Failed entrepreneur, broke, unemployed, now taking care of aging parents. Help.

TL;DR - My startup failed, I'm now broke and unemployed, I have no idea who I am anymore professionally, and had to move back to the middle of nowhere to take care of my aging parents. I don't want to get stuck living this life. How do I fix all this?

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Hello HN,

As a long-time reader of HN I would greatly appreciate some advice and/or suggestions of how some of you would deal with this situation. I'd like to believe that as an entrepreneur that I can find solutions to problems but at this point I have to admit I'm a bit shaken. What would you do if this were your situation?

1) I'm a failed startup entrepreneur fighting my way back out of depression, spiritless-ness, and massive debt. I've also been unemployed for over 1.5 years now due to a loss of identity and overall purpose. I have no life savings left to try and squeeze my out of this situation.

2) Concurrently, I had to move back home to a relatively inactive area - no tech scene, no innovators, no night life, no forward-thinking, no excitement. People here are content with 9-5 jobs and staying home at night (edit, removed: want their safe, comfortable, 9-5 jobs, and their must-see-TV at night). There is no ecosystem to help drive and create new things. Local city and business "leaders" I talk to about doing something politely nod their head in agreement but it never leads to anything.

3) I had to move back home to manage my aging parents. They're in their mid-70's, and are starting to need assistance. They are in violent denial that anything needs to be changed, planned, or managed. They will never move, won't help plan for the future, and are constantly and consistently negative about every situation. It's becoming harder and harder to stay levelheaded and sane in such an environment.

4) My entire family suffers from social anxiety disorder and have no friends/extended-family/neighbors whatsoever - zero, zip, nada. This makes life planning almost next to impossible as all new ideas are immediately shot down due to stubbornness, ignorance, or fear. This leaves me with no support at any level in trying to plan for their future quality-of-life in terms of finances, insurance, health care, moving, and attempts at basic human interactions.

5) Net effect, I'm trapped, unfocused, and drowning in guilt. If I relocate in an attempt to find work I leave my troubled family behind and will become the "one who abandoned them." No one is fair enough to comprehend the planning I've done so far (estate, health, day-to-day care, etc). If I stay, I'll lose more and more of my professional momentum and personally run the risk of falling deeper into depression.

I know my objective perspectives are probably a bit skewed at this point, so my goal is to get a clear head as soon as possible, and get back into the ring. Have any of you had similar stories or experiences? How did you go about fixing it?

I second this. The way out of a depression is by regaining your confidence. You can do this with "small wins" that lead to bigger wins and eventually the self confidence to take on the world.

Working out/Getting in shape has the added benefit of reducing stress and produces endorphins helping you feel happier.

But it could be anything. Reading a book, taking a class, solving a puzzle, etc.

Entrepreneurs don't take risks — they manage them.

1. Massive debt: http://www.thesimpledollar.com/

2. The Internet.

3. Parents: http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/01/29/financial-independ...

4. You are not responsible for your family's well-being. You can try to help, but not if it costs you your health/...

5. You can help them better if you're doing well.

It sounds like your family is trying to drag you down to their level.

I really don't have much personal experience to draw on here, but just to add my two cents, you might try to think about why you initially became an entrepreneur, techie, developer. Something that always makes me feel better no matter what my work-load or responsibilities is spending some time on a project just for the sake of my own interest. These are NOT money-makers, just rough ideas for anything that truly interests me from a tech standpoint. Like maxdemarzi said, do something to regain confidence, interest in your work, etc. You can't fix all these problems at once.