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Myths About Introverts

jerrybrito.org

161–170 of 194 posts

Re: Myths About Introverts

#161
post #30

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude. Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Yes, this is often called being rude. It may be true that by this guys definition introverts don't mean to be rude, but if a person (introvert or otherwise) acts as described above, that is rude.

Being rude is also largely cultural. Sometimes American niceties although superficially are very pleasant can get tiring to people who tend to be more introverted and are from cultures that are more straightforward. Many people I've personally known complain that German flight attendants seem rude which I think is more a cultural difference than anything else. Similarly, however difficult it might be, one must always…

I met a 70-year-old South African man living in Arizona. He mentioned one of the strange things about polite behaviour was sending 'thank you' cards. He said it was more for his generation and wasn't so much with the younger folks, but basically he was saying you would visit someone and stay with them, and it didn't matter if you thanked them profusely and gave them gifts or paid for dinners to show gratitude, you still needed to send a 'thank you' letter when you got home. If you didn't send it, the other party would usually be offended.

Similarly a consultant friend of mine talks of a US colleague who worked in her office for half a year here in Aus. Just before he went back he lamented that he probably would have had a better time if he'd realised that the people being perfectly polite to him in the office probably didn't like him, and those making friendly fun of him probably liked him a lot.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#162

What about ambiverts?

What, you mean MOST people?

Yeah, they got left off the Myers-Briggs scale. Everyone is either a hermit, or dances on tables after half a cup of coffee.

More modern psychological metrics rate people on an introvertedness (or extrovertedness) scale, which is more or less normally distributed. But Myers-Briggs (which is roughly as old as the belief that you can electroshock queers straight) and crappy pop-psychology tests in women's magazines (and facebook) persist in categorizing everyone into two bins.

Big 5 (a more modern categorization) is a much better descriptive framework. The factors are introvertedness, openness (or curiosity), conscientious (hard workingness), agreeableness, and neuroticism (the tendency to react to negative emotions). Note how they are all factors, not categories? You don't put normal people into bins.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#164

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How do you know that the choice you made is a consequence of introversion and not some other reason? If you can't explain your behavior to your roommate in terms of immediate personal motivations don't expect a generalized explanation to be any more enlightening.

I didn't feel like explaining. I said "sure" and went in. I understand he does not understand me, and that is ok.

If you feel pressure, sure respond in whatever way seems most appropriate at the time. All I am saying is that a half-baked online article about introversion is not going to substitute for open and honest communication.

Imagine if your compiler spit out a link to a blog post about generic programming syntax rather than where specifically the parser had a problem with your code. The blog could be completely wrong or completely right, neither one changes the fact that there's a specific conflict between what the compiler expects and what was given to it.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#165
post #155
post #153

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There's a fairly coherent consensus view of the salient points of the intro/extra dichotomy Not at all. First of all, introversion was a concept long before psychologists started to get technical with it. Second, its appeal as a psychological concept is mostly to laymen like us, and it certainly isn't used in any technical sense when people write blog posts about how great introverts are. So even without citing any d…

Ah, how wonderful that I'm downvoted when I go to the trouble of locating quotes and providing links to prove something as obvious as the fact that people disagree about what introversion is.

"In a large gathering he feels lonely and lost. The more crowded it is, the greater becomes his resistance. He is not in the least 'with it,' and has no love of enthusiastic get-togethers. He is not a good mixer. What he does, he does in his own way, barricading himself against influences from outside. ... Under normal conditions he is pessimistic and worried, because the world and human beings are not in the least good but crush him. ..."

Thanks for this quote. I feel that all of the discussion here of how being an introvert is a quirky personality trait and a fun expression of human diversity makes a mockery of people with social anxiety.

--- guy who never left his home between 2004 and 2008

Re: Myths About Introverts

#166

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I didn't feel like explaining. I said "sure" and went in. I understand he does not understand me, and that is ok.

If you feel pressure, sure respond in whatever way seems most appropriate at the time. All I am saying is that a half-baked online article about introversion is not going to substitute for open and honest communication. Imagine if your compiler spit out a link to a blog post about generic programming syntax rather than where specifically the parser had a problem with your code. The blog could be completely wrong or c…

I get your point now. You are right there should always be some communication. In the case of my friend, it's cool, but for others it would be helpful when they read something like this.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#167
post #117

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So instead of asking a 5 second question and letting him get back to work, you turn it into a 5 minute demonstration of your superiority by forcing him to pay attention to you instead of what he was doing.

More like a one-minute interaction which communicates a lot more stuff in subtext than a five-second interaction could hope to... including the fact that I'm not scary and that he should feel free to ask me for help if he needs it.

When a manager starts off with small talk, it only increases my anxiety more than any straight question ever would. I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I've seen the pattern in every job I've had before my current one and with most teachers and professors I've met. They start off talking about something unrelated only to hit you with a hammer with the next question.

Out of place small talk doesn't actually help people that are perspective enough to realize you want something. My experience has been that when a manager randomly starts a conversation that's not work related when it's not lunch or break time they are going to be asking or demanding things I won't like. Infinitely so when they just called you into their office.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#168

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No, it's more like "I cannot swim, but if I want to eat I have to get to the other side of the lake".

And yet he's presumably able to pull these girls, in a wild extroverted setting like a club, where a girl is rarely alone, and competition is fierce. So he can't swim, but when he needs to get to the other side of the lake, he beats Michael Phelps.

No, you got it wrong. Noone said anything about my success rate, which is laughable. I am just saying I am introverted, and shy but I do talk to women. Yes, competition is there, but what should I do instead? Cry about my inability to be a social butterfly.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#169
post #153

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It isn't my definition. There's a fairly coherent consensus view of the salient points of the intro/extra dichotomy. You're distorting it. For example, the first half of your sentence beginning "Jung" is correct, but the second half is gross exaggeration. Other people aren't Kryptonite. That's what's wrong with your top post as well - it's full of exaggeration which misrepresents introversion. There's been plenty wri…

There's a fairly coherent consensus view of the salient points of the intro/extra dichotomy Not at all. First of all, introversion was a concept long before psychologists started to get technical with it. Second, its appeal as a psychological concept is mostly to laymen like us, and it certainly isn't used in any technical sense when people write blog posts about how great introverts are. So even without citing any d…

introversion was a concept long before psychologists started to get technical with it.

I believe that's wrong; the term was introduced by Jung in Psychological Types and thus originates as a technical concept in psychology.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#170
A site I read on social skills has a post explaining why it doesn't use the words Introvert and Extrovert. The main points it gives are:

* There are no agreed upon definitions of the terms

* Just bringing up the terms can derail conversations and turn them into debate on what the words really mean (e.g., like what is happening in this thread)

* The terms cram too many sub-concepts into one

* False dichotomy

* Tends to ignore context (i.e., people act differently in different situations)

* Associated with a bitter Us vs. Them mentality

* The terms can make people feel defensive and closed off

* The words can be self-limiting labels

Full post: http://www.succeedsocially.com/introversion

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