Lastly, generally find its not that I lack empathy (the ability), but when something is mundane, and I assume they are being pathetic, that I choose (whether subconscious or not) to ignore their pain. The solution comes back to finding something they are saying that you find interesting, however mundane or small, and it just gets easier from there. Direct focus, tempered by selfish interest, leads to the habit of indirect focus on varied interests.
Ask HN: How to build empathy?
171–174 of 174 posts
You need to find something interesting in what they are saying. Buy in, it takes practice, but good listeners continue the conversation, they don't change it to something more interesting, however, sometime you can focus on the particular item you find interesting that they are talking about. Often to stay engaged I direct questions about what the person is saying towards items I am more interested in hearing. This is selfish, but also its the best thing you can do if empathy is not your strong suit, you are speaking/listening on something that you are more likely to bring clarity or comfort to. This is because it is something you care about. Additionally, I have found with time more and more items have become fascinating to me, and focusing on one item lead to the ability (habit) to focus on other items I would have never been able to.
Re: Ask HN: How to build empathy?
#172How to be more empathetic ?
Trying play Empathy Game on LG. It is of course not real empathy, because you play it with strange people. With friend and family try some party board game.
Re: Ask HN: How to build empathy?
#173empathy is the TCP handshake of understanding
Me ---------------- My feelings -------------- > You
Me ------------- I understand? -------------- :You
Me <------------- You understand -------------- You
Re: Ask HN: How to build empathy?
#174Try mirroring.
Don't offer anything new, just mirror their attitude and feelings. If they say their day sucked, you go "that sucks". Then you encourage sharing by asking for more details, and you join them in whatever attitude they have about the things they share.
That's it. Fake it till you become it. If you're sincere, it works from the start.