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Female Founder Secrets: Men Clamming Up

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Re: Female Founder Secrets: Men Clamming Up

#691

Post by cbozeman »

scarmig wrote: post #548

A female founder acquaintance of mine (who's quite smart and capable) went on a Twitter screed a couple weeks ago. As it turns out, someone else had copied her idea, and her startup now had a competitor. The competitor was also able to raise a solid amount of money despite her being first to market and her having more relevant knowledge of the problem space (by her own estimation). So, this scenario isn't exactly unc…

I feel like the key takeaway here is / was:

> her having more relevant knowledge of the problem space (by her own estimation)

That sounds an awfully lot like, "We investigated ourselves and found we did nothing wrong."

I rarely try to rely on my own estimation of my knowledge, because I know I can't be objective.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Men Clamming Up

#692

Post by jan_Inkepa »

sooheon wrote: post #667
at_a_remove wrote: post #365

The payout matrix for "give honest advice / don't give honest advice" has changed, radically. Then some people noticed that, and then their behavior changed to match. It isn't punishing anyone, it's adaptation to a new risk. The "Pence Fence" is a defensive strategem and it didn't arise in a vacuum. It is a costly defense, too, so it being kept up is likely worth the cost to mitigate the risk. Most of what comes afte…

Can you elaborate what the pence fence is?

It's related to https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Billy_Graham_rule perhaps?

[Though that's not AFAIK intended as a defensive strategy against reputational harm, rather as one against the dangers of lust].

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Men Clamming Up

#693

Post by throwaway192874 »

easton wrote: post #597
akudha wrote: post #403

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I feel the same way. A lot of the emphasis is placed on the words and not enough on the context, intent behind those words (by everyone, not specific to male or female or any other group here). People have learned to keep quiet. And when they do speak, they use highly polished, politically correct language (silly example - first time my manager said he is taking a "bio break", I was confused. Took me a second to unde…

What’s the thinking behind the term “bio break” instead of “I’m going to run to the bathroom”? Sounds like something out of Futurama to me.

I've always wondered this too. We all know what you're doing anyways so I don't understand why that phrase seems to be trying to "hide" it or something, and afaik there isn't any issues with the words bathroom or restroom right?

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Men Clamming Up

#695

Post by Nextgrid »

aaomidi wrote: post #677
Nextgrid wrote: post #613

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The problem isn't sexism/racism/etc per-se, and more the current culture of airing dirty laundry in public, amplified by hungry mobs and social media companies who profit off the resulting dumpster fire ("engagement" as they call it). Furthermore, beyond the media (whether social media or traditional media - print, TV, etc) industry profiting off it, some people's careers are entirely based on this problem persisting…

I'm gonna guess you're a person who was never the subject of discrimination and racism and sexism and now you're complaining that the subjects are that are being offended. Was that a right guess?

Totally right.

I have experienced encounters which as a stereotypical white tech-bro I can only chalk up to me being an asshole, not having enough tact with people and/or tech skills for that particular domain, but could equally be explained as racism or discrimination if I was part of a protected class.

I don't have a problem with people being offended by the way, I have a problem with this self-reinforcing positive feedback loop of virtue-signaling our industry seems to be in.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Men Clamming Up

#696

Post by donw »

downandout wrote: post #502

Anyone who is pragmatic and willing to take open and honest advice/criticism from people they respect needs to advertise themselves that way in today’s environment. It is on the entrepreneur to convince the person from whom they are seeking advice that they will not regret giving it. As an alternative, perhaps investors should offer an optional “advice NDA” that would allow them to speak more freely, with less fear o…

While I don't think you should be downvoted, the reality is that there are a lot of people that think they want open and honest advice or criticism, but will respond very poorly when they actually receive anything of the sort.

This is worsened by many people doing a poor job of providing said feedback, for a myriad of reasons: because they never learned how, because they were never in an environment conducive to doing so, because they flat-out just don't care, etc.

Not to mention, there's also the fact that some pills are just straight-up hard to swallow. I've had to choke down more than a few of those, and it took a long time for me to develop the maturity to do so productively.

An NDA doesn't fix any of these problems.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Men Clamming Up

#697

Post by soared »

sneak wrote: post #507
igorkraw wrote: post #223

I'm a bit sad about how eager everyone is jumping on the idea that "candid advice" will always be construed as possibly sexist. I'm from Germany and we are famously blunt, so maybe there is a cultural aspect to this, but to me candor != risk of sexism. If your advice is candid, it also shouldn't leave any ambiguity..."I'm unsure about you doing the pitch because the last N times you froze up and you seem nervous agai…

A lot of Americans of any gender would be put off by a lot of very routine and candid professional communications that happen in Germany. I find American English in general to be tending toward the near universal avoidance of direct speech and statements, independent of speaker/listener identity. Importantly the speaker and listener are not consciously aware of this happening. The net result is that you can say liter…

Very interesting to read. I wonder if some of this is due to neutral statements in English tending to carry a negative connotation. If I say "I want to come over tomorrow but I'm not sure if I can make it" - that actually means "I do not want to come over tomorrow".

You /can't/ communicate without euphemisms, and trying to will always fail and make you seem like a dick even though you're just being straightforward. That is likely where the difficulty you've experienced comes from.

(For context, your exact situation occurred this weekend. I was invited to an event and said yes, but both me and my friend knew that I would not attend)

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Men Clamming Up

#698

Post by Mountain_Skies »

hooande wrote: post #433
ling3 wrote: post #402

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There is another side effect to this that I would add as a casual investor. My bar for getting involved in a US startup is much higher than it used to be, because it's hard to make uncomfortable changes that might be construed in the wrong way. I find myself investing more freely in other countries where there is more upside and less risk of a career-destroying media storm. China for example has all kinds of unique r…

If you walk away from the next Google/Facebook/Microsoft because of worries about US culture, that's on you. There are a lot of hot opportunities in China and around the world, but the US is still pumping out IPO unicorns. I'd be more worried about missing out on the next Tesla or AirBnb as the greater risk

What if the next Google/Facebook/Microsoft is in some other country because the creative environment in the US has become too stifling?

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Men Clamming Up

#699

Post by cellularmitosis »

Wowfunhappy wrote: post #525
fermienrico wrote: post #515

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You shouldn't be interrupting people unless they go to unreasonable lengths without providing a pause for others to chime in.

I don't actually think that's reasonable. The next time you're watching a conversation, really pay attention to when people chime in. They may not interrupt mid-word, but they'll often take advantage of mid-sentence pauses, when the other person otherwise would have kept going. It's a natural part of discussion. This is also why call latency can really destroy the quality of a discussion, even when its presence isn't…

> It's a natural part of discussion.

It isn't natural, it's part of the culture.

The worst I've seen was so bad that when I refused to interrupt, I waited 45 minutes without an opportunity to speak and then the meeting was over. Literally a 45-minute chain of people interrupting each other. That's not natural, that's adapted behavior.

Fortunately, it's a rarity at my current place of work :)

All it takes is a few bad apples and everyone else will adapt and interrupt as well.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Men Clamming Up

#700

Post by neonological »

mensetmanusman wrote: post #366
neonological wrote: post #252

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't blame the media for this. The media just magnifies a very real and sizable aspect of our culture that already exists. Just like how these people are seeking someone to blame, you are seeking the same when you blame the media. It's not just the media, what's going on here is something we're all responsible for.

The magnification distorts reality and alters peoples behavior such that everyone is a little bit more irrational.

But the distortion existed in society in the first place. The main stream media reports what people what to hear because it's good for business. The root of the problem is us.

The phenomenon isn't something created by the media and deployed into society. The origins of cancel culture and most of this outrage come from extremist leftist elements from students in college campuses. The media just made the spreading of this phenomenon faster.

You can't really blame social media either. Because we control what goes onto social media. We're responsible for the news on our social feeds.

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