won’t list any) can be an issue, though.
There’s a lot more I could say, but I tend to prolix (obv). I suspect that stuff you did not mention is your albatross, and I’d suggest doing a fearless and searching personal inventory. Be brutally honest with yourself. Shine a klieg lamp on your personal aspect, personality, and demeanor. Ask for help. Be humble. It sounds like you have no choice.
Be prepared to address personal demons. It can be terrifying, but well worth it.
Good luck, and godspeed.