I had a very controlled childhood. I coped, but my old habits are hurting me as an adult. How can I overcome the phenomenon of "learned helplessness" and use my will again?
Ask HN: Exercises to overcome learned helplessness?
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Re: Ask HN: Exercises to overcome learned helplessness?
#2Re: Ask HN: Exercises to overcome learned helplessness?
#3An article on what learned blankness (or helplessness) is about: http://lesswrong.com/lw/5a9/learned_blankness/
Re: Ask HN: Exercises to overcome learned helplessness?
#41) Set goals.
2) When you aren't getting there (or not in a timely manner or what not), analyze why.
3) If possible, find a good sounding board,* someone who will listen to you but not try to fix your shit for you, instead will ask you things like "now what are you gonna do about it?"
4) Use that as a means to figure out the next step and take it.
5) Iterate.
*Sounding board: Someone who will listen and help you think things through and get clarity. They shouldn't be too touchy-feely sympathetic. You don't need a shoulder to cry on. That is not their role. You need constructive feedback from someone who doesn't care if it hurts but also isn't intentionally cruel, just blunt and lets the chips fall where they may.
Re: Ask HN: Exercises to overcome learned helplessness?
#5Get an accountability partner. I'll help you.
Re: Ask HN: Exercises to overcome learned helplessness?
#6I just read the book "Way of the Peaceful Warrior". It was a good read. But for your issue, I would take a piece of paper, write down your old habits, then to the very right of them, right down the NEW habits that you wish to overwrite the old habits that you have now. Don't give into your old habits, replace them with new ones.
Then, only focus on the new habits. Don't think back to the past of your old habits. Even more than that, just focus on PRACTICING these new habits. By doing this, you will reinforce your new habits until you essentially forget how to perform those old ones.
In sports, good coaches fix problems with technique (since all of it is habitual motions) by telling their students to do something NEW. They don't tell them to fix this or that. Telling their student to do something new is more constructive than trying to tell them to fix something that already has some flaws to it.
Good luck!
Re: Ask HN: Exercises to overcome learned helplessness?
#7Learning and practicing mindfulness in the framework of a cognitive therapy called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT for short) has been the most useful approach that I have found so far. What it teaches you is that while you may not have complete control over your thoughts and feelings, you do have control over how you respond to them. A good starting place is the book "The Happiness Trap" by Dr. Russ Harris.