Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Advice needed: difficult coworker and passive manager

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

1–10 of 19 posts

Advice needed: difficult coworker and passive manager

#1

Post by throwawaydev123 »

I'm considering leaving my job at a big tech company working on a cool project because I'm having trouble managing my work relationship with a difficult coworker and feel little support from my manager.

I am leading a project which a difficult coworker is contributing to. They see any disagreement with them technically as a personal attack, including when I leave them code review comments. I'm the only one working closely with their code on my team.

I have brought up with my manager the consistent pattern of low quality code, bugs, missing estimates by 5x, 10x.

This has escalated to them leaving me very negative performance feedback and complaining to my manager about my "toxic" behavior. All the other feedback I got from my team was overwhelmingly positive. This coworker said I was "creating an atmosphere of fear" for "ridiculing" and "targeting" them publicly.

I've never received feedback like this before on any other teams. I admit, I am direct and get straight to the point when it comes to code. Should I expect my manager to do something other than telling us to "resolve your differences"? I would really just like this coworker to deliver tasks in a timely manner and not create extra work for me or other people, or at the very least communicate to the team when timelines are slipping.

Any advice? Strategies?

Re: Advice needed: difficult coworker and passive manager

#3

Post by GianFabien »

Don't leave your job. You appear to be working for a good company with lots of potential opportunities.

I get the impression that your manager might be protecting your under-performing coworker. So I suggest a two step approach:

1. Go to your manager, explain that out of your team of N persons, all but one work well with you and you with them. Request that somebody else work with the one coworker that you have problems with.

If your manager refuses, then:

2. Go to HR or your manager's manager and explain that you are working well with your team and only having conflict with one coworker, who in your assessment is under-performing and for reasons unknown to you the issue isn't being addressed by your immediate manager.

Thus ask to be assigned to a different team within the company or if no such position is immediately open, to be relieved of working with the errant coworker.

Re: Advice needed: difficult coworker and passive manager

#6

Post by bjourne »

The way you are describing your situation reveals some immaturity on your part in relation to your leadership role. As a project manager, it is your job to make things work and to deal with "difficult" coworkers. Remember that people aren't "difficult" per se, most want to do a good job and they may have rational reason for acting in certain ways.

You should talk to your coworker. And you should realize that perhaps you have contributed to your work-relationship having deteriorated. It may not be all on them.

Re: Advice needed: difficult coworker and passive manager

#7

Post by muzani »

"All the other feedback I got from my team was overwhelmingly positive."

If this is true, then you have nothing to worry about. The complaining person is an underperforming outlier and the rest of the team would be eager to use your feedback to get rid of them.

However, something about this story feels off. It could be a Byzantine fault - multiple parts of the story being untrue, creating a false overall picture. It could well be that you're actually creating an atmosphere of fear where others agree with you because that's the easiest form of conflict resolution.

If your manager is saying "resolve your differences" and not taking sides, it could be that you're both seen as troublesome.

Re: Advice needed: difficult coworker and passive manager

#8

Post by Jugurtha »

I'll assume you want to continue working there...

Do you have any trace of this in writing?

You have your code reviews in some management system like GitHub and GitLab.

When you have talked with your manager, and when you talk with them, send a recap of the conversation for memo. Same for conversations you have with your coworker.

Make sure it will not become a he said she said issue. Every interaction in writing.

It will become obvious who's doing what, who's not doing their job, etc.

This will avoid the situation where they get fired and tell you "You didn't tell me" or that there were no warnings.

Keep calm and courteous. There are people who count on you losing your shit and say "See what I have to deal with?". Gaslighting and all.

Version control is not just for code.

When doing things in writing, do not exclude th possibility of reading what you wrote and thinking "Holy cow, I'm the asshole". Either way, verba volant, scripta manent.

Re: Advice needed: difficult coworker and passive manager

#9

Post by Frypa »

Here is something I did that actually worked.

I had the same issue, and I was new to the company. The guy looked like he hated my guts. So I tried to look for something he really wanted and did him a favour. This could be anything really. Then I tried building relationship slowly and it worked. If you go to your manager now, he may think you are not ready for leadership. Sometimes you have to deal with issues by yourself.

If you tried everything, then try and have a talk with your manager. But before you go to see her/him, be prepared to explain the issue and the solution. Otherwise you will be seeing as the "complainer" who can't work with other people.

Post reply on HN