Conventional mail clients and web clients are a non-starter if you want to work with mailing lists or git email workflows. To begin with, both of them rely heavily on email threads. Patch sets and reviews are both threaded. Modern clients don't emphasize these threading well enough, and can leave you confused about the context of the messages when using these workflows.
Another problem is html mail. Lists and patches are easier to read as plain text. But again, it's hard in modern clients to figure out if you are composing a plain-text or html mail. As a result, you end up with mangled patches and badly formatted text in the mailing list. Another really annoying problem is top-posting when replying to a mail. Ideally, the quotes from original message and the reply should be interleaved, so that the context of the discussion is very clear. But web clients often just quote the entire original message and hide it away at the bottom of the reply. It isn't even easy to expand and split the quotes.
Finally, there is the problem of applying patches to repository from email. I don't think this was even a design consideration for modern clients.
> What am I missing from some amazing holy grail mail client
I assume you are unfamiliar with the workflow. The reality is that the UI is never ideal, even with traditional text mail clients. List support is better than with modern clients, but patches need hacks or a bunch of other tools. But the tool selection makes it way more tolerable than using web-clients or modern desktop clients. There is a lot of room for improvements and there are on-going efforts to improve the situation (like ddevault's aerc). However, you end up with the realization that mailing lists and git email workflow can be as easy and enjoyable as fork-pr workflow, once you overcome the difficulty of initial setup. Perhaps some day, we will have a text client that is trivial to setup and covers all the steps in using mailing lists and patches.
For now though, I believe that mutt is the most commonly used client for the workflow. For some other reason, I use mu4e as my client. Drew Devault's aerc looks promising in the long term. For more detailed explanation, have a look at this post by Greg Kroah-Hartman: http://www.kroah.com/log/blog/2019/08/14/patch-workflow-with... (I just discovered this today from ddevault's reply in this discussion).