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Failed entrepreneur, broke, unemployed, now taking care of aging parents. Help.

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Re: Failed entrepreneur, broke, unemployed, now taking care of aging parents. Help.

#131
Matt, I feel for you, I absolutely do, but the painful truth is that your move home will cost you your energy.

If not the dependence of your parents on your, then the negativity will. The drain of the area you are going to will also pull it from you.

You will not do anything without energy.

You want to do know how to avoid this and the painful, guilt-ridden answer is: You don't go back home, you move forward with your life.

You have to do it with a clear mind and a firm commitment. If you cannot move forward without feeling pangs of guilt pulling you backwards, then you aren't ready. If you can make a firm, confident decision that you:

1. Love your parents.

2. Realize you cannot change them or improve their lives FOR them.

3. Want a better life for yourself.

There is no more to discuss or mull over. It is time to hug and kiss them, pack up your bags and move to a city that will spark that fire inside you again and fill you full of hope and joy.

Your parents love you. They are probably adamant for you to NOT come home because they know, deep down, what it will cost you.

I think you know all this already, you sound smart and in-touch with your feelings. You were probably hoping for some alternative information where we suggested ways for you to help them and feel like a great son and get back on your feet and get married and have a family and not have to move back to the middle of no where and and and....

All of that takes energy and you aren't an endless well of it. You MUST pick what you direct it at and it can't be everything.

If it makes it any easier, you being home, feeding into the negative-loop-cycle your parents are in right now and becoming more depressed helps NO ONE. It doesn't help them and it doesn't help you.

You aren't a bad son for wanting happiness in your life and that happiness NOT being from taking care of your parents.

Hug and kiss them. Call them often. Send them cards. Help organize a stop-in assistant twice a week. But do all that from a location that fills your life full of possibility and happiness.

Don't bury yourself in guilt, that is a trap. Move forward. There are great things waiting for you.

EDIT: I just read a lot of fantastic feedback here, some of it the exact opposite of what I wrote, so take everything I said with a grain of salt and go with whatever feels the best to you. Whatever explanation made you feel lighter, free-er and happier when you read it and just "made sense", that is probably the one you should go with.

I am tempted to erase my comment as I feel you have so much good advice here I don't want to just add conflicting noise. Either way I'm rooting for you man, just stay in one piece and keep your head up!

Re: Failed entrepreneur, broke, unemployed, now taking care of aging parents. Help.

#132
I'm blown away and truly humbled by the compassion, advice, encouragement, and offers of help in all of your responses and emails. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I feel validated, empowered, and now more hopeful that things could eventually work themselves out. It looks like there is a way to fix all this and I've now gotten some better perspective on where I could start.

I'll use this thread as an action plan to get things going. I've already read some responses a few times and will make sure to review all comments and sincerely think through every suggestion. Please give me a few days to process everything as well as to follow up either via comments or email.

Thanks again, to everyone, for being there for me. You guys are unbelievably awesome.

Re: Failed entrepreneur, broke, unemployed, now taking care of aging parents. Help.

#133
I'd suggest

    Do farming in your back yard. You'll be self sufficient.
    Become a truck driver. Talk to your parents.
    Become a VAR e.g aliexpress.com amazon.com ebay.com geeks.com
    Become a trader e.g. http://www.elitetrader.com/vb/printthread.php?threadid=221668
    Forget a job in services sector. Too much of irrational competition.

Re: Failed entrepreneur, broke, unemployed, now taking care of aging parents. Help.

#134
Keep smile on the face 24x7. It helps.

[Edit]

Emotions are controlling our bodies. But is works in opposite direction too. If you will keep smile on your face, you will send clear message to your body: "Everything is fine", so your head will start to produce ideas. You will notice huge difference after about two weeks.

BTW:

My situation is worser than your.

Re: Failed entrepreneur, broke, unemployed, now taking care of aging parents. Help.

#135
Just an idea, no clue if it has any value: I know that at least a fair bunch of US startups have teams that are highly geographically distributed, incl all over the US or even across contintents. Bandcamp, Banksimple and Stackexchange come to mind, probably many more.

Can't you apply with companies like that and work from home? It gets you into contact with the kind of cool guys that you can't find in your area (which might help you stand the local folk better too), gets you some income, and gives you some additional purpose because you're working on a cool product.

Re: Failed entrepreneur, broke, unemployed, now taking care of aging parents. Help.

#136
post #116

WATCH or READ THE SECRET by Rhonda Byrne

No please don't - trashy pseudo-science at it's best :-( Some very enlightening reviews on Amazon if you want a second, third and fourth opinion (http://www.amazon.com/Secret-Rhonda-Byrne/product-reviews/15...)

Re: Failed entrepreneur, broke, unemployed, now taking care of aging parents. Help.

#137
post #127
post #114

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Learn how to cook. You only need some very basic, and very cheap, ingredients to make amazing food. By improving your diet, you will improve both your physical and mental health. You will also save money. For example, tomatoes, onions, beans, chilies, rice, and spices run about $5 total, and with that you can make a gigantic bucket of vegetarian chili packed with vitamins and complete proteins. Add meat for a better…

Also grow your own vegetables in the garden. It's not only cheap, it has also no pesticide pollution, tastes much better and is very healthy because it's fresh. But the most important thing is the psychological effect: You seed, you care, you work on it, you watch it growing and then you harvest and eat your own effort. That's like beeing an entrepreneur on a small scale. Build on this positive experience and grow to…

I would just like to add that starting an organic is not cheap. It's cheaper than, for example, scuba diving or photography. But gathering the materials to get started was a more than I anticipated at first. Just like produce, the chemical free, organic stuff (soil, fertilizer, seeds) cost more than the general stuff. But you only have to do this once, after that it's just the recurring cost of maintaining it.

But it is wonderful to be out in the sun, eating stuff I grew fresh.

Re: Failed entrepreneur, broke, unemployed, now taking care of aging parents. Help.

#138
Being originally from a background and area where this is rife, I can only offer the following:

1. Change your mindset - Positive things happen to positive people, as basically they envision the positive result they want and engineer (either consciously or subconsciously) towards it. Negative people think they will always fail, hence don't try, hence fail, and vicious self-reinforcing circle repeats. This is hard to to when depressed, hence why you need to to change lifestyle as per following as example.

2. Take any job - It's not about doing something you love or pays well, but getting out of the house and changing your environment. A fresh/different perspective, new scenery, fresh air, and interacting with other (different) people always helps. It can also help you find structure and (different) routine in your life.

3. Focus on one change at a time - Thinking about everything at once can be overwhelming. Try and make one change at a time. Do the easiest (most achievable) things first. Success at them will make you feel good and help as building block to next (harder) thing.

4. Don't worry about external opinions of nay sayers - You are not in competition with others, only yourself, so as hard as it may be, focus on your path at the pace you are happy with and ignore what others say. The key thing is you keep moving forward, positively, even if only one step each day. Once you stop standing, and start moving, you will inevitably make progress, and that progress will help you move more.

5. Build income - Inevitably money is the cornerstone to fixing many problems in life, and with an income that meets your base needs, you may then be afforded the opportunity to do things you want to do, not have to. This could be something like hiring a carer a few days/hours a week so you have time to do something you want e.g. build your skills/portfolio/resume for a future step of a new/better job.

6. Do not be emotionally black mailed or feel guilt for wanting to live your life - We all have our paths to walk in this life and sadly there are people that will put you down or try to stop you for no good reason (i.e. your path is not self-destructive such as drug abuse) and its to do with what they want rather than what is best for you. No matter how hard it is to say this, or resentment parents/family may feel, but they have lived their lives and made their choices. You must live yours and make yours, even if in the immediate term it upsets people. In due time, most people realise things were for the good and the initial negative reaction such family has is more about the change itself rather than why/what change is for. One way to smooth this is to give people notice so change is not unexpected i.e. tell them you are telling them, tell them, tell them you told them, do it.

Re: Failed entrepreneur, broke, unemployed, now taking care of aging parents. Help.

#139
One step at a time. I suggest getting a job at Starbucks. http://www.memphisflyer.com/memphis/starbucks-to-the-rescue/...

Also I suggest listening to NYC WBAI Radio show "The Positive Mind by Armand DeMille" for anyone reading this. - Archive available here: http://www.thepositivemind.com/tpm/radio_frame.php - Podcast Here: http://itunes.apple.com/es/podcast/positive-mind-wbai-fm-new...

Re: Failed entrepreneur, broke, unemployed, now taking care of aging parents. Help.

#140

Wow! Extremely low cost of living and close to your family. The opportunities are boundless! A perfect time to build an app, write a book, learn new skills. Cherish this time. Squeeze every opportunity out of it like it was a wet blanket filled with golden drops. You don't have to be in San Francisco to get started. Do it from a barn! We're here if you need us.

Though I agree with the sentiment, this is a lot easier to say when external to the problem. Much of it is about fixing or changing lifestyle and behaviour, and in such cases it may be easier to go for "safe" wins, such as a day job, with certain and known results (positives such as known income, and the negative such as web-app/startup opportunity cost) and building up and moving forward before re-exposing one self to risk (esp as it is similar as per his situation before).

The higher risk 'do another startup' could be the way to go, but in such an environment/situation, I fear this perhaps is only shying away from underlying problems and hence it is better to take safe route and fix them first.

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